is it my fault?

Question

my nan is really generous ive just got off a cruise she took me on the only proplem is that she guilt trips me all the time about being in contact with my grandad (her ex) she gets really nasty and screams all kinds of stuff about me being selfish and ungraitfull so i give it back (i have a bit of a temper well alot) my mum says the situation isout of control because of me and why cant i see it am i blind or is it not my fault

Answer 1

It's just a crappy situation. Simple as that really. I don't know enough to details to figure out 'who is at more fault' but that's not really what's important. He may be her ex, but he's still your grandpa. Keep in contact with him. It'll be tough for her to deal with this. It's a shame she can't be a bit more mature about it, but that's life. Just try and rise up to be more of an adult about it than she is and love them both. It'll be tough, no doubt about it, but hopefully as things cool off it'll be easier to spend time/talk with both of them without catching $hit about it later.

Answer 2

Your Nan is at fault, not you. You have every right to have a relationship with your grandfather and she should understand that. How would she feel if HE demanded you not have contact with her? Ask her that the next time she brings it up. She is obviously bitter toward him for whatever reason, but that's her personal problem and she shouldn't put that on you. As far as screaming at her, don't. One day you may leave in a huff only to find out you can't go back and apologize, that's a heavy weight to haul through life. Always try to end things on a good note, even when she is screaming.

Answer 3

Of course it's not yr fault. It sounds to me that yr grandma is manipulating u. But it can be yr fault once u start yelling back at your grandma, it's a shame that she acts that way & that your mom is not helping. But u should be in contact with yr granpa.
Try to explain to her that u love her so much & that seeing yr grandpa won't affect that love, & that she has absolutely no right in controlling yr feelings towards anyone. Make it clear to her that if u become so unfair & hate yr grandfather without any reason u could do to that to her too.
If this all doesn't work & she keeps on pressuring u with her stuff then don't accept it . Thats the last & worst choice.

Answer 4

So your Nan doesn't want you to speak to your grand dad? And she is using her gifts to put you on a guilt trip. That is not generous, that is control.

The best advice I can tell you is to say. "This is my grandfather, I can not ignore him any more then I could ignore you."

I would not get into a shouting match with her, because you will not win.

Just remember, she will always control you, and when you have children it will continue with the next generation. I am sorry your mom doesn't back you up on this...

You are going to have to separate yourself from her control (gradually), it is hard to give up all of the extras she provides for you, but I would have to move on to a healthier me....Good luck

Answer 5

It is not matter of fault, Your nan, needs to be more understanding, I think you are just being respectful to your grandad, they should see that, That is what you should tell your Mom and Nan, Sometimes when your Nan is getting on your case, just don"t say anything, tell her you respect her opinion, Just smile, say I"ll see you later, may be by then, she will have cooled off. They are trying to get you to take sides, sounds like you are more mature then, they are. Assure them that you love them.

Answer 6

Your nan should NEVER do this to you. It's clear they did not leave on good terms. But they are adults and she needs to act like one. Not some pre-teen high school er throwing a tantrum.

He is your grandfather and she should not be guilt tripping you into not seeing him.

It's not your fault and it is not your fault they are not together. It is out of control because of her. She can be civil long enough for you to visit.

What she wants is for you to hate him as much as she dose.

Answer 7

What your Grandmother and Mother are doing to you is called, "enmeshing". It is a sad thing for you. Instead of being concerned about you "Nan" is putting her own feelings as # 1. Her realtionship failed not yours. Still show respect and say the subject is off limits.

Answer 8

It's not your fault as long as you keep to yourself about what she does for you and what he does. They are both wanting your love and to play them against each other is wrong (if that's the case) I get that assumption because your nanny isn't upset for no reason, she just don't fly off the handle..Our grandparents want us to look at them as the best thing no one else so give your granny the respect she deserve and nothing wrong with communicating with your grandpa but just keep the distance about what he does for you ...trust me your granny will feel better and you will benefit from it (if you know what I mean)!!!

Answer 9

It's not totally your fault in any way but that you yell at her . You shouldn't do that. I think you should avoid talking about your grandfather in your nan's presence. It might make the situation a lot simpler. You might have to tell her you don't talk to him anymore. It should make her happy and let's you continue doing what makes you happy...Good luck.

Answer 10

say you sorry and start appreciating people used to tell me that too but its ok to be a little selfish as long as they doing for you just go along with the program they will give you more **** if you dont like pretend just to let drama settle dont worry cause you dont no who you might need still keep in contact with your granddad she jusy mad cause her relationship didnt work with him and since he loves you so much she trying to keep that from him to make his life miserable like her and she just putting the pressure on you because its not her fault thats like saying if they where still together dont be around him just listen and use your action and she will get the picture and leave you alone talking back want make it no better hey jusy see as they both can be benefiction to you if they both doing for you grandma old and crazy maybe cause her old *** anit been getting no dick