Moved 2500 miles away from my daughter who is 11, I had to for work because I lost my job where she lives.?

Question

Moved here because this is where I found work to help support her. I really miss her badly and although she was with me all summer she is back home now. I feel as if I abandoned her although we are in constant contact by phone-email and letters. I won't see her again until the holidays but this in between time is really bringing me down. Any suggestions? Anybody out there that is this same problem? HELP!

Answer 1

get another job, no job is worth not seeing your daughter whats important in life. put it this way on your death bed one day you wont say i wish i'd spent more time working! even if its packing boxes as long as your close to her thats all that matters. you can only pay what you can afford in support and the courts would look at it if you got a less paid job. money isn't important to your daughter you are. get a job closer as soon as you can every day matters and be happy. good luck

Answer 2

Get a web cam for each of you so you can talk and see each other over the computer. Talk to her everyday if even just for a few moments. She is at the age where her friends are probably pretty important to her so pay attention to her and be a good friend and advisor. Don't put your sadness on her. Treasure the time that you had with her and get ready and prepare for the next time you see her so that your time together will be enjoyable and not morose or needy. Fill your time with thoughts of what you can do and let go of the thoughts of hopelessness. Make the best of what you have and be grateful. She will always be your daughter, no matter where she is and there will always be a special love there. That love can be nurtured whether or not she is physically present with you.

Answer 3

My daughters father always lived miles away from her also ,but because he did make the effort to make trips to come an see her an always calling her weekly sometimes daily my daughter has always felt as close to him as if he lived a cross the street . Don't make this a depressing time because she will sense this ,but let her know it is for her an her future when a job moves a parent and always let her know your home is hers even if it is miles away .

Answer 4

What's important isn't so much that you moved away. As she grows up and struggles professionally and financially herself, she'll be understanding of what you had to choose.

What's really important is not to stop contact with her. I wish I would have followed this advice myself when I left my abusive husband and my daughters because I couldn't afford to take care of them and I was too messed up emotionally to take care of them.

As a result I'm estranged from both of them as they have refused to understand what my situation was, but one of them made this point: It wasn't the fact that I was away, but it was the fact that I stopped contact. I erroneously believed that if I stayed away from them for 20 years, they wouldn't have to witness any fights between myself and their father, that I could establish a relationship with them on an adult basis. Movies and shows are full of people who want to look for that parent that they don't know and they have a happy ending once it is said and done.

None of this has happened to me. I'm pretty much a pariah. So don't do what I did and trust that time will take care of things. You stay in touch and make sure that your ex doesn't take that time away from your daughter under any circumstances.

Answer 5

I know for a fact that I couldn't do what you have done. And I'm sorry that kids have to grow up this way. But that doesn't change your situation and I'm sorry for the pain you're in. Have you thought about buying a webcam so you can interact with your daughter that way? Maybe set up a time to "see" and "talk" to her after school (leave it flexible in case she needs to hang with her friends, etc.).

Answer 6

You know in your heart your doing the right thing for the right reasons. Don't beat yourself up over it, you have to do what you have to do. Why isn't she with you? Get a web cam for the both of you so that you can see each other every day! I think that would help.

Answer 7

hey was you a big part of her life b/c my mom left to move with her boyfriend around the corner is where they lived i hated and it was almost 13 yrs ago it loses mother and daughter i still remeber the date she walk out in 1994 i dont like it and she paying for it cause i dont communicate with her everyday like when ever i feel like it and it hurts her cause she tells me how she want to be a mother to me i forgive her but i told her i'm grown now what you was suppose to teach me as a mother i found out on my own.its kind of two late

Answer 8

I'm really sorry. I kind of know. I'm not that far from my son but far enough. He's grown now but when he was younger - he was so far away. Its terrible for you. She probably hates it too. I hope things work out for you and her so you can see each other more. Children need their parents.

Answer 9

I am assuming that you are divorced and your other half has custody...Try to make the best when visiting. I would try to see her on the weekends and as much as possible. Definatly keep contact with her and stay in her life as much as possible. Good luck..

Answer 10

Family is more important. At her age you'll never recapture these moments...if at all possible, go back or as close as possible. She'll be grown before you know it. Be Blessed!