Dating an amazing woman for > 2 months; she is struggling over the fact that I have a son; should I move on?

Question

I am a thirty year old divorced father of one. After, I returned from Iraq I came home to an empty home...broke my heart. So I got out of the military and moved to be near my son. I have sacrifced everything (career goals, etc) so I can do my most important job..be a father, a role model for my boy.

Turns out my next door neighbor is an everything I look for in a mate, but she is still hung up on the fact that I am divorced and have a son. We have been dating for over 2 months; she is worth the wait, but how long is enough time? I don't want to get more involved until she is ready to accept all of me (my divorce, my son, etc). She says she knows she is being selfish, but cannot help but think about all the "firsts" I have shared with my ex-wife.

When is it time to move on? I suggested giving her space until she was ready to progress, but she told me if I take space then she will move on.

Answer 1

You need to be with someone who will respect you and love you for all that you are.
It didn't seem like a goodsign that when you suggested giving her space she said she would move on!
But on the other hand, maybe she is just nervous about all the responsiblities being your mate will bring.
Give her the space she dosent know she needs,if she agrees to stay with you ...then she is the perfect mate for you ...if not....she isnt the one!!!

Answer 2

It is way past time for you to move on. What kind of a role model do you want to be for your son? The kind that will bring a woman into his life to make his life miserable? Your first and only important job is to raise your son. If you can get this woman to move on consider yourself to be extremely fortunate. Keep all women out of your son's life until you know without a doubt it is the woman you will marry. And that woman has to be one that will be excited and happy to have a wonderful little boy to be her son. That woman is out there but you will never find her as long as you are wasting your life with someone who does not have a decent character. (you could also move) Just one last thing, if you think this woman is "amazing" consider raising your standards in what you want in a woman.

Answer 3

Dump her..she is immature and has no idea of what life is about.
Your son comes first. Don't let her interfere in the relationship with your son,she needs to grow up ..obviously you have .
You need to find someone that is more secure in their life without dumping their insecurities on you about "being the 1st" and all that nonsense.
She sounds like she needs to meet someone who is single and without children so she can be the primadonna and have all the attention surrounding her.
They say love is blind..I would cool it with your next door neighbor immediately and I would seriously consider moving also for your safety and your son's safety.
Rent the movie "Fatal Attraction" and see if you see any similarities in that movie with your own life.
You will be on the phone with a Realtor in 2 minutes after you finish watching that movie.
Break it off with her,don't let her make all the rules. You deserve better.

Answer 4

Dear Awake,

I think you have suffered enough!

Move on. You have your son to think about and making sure that he has a good life. If there is a woman that can accept all you have to bring to a relationship, then you will find her, but this is not the one. If it was she would not let the act that you were married and have a son be a problem. Good Luck

Answer 5

This is a tough situation and I extend my hopes to you to find a good mate. If not with this lady, with someone who will love you and treat you right. I commend you on putting the role of father first. So many people find it easier to move on and forget that their kids need them.

As regards your girlfriend, two months of dating is hardly enough time to decide whether or not you love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them bound in matrimony. She may decide to go ahead and try but still have her doubts pop up later on. Or she might just forget your past. She is right on one thing....she is being selfish. What about all the firsts she had with other people? Won't you be denied something as well? Not knowing her age makes it hard to say for sure, but she seems like she is between 14 and 24 years of age. With relatively little life experience as yourself. This is not advice, as no one can really advise another on matters of the heart, but I will share some principles that should be followed by anyone seeking to have a relationship with anyone.

Be evenly yoked spiritually: Having the same belief system with regards to spiritual matters is vital if two people are going to be united. How you view your purpose in God's plan should match hers.

Respect: Give each other respect all day every day. No one likes to feel like they are not appreciated or considered. Male and female need to be treated with great respect for things to move along smoothly.

Love: Look in the dictionary at the different definitions for the word love. Then read in your bible what God's definition of love is. You can find it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It reads:

4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8) Love never fails.

Be patient, Buddy. take your time and talk things over in a kind way with your lady. Explain how you feel and try and get her to tell you what she feels. REASON with her about your mutual pasts. I hope things go well for you and I also thank you for your service to your country. We appreciate all you have done and sacrificed.

Larry
[e-mail]

Answer 6

First...thank you for your service to our great country! 2nd. 2 Months is a nano-second in relationships..you don't give the degree of how unwilling she is to accept your son & you as a package deal. If she contunues to have a problem with it and talks alot about how these FACTS bother her...I'd move on...one there for SURE there are tons of avaliable woman out there who would love to meet someone like you that puts so much importance into your SON..GOD BLESS you for that...woman come and go but that little boy will be there until they day he puts you into the groud!

Answer 7

You should be proud of yourself for being a great dad. She must have had alot of firsts with other people. I don't get the attitude but I do in away. Keep dating but if the issue remains then you need to reconsider the relationship. She will never be truly happy, and you will never be truly happy knowing she resents all the firsts with your ex.
She may just need to get used to the idea of a ready made family. Good luck!

Answer 8

She is being selfish! If she can't except you for who you are move on. You should not have to change a thing for anyone - if they don't except you for who you are then it was not meant to be. You and your family should always come first no matter how much you like this women. Give her the space if it was meant to be she will back, and if not then she was not the one for you and your son.

Answer 9

You should move on and maybe find another place to live cause if you date someone else and she still lives next door there is going to be some feelings hurt there, And you should be with some one that will except you and your son??

Answer 10

i kinda know how she feels. i married a man that was divorced and he had 3 kids. but there are firsts that you two can share together. she needs to get over it. seriously. i have kids with my husband and we have shared many new things, our first anniversary, the birth of our first child etc. if she cant get over it then maybe you should find someone else that is a little more mature and can accept you and your son.