Mom doesn't GET that happiness is more important than making $$$. How do i convince her?

Question

I have a real problem on my hands. I am 13 years old, living a pretty normal life, with my normal dad and effing-goal-oriented-mom. Mom and i had a discussion last night about my future. I said that, as long as i am content with my life, that i will be happy and will be peaceful with myself. Mom, on the other hand, says that i will NEVER reach true happiness until i get my Ph.D. and make big bucks.

I am a bright kid. I have a 4.0 GPA, and have a lot of things other than school going for me. Music, sports, etc. I know that if i want, i CAN get my Ph.D. and make a lot of money and become my mom's version of 'happy'. But i'm not sure if that's what i want to do with my life. I think that happiness is...

having a family...loving people...doing things that make ME content, and not my mom...hanging out with friends...going to movies, and stuff

Yes, i know that i will need money to do those things. I know that i am capable of earning that money. I don't WANT to be the next Marie Curie!

I don't care about fame or money. I just want to live my life contentedly. I want to be normal and truly happy.

My mom is the world's version of SHALLOW!!! Or, should i say, stereotypist. To me, she is shallow. To me, she doesn't GET that fame and money don't equal happiness!

How do i tell her convincingly without being mean?

Answer 1

You dont have to be Marie Curie but it would be nice if you could understand that she has lived longer and does know more than you. No, happiness does not come from money but she is absolutely right in pushing you towards education. Life brings lots of things you cant see at 13. There are plenty of things other than school but the truth of the matter is, school and your level of education do matter a lot later on in life. You usually notice it when its much harder to go back and get the education you should have gotten when you were much younger. Although you dont want to you should listen. You will understand why later in life.


I answered your question then say your additional details. I used to say the same exact thing you are saying right now. Its unfortunate but you just cant understand what she means right now. She is right but you wont see that for many years to come. All I can say is listen. Older people DO know more than you. They just do.

Answer 2

Some mothers are more career oriented and think that you have to have a Ph.D. to make anything in life. I do think a college degree is essential and depending on your career a master's might be needed as well, but I don't think you have to have it to make you happy. You can choose to be happy if you want. I'm sure she's be really happy if you were to get it and maybe that's what she's expecting of you. Now a work-a-holic is not a good thing and isn't healthy. So try your best to not become one of those where you put your job or career before your family. Pick a career that you enjoy and are interested in. Your actions will show her how happy you are in the choices about life you've made.

Answer 3

This is just my personal view on life. I think a key to happiness is balance, or as Aristotle put it, the "golden mean." I don't think there is any "most important thing in life." I think there are many important pieces that, put together, complete the puzzle of life. Among them are career/money, family, friends, purpose, faith, etc. Money won't make you happy. Money won't solve your personal problems. Money will only solve your financial problems. But money is obviously a necessity. It is important and can't be ignored. You are at a time in your life when you need to focus on training for your career, and that is probably what your mom is trying to impress on you.

You sound like you have a very good head on your shoulders. You know that you are the only person who can decide what is the right way to live your life. Don't worry about convincing your mom that the way you see things is the right way. Just listen patiently and take her advice with a grain of salt. After all, she only has your best interest at heart.

Answer 4

You are talking about 2 separate issues here, and probably didn't realize it or separate them when tallking to your mom. Your last paragraph said it best. You are enjoying the things you have now and the things you will need in the future will take a lot of money. When that time comes, you will be totally prepared to make sure you are in a position to get those things for yourself and your family. Truth is, right now you don't know, and I hope you never find out, how difficult it is to cope with a heavy problem with no financial resources to help you solve it. Your mom wants to make sure you value the kind of life a good education gives you. It's not all about buying the best car or house or vacation; it's about having access to the best medical care, legall advise, schooling for your children, etc. Make sure she understands that you know the difference between what makes you happy now and what you will need to be happy in the future.

Answer 5

Holy crap. You're 13? You see, this proves that some teenagers actually know how to spell. Thanks for not succumbing to the butchering of the language, such as "wi lyke to tipe lyke dis".

Getting a Ph.D. isn't going to make you happy (as you've obviously figured out). The money might make you comfortable, but happy is something that you have to figure out for yourself. It seems like she's just trying to turn you into what she wants you to be (because it sounds like she's the type of mother who wants a child who's a doctor just so she can brag that you are). Chances are, she won't accept what you find will make you happy, when you find it. All you can do is keep telling her what *you* want, and hope that she understands someday.

Edit: I just read through the other comments you've recieved here... It's amazing, how stupid some of these people who consider themselves so intelligent are. They see '13' and apparently stop reading. From what you said, you sound extremely mature for a 13-year-old. Mature and smart enough to ignore the assholes who are telling you "shut up and listen to your mother". This may come as a surprise to them, but parents *are not* always right. They do not always give you the best advice, and their experiences usually have nothing to do with their childrens' lives.

Answer 6

I am 18 and in your position. I have to say that mum must know something as she'll have been through poverty (well mine has). You need some sort of income but I wouldn't work like crazy. I want a family and to be able to see them when some weirdo would be working 70 odd hours a week.
I'm told I'm really intelligent and everyone seems to "know" it. All my teachers predicted me at all A's and people at college said I was really clever so... I know I have it in me but I messed up my exams. The thing is I didn't think my exams were the be all and end all of the world. People were working more than 7 hours a day (one 17 hours) to revise for exams. I guess it's technically reasonable but I wouldn't put myself through that and put pressure on myself. People were taking legal enhancement drugs and I thought it was mental. I did get an a and 3 b's but I could've got 4 a's. My point is I'm happier that I've not done aswell even though I could have. There is so much more to life and what they teach you at school is a load of nonsense compared to the real world (in my opinion). Life is more than exams. It's good to have knowledge of what they teach you but they do not teach you everything and you should not have to know all definitions word for word.
Anyway, good luck with sorting out mum. I think she wants what's best for you. Just say "sure mum, whatever you want" and then when you're not what she wants you to be say "oh well, sorry". It'll be too late by then.
Credit to mum though. In years to come, where will your friends and cinema be? At least if you want to have a highly professional job that you're passionate about you might have the grades for it if you listen. Just stick with it and then when you're 18, make up your own mind. Don't throw your exams at your age because you've got too much to keep open. I am a slightly different matter having realised that the education system (in england) is actually dumb and I don't enjoy it and I want something slightly reasonable but not excessive. You might learn to enjoy working so keep yourself open to working. Just please don't ever work excessively

Answer 7

Ask your mom, what makes you think that money makes happiness? Yea it can buy clothes, cars, jewelery, etc. But can it buy love? Can it buy friends? Can it buy the warmth of your family? Does your mom think that it can buy all that? NO!!! Those people who wrote that your mom is right, go ahead and listen to them, but they will sooner or later find out that money can't and won't buy happiness. Just to let you know, money is greed and greed is one of the deadly sins=I That's not good. It's true that it can buy food, shelter, and education. But that's not great happiness=) If this is a big problem for you, sit down and talk to your mom and ask why you think that money can buy happiness. Hopes this help!

Answer 8

Sounds like she wants the best for you but doesn't get that her best isn't your best - much can change between now & high school graduation - giver her time & understand that she's looking out for you. When the time comes to get your PhD you'll be an adult & able to make your own decisions. For now your best bet is to lead by example - be happy loving people & show her how you gain contentment thru things other than concerns of a PhD.

Answer 9

Mom is right to live that comfortable life your thinking you will need a steady reliable income. Maybe a PH.d is more then you will ever need, but never cut it out of your life plans completly. You never know when that one degree higher will change your life in ways you don't expect now at 13. Good luck

Answer 10

Money solves 80% of personal problems - if you don't get this part right, life is going to be much, much harder. Unfortunately, the best chance of solving this problem is when you are young and have the opportunity of an education. So treasure it and make the most of it. Too many young, potential kids have wasted their chance and live the rest of their lives to regret it. Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure point to in the right direction. Without enough money, you will always be pointing the the wrong direction of happiness and it will take you a lot, lot more to get that happiness you are looking for.