Should you apologize for something that you don't regret doing?

Question

In other words, when you apologize, is it for the deed or for the impact on someone? Should you specify?

Answer 1

You could and should just be straight up and honest, and say "look, I don't regret what I did, but I regret the way it made you feel. " Saying you're sorry isn't a sign of weakness, you know. If the person means something to you, you wouldn't even have to ask a question like that. You'd just do it.

Answer 2

It depends on whether it is someone I love or just an acquaintance. If it is a relationship/friendship that I don't want to lose, then I go up to the person and apologize. The thing is if you really feel that you don't regret what you did, then don't apologize for what you did, but for hurting their feelings. Then ask them what it was about what you did that hurt their feelings. It often turns out that it is not necessarily the thing that I did that hurt their feelings, but how I went about doing it that hurt their feelings. Then you apologize for going about it that way, and the issue is squashed. You still have your pride, because you didn't apologize for what you don't regret having done, and their anger is appeased because you genuinely apologized for hurting them.

If it is a relationship you don't care about saving, then just give them time to get over it.

Never apologize unless you really intend on changing what you did, and remember you cannot change something you have no regrets about.

Answer 3

Apologizing for something that for which you do not feel guilt is allowing yourself to be dominated by another person and if you do it, it will definitely happen again. Everyone's standards are different and who can say whose are right or better than the other's? What one person takes offense to, another person may not even notice. I witnessed a woman at a laundromat once who severely scolded her child for pushing the laundromat's wheeled metal basket out the front door toward their car. "You just don't do that, You have no right to push their cart outside on the sidewalk and the parking lot!! I thought, "hey, lady, I do it all the time, what's the problem? Everyone does it." I felt like saying something, but it wasn't any of my business and I figured the kid would eventually hear something like "See all the trouble you caused?" Some people don't know when to stop trying to run everything and dump guilt on everyone around them.

You might want to apologize for not considering the other person's feeling if you could or should have known what their standards are. If it's something that you can avoid doing in front of that person, I would suggest that you not do it it again just to keep the peace, but apologizing for how you feel yourself or who you are is submission to another person's standards and that, to me, is a great big no-no. Only you can decide if you actually feel genuine guilt for your actions, and for that you only need to apologize to your conscience or your God. Be courteous, but stand your ground and make sure your that exact feelings are known. Be assertive without being rude.

I just recently went through this exact scenario with my elder sister, who was not satisfied merely with a promise to refrain from certain behaviors in front of her. She was aghast that I felt no remorse except to her as I stated that with those who took no offense at this type of conduct, I had no intention of changing my actions.

Lots of Luck!!

Answer 4

Well if you do apologize you are a conn artist. If you did something wrong and you don't regret it you definatly should not apologize. That way the person can see what a shallow self centered person you are and afford you the lack of trust you deserve in the future.

But the fact is most people who do things wrong with no regret will eventually offer an empty apology as a way to manipulate the other person.

Answer 5

It depends how much you care for the other person.

If it's someone you care about, you might want to explain the rationale for your deed - this will enhance understanding and communication between the two of you in the future. People that are close to you can be hurt and puzzled by your actions and resolution is healing.

If you don't really care for that person at all, or will never see them again - I see no reason to apologize for something that you don't regret doing.

Answer 6

Thoughtful question. I think that the impact on someone is the determining factor. Ask yourself if this person deserved what you said or did, if not apologize. There are bad people who do bad things and there are good people who make mistakes.

Answer 7

If what you did was wrong then yes you should. Sometimes even if your right its better to be the bigger man and apologize. Pick your morals wisely and stand by them no matter what. If someone crosses your morals then they are wrong,and don't ever apologize for standing up for your beliefs. Just make sure your morals are worth dying for. Don't sweat the little things and stand on your moral for the biggies

Answer 8

Saying you're sorry and apologizing for something are two different things. Whatever the case, I would explain the reasons for both if someone thought I intentionally hurt their feelings.

Answer 9

there is 2 reasons to apologize 1 its the right thing to do and two because you are truly sorry however if youre doing it only because its the right thing to do don't specify to the person

Answer 10

If what you did is right to you then don't apologise for doing it, but be aware of the effect or impact it may have on someone else. You could apologise for the way they feel but point out that you considered your action justified.