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My Unforseen Rainbow

Strong and brave she sets the stage
Emotions trapped up in a cage
Heart of steel and numb inside
Never one tear had she cried
At this game she was a pro
To ditch and dogdge her every woe
She didn't believe in Mr Right
End a relationship just for spite
Till one day he came along
Not prince charming the story was wrong
Funny and cute and knew what to say
Turned skies sunny that were once gray
He'd break her heart and drive her insane
But yet she loved him so she remained
An idiot she knew for sure
For any other she'd be out the door
She hated herself but couldn't leave
Her tender heart had turned naive
There were many hardships with this guy
He was cold and made her cry
She learned one thing from all this pain
To live in sunshine you must see through rain

2006-08-27 07:16:13 · 18 answers · asked by theblonchic 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

18 answers

No, because it's not a poem, it's a story that has a rhyme meter. As any publisher would tell you, "No one cares about YOUR pain"
specifically.....it's too whiny.
In order to be poetic you have to relate the experience to the reader in a way that's metaphoric, and what about making better use of the beauty of the English language? It's far too plain spoken and as Bukowski would say, "The libraries of the world have yawned themselves to sleep over your kind, don't add to that. Unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket,unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don't do it.
Unless the sun inside you is burning in your gut, don't do it.

When it is truly time and if you have been chosen, it will do it by itself and will keep on doing it until it dies or dies in you.
There is no other way.
and there never was.
Charles Bukowski "So You Want To Be A Writer"

My advice? Leave this kind of stuff in your blog or, read some real poetry first and then try, try again.

2006-08-27 07:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by xNocturnex 4 · 1 0

Poetry is from the heart, not what people thing about it. If you felt something while writing it be it joy, sorrow anger than its a true poem. People may or may not like it but it brought out feeling one way or the other. Keep at it.
Maybe join a poetry workshop or group online.

Good Luck with your future endeavors

2006-08-27 07:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0 0

definite, even if if it truly is their own, yet regrettably they replica as mathangi madamji instructed. i'm no longer telling approximately any member, yet some contributors are liberating questions from dif channels each 5 minits, and for this reason, it truly is complicated for them to remember.

2016-11-05 21:38:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

I really like your poem. And it would be good if set to music--do you write music, too? And, rhyming doesn't go out of style--rappers do it.

2006-08-27 07:41:48 · answer #4 · answered by hillbilly 7 · 0 1

I think it is good. Try putting it to music, it would be a good song with the right beat.

2006-08-27 07:23:54 · answer #5 · answered by papricka w 5 · 0 1

My honest opinion? Rhyming sort of went out of style for serious poetry about a century ago and I didn't really like your poem too much.

2006-08-27 07:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by solo 5 · 1 3

That was beautiful and you get a standing ovation. I know just how you feel. Great poem!

2006-08-27 07:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

hey its good
i feel lot of pain inthere
and u kno it reminded me of a friend of mine
good luck
practice makes man perfect

2006-08-27 07:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by ice cream 2 · 0 1

sounds more like a story-type poem
but its nice

2006-08-27 07:27:40 · answer #9 · answered by madpianist_hahaha 3 · 0 1

did u write that??it`s really good.once i asked if anyone liked my writing and i got rated 2 down and no one answered:(

2006-08-27 07:21:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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