I have a 5 year old who just started kindergarten. I think he may have ADHD!!?

Question

He constantly defys authority, doesn't listen when he's told to do something, throws fits and tantrums, is extremely loud, can't sit still. His peditrician said that she doesn't treat children with that, if he's even diagnosed with that, until they're like 6 or 7 years old. I'm almost 8 months pregnant with twins and I'm not sure I can handle it anymore!!! Any advice????

I've tried to be the best parent I can be to my son. I've had him in the best pre-school since he was 6 months old and nobody there has ever said anything about his behavior! They thought the world of him and didn't wanna see him go. Everyone I talk to seems to think that he's just a boy. After reading some responses, I've thought about it a little more and I think the problem is my husband. I think that first of all, he has a bit of ADHD himself. Next, I think he has underlying issues he needs to take care of in order to be a better parent. NO I'm not saying I'm perfect, but my husband is always yelling at him at the top of his lungs, plays HARD with him, like he's a professional wrestler, and then expects him to know the difference between play and real!! I've told him several times that he needs counseling and I'd love to go too, but of course he won't. So I guess my son is a product of his environment...MY MEAN A** husband!

Answer 1

I Have a 5 year old sister who just started kindergarden and my mom and me have been thinking that she might have it too. but actually when it all boils down , all kids that age are like that, i was too. I would run around the house screaming and stuff, and my sisters friends do it too, so. No, its normal, and she'll prob. grow out of it anyway.

Answer 2

A lot may be going on in your little guy, and while Kindergarten is a big step -- getting two new siblings in a few weeks is a big adjustment, too.

Do not condemn the pediatrician because she won't automatically give you medication for you son - even if it is ADHD, other things need to be in place to make him successful in school and at home.

Some things to try (though I know at this point you are just ready to have your babies, get papa or another relative on board to help your little guy with his issues).

Consitent bedtime and wakeup time (even on weekends). Make sure he is getting at least 10 hours of sleep a night.

Consistent messages: ALL adults need to be treated with respect -- and he needs to know this, but the inverse is that ALL adults need to treat him with respect. If he is being yelled at by even one person more than being talked to with a calm voice and manner to do things, he won't understand why an adult can treat him that way, and he can't treat an adult that way.

Consistent praise: When he has done something that is responsible and expected, thank him for following through (no "behavior rewards" needed) -- "Wow, I really like how you put your dishes in the sink, that's a big help."

Consistent discipline: If there is something that is a NO behavior -- don't keep saying no, and expect him to stop. SET SOME BOUNDARIES FIRST (before the behavior) -- when you do XXX this is what is going to happen. When you talk back to me, this is what is going to happen. Then -- even if you have never used it before -- set up a time out (at this age, sending to the room is fine) -- for only as old as he is (Not for hours). Tell him if he "breaks" a rule (that you have established) -- you will count , and if you get to 3, he will go into the time out. Tell him that this is to help him gain control over his actions. When he "breaks" a rule, say -- without anger or warning "That's 1"
if he doesn't stop, within 7-10 seconds say "That's 2" -- and if he doesn't stop, say "That's 3, time out" - and take him to his room.

This is from 1-2-3 Magic, by Dr. Phalen -- Teachers use a version of it usually with "green/yellow/red" stop lights. It works because they have a few seconds to "check" their behavior when they are going over the edge -- but it only works when all adults in a child's immediate circle (who work with him a lot) are on board.

None of this will happen automatically, and after your babies are born it may still be too hectic -- but you need to find something that is consistent, and accepting of him before medication is tried. Psychotropic drugs really shouldn't be the first thing tried.

I hope you have help from family members and friends after the twins are born -- you will all need support and sleep!

Take care.

Answer 3

It seems to me that part of the problem is that he has been raised by the system instead of his parents. He has been in other people's care since he was six months?!

The problem is you don't even know your own child. You probably cater to his every whim because you only see him a few hours a day. This will get worse once your twins are here because you'll do whatever you can to keep him quiet.

It is so funny how parents will blame poor behavior and bad parenting on ADHD. Your kids just needs your time and your discipline.

Answer 4

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this. My five year old has just started Kinder and has already been sent to the office at least three times for throwing tantrums and being defiant. Never before has she been like this. The first thing I thought about was adhd also, and we are in the same boat as you as far as testing. However, I've noticed lately that the teacher that I thought was great at first has been treating our child like she is "trouble" as soon as she walks in the door. The teacher is also very cold and almost to the point of being rude to us. I thought Kindergarten teachers were supposed to be patient and willing to work with young children? Anyways, point I making is maybe there is something going on in your child's classroom with his teacher (or something else in the classroom) that is making him behave this way. You should definitely be in constant communication with the teacher and look for any signs that you can, and if you feel in any way uncomfortable then request to have your son switch classes. This made all the difference in the world to my nephew. As soon as he was switched he began to thrive. It's not always JUST the kids, as many teachers would have you believe.

As far as your husband goes, at least your son has you and if your husband doesn't want to go to counseling then just do your best to let your child know what is appropriate and what is not. You just have to keep at it. Also, don't let anyone tell you that your child is not normal or out of control. This is completely normal for many many many children to go through. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Dear ccctwins,
It's hard, I know, I have a 9 year old with ADD and I have it myself. You have to understand A few things. Everyone has symptoms of ADD, especially 5 yr olds! As well as parents, and especially pregnant women (I'm prego too). BEWARE of Psychiatrists who want to drug your kid up, that should be the last resort. I suggest a few things. Wait until he is in first or secon grade, He may be having trouble adjusting to School. Find services to help you, they are out there, research ADD, Bi-Polar, Aspergers, and any other similar disorder, also bring him to an opthamologist and have his eyes checked and be sure to tell the doc he has ADD symptoms, Have him evaluated by an occupational therapist for sensory issues (does he have a hard time with shirt tags and socks?). Speak to the school psychologist and get him An IEP(independant education plan).
These things are important to his education and will hold him back in school and socially.
I bet he's a smart kid, isn't he?
One more thing, check out Indigo children online.
Feel free to email me to talk at [e-mail]
Also, You will need counselling for yourself to deal with an ADD 5 yr old and twins too!
I hope you have good insurance.
Oh yeah once he gets a diagnosis, if he does, check out DMH.
If things ever get out of hand and you feel like you can't handle figuring all these things out yourself Consider Voluntary DSS, they don't take custody, just help you find services.

Answer 6

Try this website www.fedup.com.au - the diet works for my son. A change in diet makes a world of difference. All the preservatives and colours / flavours our children eat can really effect their behaviour. If you do this diet strictly for a few weeks and see a difference you will know it's food intolerence. We started the diet in the last term of kindergarten, did it for 18 months with a great result and are more careful now with foods. You may also find that his behaviour has become a habit so this helps calm him down and think more rationally so a "new" pattern of behaviour can be learnt. Good luck. I know it's frustrating.

Answer 7

That's not ADHD. If it was, then the pre-school would have noticed something. Does he have tantrums at home as well? If he does, then you need to discipline him right away, if you don't, it won't stop. However, the first thing to do is talk to your husband about it and agree on limits for the child's behavior and what the consequences will be for breaching those bounderies. The last thing is to have patience, it won't be corrected overnight. Good luck!

Answer 8

I was going to answer you about the ADHD as a professional, but then I read your additional comments and your rudeness towards your husband - so I don't think it's the child that is your problem. You are causing your own problems, don't blame your child or husband.

Answer 9

ok i really didn't read everyones answers so i might be repeating my son has adhd was diagnosed in kindergarden not verry many pediatricians will treat adhd they wil send u to a clinic that specializes in it that provides every thing you will need but from experience it is hard to get a diagnosis and if he is not acting out in school or preschool you shoul look at other options

Answer 10

well take him to another doctor or pediatrician. I think that by the way you describe it, he does have ADHD. And not to be rude, but the truth is, kids who are diagnosed with adhd are actually from their parents because of bad habits of not controlling their children or telling them to be quiet or not giving them a "time out" of some sort.