Should my first time be a fling?

Question

This is pretty personal so be nice :)

Basically I'm a virgin and really want to be in control of my first time (not in a dominatrix kind of way tho^^), and I've never had a serious boyfriend. I really think I'm ready.

I know my first boyfriend will not be the one I spend the rest of my life with, and I don't want my first time to be linked in memory with a painful breakup.

I've met this guy (he's kind of older but that doesn't bother me) who I think will make a good partner for my first time. He respects me and he doesn't even know yet what I'm thinking, so it wasn't his idea at all. I wouldn't want him to be my boyfriend afterwards, that would be wierd.

I want to... but maybe it's all that romcom propaganda I have in my head, that's making me doubt myself.

Anyway, I'm really interested in what others think of my situation, so please give me your (CLEAN!) thoughts.

:) Thanks

- PS: I'm 18, so don't worry, I'm not trying to rush! :)

- PPS: Either way, I plan to use protection too! :)

Answer 1

before you can make love/sex to someone..you must make love/sex to yourself first...!
Especially if your a virgin, even more so to think it thru if you really just want it to be a fling. YOu seem smart, Im sure you already know what to do about this SITUATION your getting yourself into !

Answer 2

It sounds to me like you have a very good grasp on what you want. I have to tell you that the best part of sex is the intimacy, which you just can't have without the love attached to it, but the rest of it is fun, too :)

If you are 18 you should go to visit a gynocologist if you haven't ever been. You need to tell her that you're thinking about becoming sexually active and she will recomend the most appropriate birth control for you. Think of it this way, the condom is to keep you disease-free, and the birth control is to keep you baby-free :)

If this is something you are serious about, you should probably break up with your boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex without attachment, but it is definantly not fair to your boyfriend for you to be doing these things behind his back. If you don't see a future, just tell him so.

In all honesty I was in a very similar situation at your age. I was a virgin and with someone and we were having issues. I just couldn't see myself spending my future (even just the near future) with him, and I had a cyber buddy. He was older (almost 10 years) and we kept ending up in eachother's cities (we live across the country from eachother). The temptation was strong, but I eventually decided that I really liked my boyfriend and decided to stay with him. We had sex about a year later, and have now been together for four years, it was the best decision of my life.

Regardless of your decision on this particular coupling, you will be amazed by the different experience you will have your first time in comparison to most others. All of my friends spent years worrying about if they were pregnant or had some STD and compainging about who just used them. With the thought you have put into it and the proper supplies, I'm sure you will remember your first time as an experience, not a mistake.

Answer 3

Your first time is special and something you want to remember in a very good way in the near future. You don't have to have sex the first time with a boyfriend or someone your very close to, but it needs to be with someone that is going to respect you above all else. He also needs to be the passionate and sensitive type. You want a man that is going to care about your feelings and needs the first time. Some of us lacked in this area the first time we had sex. Most women and girls wish they could go back and do it right all over again. I myself wished I would have waited for a more caring man to have been my first. I would tell you to not rush this, but if your an adult and your ready to do this then make sure you make this as memorable as possible. Make sure your protected as well. You don't want any unplanned pregnancies or an STD. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Nobody can really give you advice about this. This is a decision that only you can make.

But one thing I will comment on: You say that you don't want the memory of the first time to be a painful one, I hate to break it to you, sweetie: Everytime you get close in a relationship (no matter how seemingly casual) you will always run the risk of being heartbroken. It is truly no different than any other human relationship. Every time you get close to someone, you run the risk of being disappointed, hurt, cheated on, lied to, and broken hearted. It can be with your close family members, a romantic relationship, a friendship or social status (like a church), your job whether it is a boss, coworkers or customers. That's the way life is, pure and simple.

Answer 5

I don't see how your first time being linked in a memory with a painful breakup is any better that doing it with some stranger with no feelings attached (no feelings attached for the first time, not a good way to start). I don't see how going the boyfriend route is so painful if you know its not going to last....

Just admit you don't want to have sex with your boyfriend (maybe hes not sexually attractive or experienced as you wanted). Fine, break up with him, whatever. Find another boyfriend that you see yourself being with and is sexually attractive.

Honestly I don't think youre ready though. If he's over 7 years older...youre def not ready

Answer 6

No, it should not be a fling. I did the same thing you are thinking about doing, and it was a complete disaster. They guy was not gentle with me, and I later learned he was involved in a long-term relationship.

Sex isn't that big of a deal, so why not wait till its with somebody that truly cares about you?

I doubt this "older" guy will give a damn about you. He probably already knows you are a virgin (guys can tell, don't ask me how) and wants nothing more than a slice of pie.

Answer 7

If you have to ask a question like this, it means that you're not ready. If you've waited this long already, you might as well wait until you're in a serious relationship. Don't believe all the hype out there....there are more things to consider. And please, if you choose to go the route you say you're ready for, protect yourself. It only takes one time to get pregnant, HIV/AIDS, or an STD.

Answer 8

i think its a great idea i always hated dated girl that had little or no expirience because ti always seemed akward when anything would happen afterwards and we would break up and they would go psycho i would rather have a girl just use me for her first time and move on no strings attached

Answer 9

i think you should wait. sex is a big deal and it should be taken seriously no matter what people say these days. i know your curious but it can wait until you are married or atleast until you meet the "one". i was the typical guy growing up and did not wait but now that i am married i regret it. i sometimes feel i cheated my wife out of something that belong to her. i also sometimes feel she cheated me out of something that belonged to me. i know people say sex isn't a big deal but it is, so the decision is your's but don't do it without alot of thought and consideration. good luck!

Answer 10

Sex is not the big deal that everyone makes out. If he respects you and you want it then go for it, but make sure he understands you don't want it to be a relationship.