Do you believe "spare the rod, spoil the child"?

Question

Thats the philosophy my grandmother USE to go by. When ever I was growing up, if me and my cousins got out of line we would get a spanking (well, actually a switchin'). But now, we are grown up (17, 19, and 20 year olds) and we are good people I think. We have a 7 year old cousin who is very spoiled and gets away with everything. My mamaw doesn't whip her, but insteads sends her to her room. So, she still does what she wants because she knows that she'll just be sent to her room. What do you think'? Do you believe children should be spanked or not? I know it looks really bad....but in some cases I think its needed. I just don't know.

Well, here's some examples of how my 7 year old cousin acts : I laying in the floor and she stomped on my face....when she gets mad she throws things at people.......she screams and crys until she gets what she wants and so forth.

Answer 1

Yes spare the rod, spoil the child. Just dont use it as your everyday means of discipline, but when they have really messed up you should spank. Now i can just give my kids the look and they know. but honestly its not really to spank or not to spank. As long as you follow through with it. If you dont they wont trust your discipline and they get ruly and out of hand.

Answer 2

Well as a mother I can tell you it is often very diffcult to actually spank your children.But Beleive this or not the nanny 911 has really helped me kinda stray from spanking.But on the other hand my mother beleived in it and It didn't hurt me at all to get a little spanking every once in a while,truth be known I should have gotten more myself..but there is also a differance in abuse and spanking..you should NEVER discpline a child when you are angry because you could spank too hard...To me what it boils down to is it something that deserves a spanking..Did the child sneak in an extra soda before dinner,or did the child punch it's sibling in the eye?? You know what I mean..Parenting is never easy you must use your own judgement..

Answer 3

First thing, the phrase "spare the rod and spoil the child" was not meant to indicate spankings. In the time of the Bible when this phase was first used the rod indicated was a shepherd's rod. It was used to give the sheep guidance and to keep them going in the intended direction. If a sheep started drifting off in the wrong direction the shepherd didn't beat the sheep with the rod/staff. He nudged or guided them back to the proper path.

Now with that said it may seem that I am about to tell you that I don't believe in spanking. If you had talked to me 10 years ago, that's exactly what I would have said. Now I am a special education teacher with two degrees under my belt, including several child development classes. My husband and I have also taking parenting classes at our church while we were pregnant for our son. With all that added experience I will tell you that I certainly do believe in spanking.... in the right situations and never in anger.

I think by your explination you are on the verge of a very important truth, one that I may not fully be able to explain. Let me just ask you this...is it more loving to let a child do whatever they want or to teach them at any cost the difference between right and wrong and how to regulate themsleves? How would they be able to get along better in the world? For example: My son starts to run out into the street. No problem, it's the first time. He's acting childishly, he doesn't know any better. I pull him back and tell him no, you can't go out into the street it's dangerous, you will get hurt (maybe not even that much explination). He tries it again. He is old enough to understand no and what mommy is telling him so now he is acting foolishly. He knows better but he does it anyway. He is trying to turn it into a game. After all, the first time he did it he got mommy's attention and that is a good thing, right? Well, because it was intentional and he is disobeying, and it is a very important safety issue, it is my responsibility to keep him safe and to make him learn that he can't go out into the street and mommy means it. How do I teach him that? I have to associate going out in the street with something he dislikes. With some children that means a time-out. With others time-out doesn't work, taking things away doesn't work, and you many need a very immediate response for them to make the connection. So when they run out into the street you associate that with a little pain of giving them a swat on the butt. For other situations there is what is called natural consequences. For example: "Honey don't play with your frisbee that close to the river, you could lose it." They don't listen and guess what, the frisbee flies into the water and is gone forever? Do you spank them for disobeying you? Nope because they had natural consequences and they are learning a very important lesson by losing their toy. YOu have to emphasise their loss at this point.\

So what I am trying to say is that the punishment must fit the crime. There is a time for spanking, but it is not for everything. Use the child's wrong behavior to teach them important lessons about life. You should never spank in anger and it is very difficult to be a teacher when you are angry as well.

Good luck with your cousin and whatever it is you are dealing with. Keep thinking, this is a very important subject.

Answer 4

Not a rod or a paddle but a spanking I say 2 good wops not pants down. Or a toy taken away. Or no TV. This seems to work even better. At least with my nephew it did. Some children just go through phases and some are
psychologically damaged. In this case (if her disobedience goes away, which it will) she needs some kind of therapy. You need to show your Mom these answers. There may be other problems going on too. I'm just trying to look at this from all sides.. good luck Hun :o)

Answer 5

This site below explains exactly what "Spare the rod." means.
Don't take anyones' advice here if they recommend it. I have studied childhood development and have 3 of my own and it is wrong to spank.
You should watch a few shows of Supernanny and Nanny 911. All their techniques are really effective, we use them and they work great. They also have a book out and all the discipline techniques are step by step. You have to stick with a plan and follow through each time so that he knows you mean business. Children need to predict the outcome in order to behave good in the future. Never spank, using fear and pain is the wrong way to go about it.
Spanking is a form of violence that teaches children that inflicting fear and pain on others is a way to control their behavior. Parents who spank are out of control and are not disciplined parents. It just teaches children how to hit, how to be sneaky, how to fear, how to be ashamed and how to take anger out on others. All degrees of spanking- light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always- give children the wrong kind of attention. You want your child to follow rules because they are right and good, not to avoid punishment because they are scared and become sneaky. When parents spank, they stop their children at the lowest level of moral development. So all the idiots that recommend to spank are eroding their childs ability to be empathetic. When you react with anger to childrens' behavior, we teach them to act without considering another persons' feelings-another consequence we need to avoid. Then when your child doesn't have empathy, it is impossible for them to learn to share, play well with others, avoid angry and violent actions, and take responsibility for their actions. That is what I think.

Answer 6

I believe that statement is open to interpretation. I believe it means that children will be spoiled if they are not disciplined. I don't believe that every offense deserves a spanking but I am not against it either. I do believe that time outs work but the have to be done in a manner that will work. No fun at all. Bedrooms are usually where children have all their toys. Even just laying on the bed and looking at things can be stimulating and fun. Time outs should be done in a corner or a dining room or someplace where they are secluded and there is nothing to do or to look at to stimulate them and all they have to focus on is what the did wrong.

Answer 7

I do believe some kids can be raised without a whipping. Although I have only met one person.

Your cousin needs an *** whipping quickly. And you should have done it when she stomped your face. I'd probably still be kicking her ***.

Example: My friend and her daughter take in foster kids. And not any foster kids they take teenage behavioral girls. So they come with a lot of baggage.

These girls have slapped their teachers, cussed them out, fighting etc. They have never hit them. They do not tolerate this behavior. And screw DFS. They raise their hands to them or me they will be hit back.

That is what you older kids need to do is hit her back.

She is going to be a holy terror as she gets older. And if she is just sent to her room. You need to find her currency. Take the TV, games etc.

You don't want to get to a point where you hate to see her coming.

Answer 8

I do not believe in spanking, there are other effective ways of discipline. A child can and will learn from being sent to his/her room or being sent to timeout as long as their room isn't a fun place to be and you are consistant. I wasn't spanked and I turned out fine.

Answer 9

I was never spanked as a child and I was never spoiled. It's all about balance and teaching your child boundaries and to respect those boundaries. I was a good kid who never needed to be spank because I respected my parents and knew what I was allowed to do and what I wasn't allowed to do. Spanking teaches that violence is the way to solve a problem and that's wrong.

Answer 10

NO.
Spanking just teaches that:
1. if you're bigger, then it's OK to hit
2. you can't trust the people who are supposed to be looking after you
3. it's OK to shame someone else
4. make sure you don't get caught if you do something wrong

Spanking doesn't TEACH the child anything. Our goal is to EDUCATE our children about how to behave. It's an imposed consequence instead of a natural or logical consequence to their actions. It devalues the parent and the child. Would you hit your spouse if they did something wrong? (And spanking *IS* hitting, no matter how hard those who choose to spank try to deny it.)

Spanking doesn't work well. It may stop the undesireable behavior for the moment, but it doesn't teach the lesson that carrys into the future about what was wrong with the behavior and how to do better next time.

And spanking IS NOT BIBLICAL. From the top link below:

Don't use the Bible as an excuse to spank. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. They take "spare the rod and spoil the child" seriously and fear that if they don't spank, they will commit the sin of losing control of their child. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.

Rod verses - what they really mean. The following are the biblical verseswhich have caused the greatest confusion:

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. "Rod" (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.). While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." – Psalm 23:4).

Jewish families we've interviewed, who carefully follow dietary and lifestyle guidelines in the Scripture, do not practice "rod correction" with their children because they do not follow that interpretation of the text.

The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority. We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible – parents take charge of your children. When you re-read the "rod verses," use the concept of parental authority when you come to the word "rod," ratherthan the concept of beating or spanking. It rings true in every instance.

While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times. These "rod" verses have been burdened with interpretations about corporal punishment that support human ideas. Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith.

In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. 4:21: "Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?" Paul went on to teach fathers about the importance of not provoking anger in their children (which is what spanking usually does): "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Eph. 6:4), and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

In our opinion, nowhere in the Bible does it say you must spank your child to be a godly parent.