I havent spoken to my sister (my only sibling) for 6 years?

Question

The reason I stopped speaking to her was, I was in a relationship with a creep who abused my daughter and when it went to crown court my sister took his side and gave him a statement saying what a model father he was etc,because of this he got off with it and my daughter sank into depresion and attempted suicide several times.Because of my sisters actions i stopped speaking to her,i believe her reason for doing this was because a year earlier our father died and I found out she had been taking money from his bank account so i reported her but because he was dead the athorities didnt pursue it.Do you think I should let go of the past and try to make some sort of amends or am I totally justified in my behaviour?My daughter has forgiven her and they now speak,but Im finding their relationship very difficult to handle and I do have tears over it.

Answer 1

UNLESS she shows remorse and say she's sorry for what she did and she puts it in writing do not have anything to do with her.
If she turns on you in the future and you have a letter from her saying sorry for what she did the court will believe you next time.
I believe you completely because i have known some sisters do this evil act.
I want you to make up with her because she will get into trouble one day and she will need you. Somehow from your letter i know you still have feelings for her because you reffered to her her as your "only". you must be either an angel or a saint.

Answer 2

I think you two have an incredible amount of baggage. I would not even attempt to patch those wounds without having some kind of professional mediator - like a counselor, or psychiatrist, or lawyer. You need someone who can hear both sides freely, and with no bias in either direction, can help you come to some aggreement dealing with your child (her neice), and whether you and sister's relationship should continue. And yes, you should seek closure, and your daughter should be there too, since your sister daughter is involved. Trying to put a stop to their relationship would only be attacking a symptom of the problem, would not be a very counterproductive thing to do, and would only make you look like the bad guy. I do think you were justified in your actions, but you also need to realize that you had some hand in you and your sisters alienation.

I don't know all the gory details, but I do know that you went outside the family when you turned her in to the authorities. You could have dealt with it within the family. You say you believe your sister wrote that letter because of you turning her in, but the truth is you don't know because you haven't talked to her. You were the responsible person, going to the authorities, I am sure you had something to do with the fact you two no longer communicate - so you should be the one to make the first attempt to resolve those issues. Remember, you will have many friends in your life, but you will never have another sister.

Answer 3

that is terrible, im so sorry. i've had a similar situation, i have nothing to do with any of my family and never will. im so glad u had the guts to take the creep to court, well done, i know wot courage that took for u and your daughter. im afraid after that, i would never speak to her again, i find there are some things that just cannot be forgiven. i personally would not want my daughter to have anything to do with her either. that must hurt u terribly after all u have been through. i too would have plenty of tears over that too. i feel u are totally justified in your behaviour. i cant believe your daughter would have anything to do with your sister after all this. i really feel for u. its an awful situation. i wouldnt forgive my sister after that, she should have been there to support u and your daughter, not him. im so sorry.
i think if it were me, if i could, i would move right away so the sister is out of the picture. if i had to stay, i would make it very clear to my daughter how i felt and would ask her not to continue the relationship with the sister. i wish u all the best of luck. maybe going to see a councellor would help u alot right now. u have my very best wishes dear.

Answer 4

I really feel for you, i really do. You sound so un happy. i cant give you advice as i have never been in that situation but i can give you my opinion, but at the end of the day only you can make a decision.
personally i think your sister is disgusting, one for stealing off her dead father and 2 for defending the man who messed with your daughter.
i think your sister needs serious help. people say you should always forgive your family bla bla, but i think its nonsense i think like anything people can go past a certain point where here is no return (i can say that from personal experiance).
i cant understand why your daughter has forgiven her??
believe it or not i am a really forgiving person but i think your sister has well past the line.
i really hope you stay strong and you are happy with whatever decision you make. only you know what to do.
Good luck doll!!

Answer 5

Gosh! you poor girl! Well that wasn't very nice of her. At the end of the day, if you miss her. You should amicably (and possible withholding) talk to her. I'm sure if she is a good person she already realises what she has done to your daughter. Perhaps talk to your daughter about it. Tell her how much you love her and explain to her that you can't bear anyone to hurt her like your sister did. If your daughter has a good reason for forgiving her even if the reason is forgiveness I'm sure you should be proud of what a strong person your little girl is. Even if you never truly forgive her in your heart time will heal, and at least you did the right thing. If they are okay, chances are right now, your heartache is causing your little girl upset right now too. Be strong for her. Best wishes.

Answer 6

You need to speak to your daughter first, and try to understand why she is giving your sister another chance. Then you can speak to your sister, and explain why you feel so hurt. Don't expect an apology from her- if she thought she had to give you one, she would have a long time ago. Perhaps your daughter could pass on a letter from you- giving you time to choose your words carefully. If you can have some sort of relationship, it is probably a good thing, but maybe too much has happened, on both sides, and maybe you are just too dissimilar. Good luck anyway, I hope you all find peace.

Answer 7

I'M a mother of two boys and if anybody ever touched a hair on there head the wrong way i would not be responsible for my actions and I'm sure any family member would feel the same but for your sister to do that is unforgivable how would she of felt if he'd of gone back to your daughter and done it again how would she feel then???would she be happy with her self knowing that she helped to get him off with what he did for him to do it again,I'd never ever have anything to do with her again if she was my sister,and as they say the past has a nasty habit of coming back to haunt you stay well away,well i would if i was you,good luck with what ever you decide the final decision is up to you we can only state what we would do if we were all in your shoes

Answer 8

I think you are justified in what you doing and what your thoughts are in relation to yr family, I also have a have family that i no longer speak to due to my partner not being accepted by my brother who thinks he is a total loser, however this is not the case we have been together for 2 and half years now and we are very happy my family have stopped talking to me and it was my other brothers 40th birthday last week and we did not attend his birthday which has really upset me i do understand how you feel as i also lost my parents when i was a little younger and they all got my mothers jewelery as i got nothing they emptied her bedroom the night before her funeral whilst i was being comforted by my closest friend they also stole off me and left me the day after the funeral with no money hardley any food only what was left after the wake.... and since then i have never rally got with my family ,,,,, it can only be put in the of you can choose yr friends but not your family ..... lots of name calling and hurtfull things have been said ... and when i needed them all most last year wen i diagnosed as having a brain tumour they did not come to come to see me ..... depression is my middle name after what i have gone through ... just live life to the full forgive but never forget ... thats my moto i know that life is too short to bear grudges but keep your eyes and ears open see everything an dsay nothing best way to be... if you would like to chat to me just drop me a line [e-mail]
take care

Concerned reader x

Answer 9

You have no obligation to ever speak to your sister again nor should you carry any burden of guilt about it. Think about it - if she was not a blood relative would you feel guilty about not speaking to somebody who has behaved this badly? The fact that your daughter is in touch with your sister is her choice and not yours. Put these horrible events behind you and go forward with your daughter and do not look back. As they say, God chooses your relatives - thank God you can choose your friends. Good luck.

Answer 10

God this must be hard.
Well its like this....................................................
Forgive her, and forget what shes done. I suppose if your daughter can (depending if she is old enough to have her own mind) then you can
OR
Stand by your principles. Your sister was very wrong and misguided. It seems she stuck up for this guy purely to get revenge on you. That is bad and who knows if something happened again? She should have stuck up for and protected her niece.

I personally would not forgive. I suspect your daughter does not fully understand (ie she isn't an adult?) In time your daughter will see. Take a deep breath let it ride. But NO i would not forgive her. Your an adult if it was you id say yes forgive but she was a child that needed protecting, and her aunt couldn't do that.