Would a real friend do this?

Question

I got my hair cut pretty short. i wanted to go see this friend of mine at a camp cause i thought it would be a nice suprise...the first thing she said to me wasn't "oh hi" or "omg it's you"..the first thing she said was.."oh i thought you were a boy"
would a real friend say that?

i understand that she was only telling the truth, but couldn't she have said hi first?
and put it in a nicer way. i totally wouldn't have cared if she was nicer about it.

Answer 1

sometimes people say stupid stuff without thinking. i would just ignore that comment but if she says stuff like that often i would definatally find a new friend. you don't need someone to put you down all the time.

Answer 2

The shortness of it must have shocked her and you looked so different; she didn't know how to say this to you and she didn't like it. She probably just said the first thing that came to mind without using some tact instead. Just because she doesn't like how you cut your hair doesn't mean she is not your good friend. If in all other ways she stands by you and is your friend you shouldn't decide this one incident means she isn't a REAL friend. When people change things about them others feel awkward and don't always say what you wanted to hear them say to you. People not saying what I expected them to say or what I wanted to hear them say happens to me alot.

Answer 3

there is no universal definition of what a "real friend" is. that terminology is subjective and abstract. it goes back to how you feel about the situation and how you choose to react to what was said. you can opt for the optimistic, believing that they said it with no ill intention or not significant ill attention, or you can choose to believe that they are an awful awful person.

as far as being offended by someone insinuating that your gender performance had a flaw in it, look people police gender constantly. family, friends, laws, yourself. ask yourself, why is it significant to react to when someone tries to police your gender? many people feel that gender is biological. however, if it were, it would opperate on a "can/cannot physically do something" not a "may/may not socially do something" clause. clearly, you are physically able to cut your hair and transgress gender in these ways so it is not unnatural for you to dress in any gendered way, or do any sort of gender or nongendered body sculpting on yourself and only you can say whether or not it is acceptable unto yourself. don't let anyone else tell you how to perform gender, create what gender means for yourself, and choose for yourself what is acceptable to you. don't listen to the media because they make money by creating gender then selling you the products to help you escape the gender police (who also buy in to what the media is selling. hense why they are gender policing)

good luck with finding your answers. i posted a specific article about gender policing and the emotional consequences in a thread provided in the first source link.
if you are not a member of myspace, there is a livejournal link with some research papers on it and you don't have to be a member. also, i have met the director of nodesignation, tobi, and she is an amazingly insightful person when it comes to gender research.
again, best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Of course it was rude and yes, she could have been nicer. Is she just ignorant or is she mean? I don't know her but well, expect more of this kind of treatment if you keep her as a friend. It's really up to you.

Answer 5

Yeah, real friends are honest about things like that, I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings.

She could have put it nicer, or said it in a more pleasant way, though.

Answer 6

Yes. That is normal. People react differently especially your friends when they notice that you cut your hair. You can tell who your friends really are because they easily notice any changes you might have done. If it's someone that doesn't care or give a crap about you, they wouldn't notice.

Answer 7

A true friend is always honest, but in a tactful manner. It sounds like your friend was in shock and did not handle the situation very well. She should have touched on the subject lightly.

Answer 8

That's a true friend homie!!! To my real friends and do go and say hi, how are you all the time. I see them and just talk to them as if they were my brother!!! I see my brother in the morning and I don't say hi. I say: You lazy bastard, it's 10 and you barely woke up. See, shes like that, she's treating you like a sibling, a true friend!!!

Answer 9

no a real friend wouldnt do that... maybe she wasn't being tactful, or maybe she was shocked to see you... i would have said the same thing- after i said, hello! And the next thing I would say would be " What the Hell did you do to your hair!?!?"

Answer 10

Sometimes people speak before thinking how it might make you feel. And sometimes people just put their foot in their mouth. It doesn't make her a bad friend...she just blurted it out without thinking about it. I know it hurt your feelings and I'm sorry but try not to let it bother you so much. She didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm sure.