make me laugh?

Question

the first one to make me laugh gets 10 points ready, set, GO

Answer 1

((this is a school where girls wear skirts and guys wear pants))

One day afterschool, a group of guys tolded a girl if she climbs up a flagpole, he'll give her $1. Then the girl said,"Sure." When she got home, her mom asked her,"Where'd you get $1 from?" The girl explained to her mom what happened afterschool and her mom said, "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, THEY JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
The next day afterschool, the same guys asked her to do it again, but this time for $5. She ignored her mom and said yes. When she went home, her mom asked the same question and she explained. Her mom told her again to NEVER do it again! The next day, the guys offered her a $100 bucks. She couldn't reist and sad yes. When she got home, her mom asked her again and she explained it to her mom. Then her mom told her to never do it again. Then the little girl said, "Don't worry mom, i didn't wear any underwear today!."

Answer 2

not a joke just a funny poem:


One Payday Mr. Peanut wanted a Bit O'Honey, so he took Mary Jane behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. He began to feel her Mounds. That was pure Almond Joy. It made her Tootsie Roll. He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Juicyfruit and caused a Milky Way. She screamed Oh Henry as she squeezed his Peter Paul and Zagnuts. Mary Jane said "You are even better than the Three Musketeers." Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later had a Baby Ruth.

Answer 3

About my hammer toes....
My feet are too big and they are strangely shaped. Also, I have huge hammer toes and worm-like toenails ( the toenail looks like a small worm emerging from the end of the toe)
The hammer toes are a real problem because they can actually be as sharp as a knife! When sleeping, you must put padding over the hammer toe to prevent midnight cuts to other parts of the body!

Answer 4

Heavenly Gates
Three old men stood at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper asked the first man "How many times have you cheated on your wife."
The first man said "I was married for 50 years and I never cheated on my wife."
The gatekeeper gave the man a Rolls Royce to drive across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the second man "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The second man said "I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife one time." So the gatekeeper gave him a Honda and he started off across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the last man "How many times have you cheated on your wife"
The last man said I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife 5 times.
The gatekeeper gave the man a Pinto and the man started across the bridge.
A while down the road the man in the Pinto and the man in the Honda saw the Rolls Royce pulled off to the side of the road with the driver standing beside it crying. When they pulled over to ask him what was wrong he said:
"I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!"

Answer 5

Do songs count?

I'm looking under a two legged wonder
That I under looked before.
First comes the ankles, then comes the knees.
Then comes the panties that blow in the breeze.
There's no need explaining, the one remaining
It's something that all men adore.
I'm looking under a two legged wonder
That I under looked before.
BUT JUST IN CASE YOU WANT JOKES:

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Love, Mom

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."

Answer 6

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "No, I always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a big ******?"

POLE: "No, she a little white woman."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say Polish Remover"

Answer 7

How is toilet paper and the starship, Enterprize, alike?

They both circle Uranus an wipe out cling ons.

Answer 8

A Russian woman goes to the doctor.

"I think I am pregnant." She says

"Have you had a check-up?" Asks the doctor

"No" She replies, "He was Polish."

Answer 9

yo mama so stupid she wipes her azz before she takes a sh*t

yo mamma so old i told her to act her age and the b1cth died

Answer 10

your an idiot ahahahahhahahahah, thanx for the laugh