Problems with kindergarten?

Question

My daughter is in kindergarten and is crying every morning when I leave. The teacher has to pull her off me. She went to the same school last year for Pre-K and did not ever have this problem. I have tried bribing her; I have given her a picture of me to carry; I even threaten to take away her Barbies (she told me I could have them if I let her stay home). Any suggestions?

This started before school did when she decided she wanted to stay home with me (i do not work) instead of going to school. There is no bully and the teacher is someone she already knows.

Answer 1

This is not that uncommon. Different years have different expectations, different routines, etc. Plus she's older, and it's a new school year, and she's probably been home with you all summer. My daughter goes to the school where I'm the Principal, and she still sometimes did this in Kindergarten!

Sometime when she's not upset, say, "You've been having a hard time in the mornings. Why don't you want to stay at school?" See if you can find out if there's something specific that's bothering her -- a bully, disliking the teacher, not liking going to gym, whatever. Then you can address that head on.

Another thing to consider is whether there is something that is making her feel insecure that has nothing to do with school. Did you just start a new job? Is there a new baby or even a new puppy at home?

Giving her a picture of you is a good idea if the problem is really missing you, but it might not be. Bribes and threats don't address whatever the real issue is either.

One last thing -- ask her teacher how she is after you're gone for the rest of the day? Sometimes kids who have the worst anxiety in the morning are just fine after the parents are gone. It's the actual moment of separation that is horrible for them, not the whole experience.

And finally, I need to say this, there are parents who cause their children's separation anxiety by refusing to leave and by saying things to their kids like, "I won't leave until you are calm" or "I know school is very scary and awful, but it's only for a few hours." I'm not saying you're doing this, but it's something to keep in mind.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Well how long has it gone on for? Is it just a little while or on going? it is sometimes normal but only for a shot time, they do adjust eventually.

Children don't like change much unless you intentionally ease them into being familiar with the fact that the unfamiliar is not going to hurt them.

If something is wrong... The teacher won't object to a teddy bear cam on a high shelf where no one can play with it! You have the right to observe and should! It is horrible the kinds of people they allow to work for schools and daycare. Even if the teacher is someone she knows... Even if it is a family member. People don't usually just come out and admit it if they are abusive. When it comes to my kids... EVERYONE is under scrutiny. I never ever let my guard down for one second!

My older child just saw his music teacher of three years arrested for having an inapropriate affair with an underaged female student! This is an educated man, who thought somehow that it would be worth it to destroy his life by trusting a teenager to keep an adult affair private and quiet... I personally hope they FRY his balls in oil! The student teacher relationship should NEVER be taken for granted...

It could also be, that if she is spoiled and used to getting her way all the time, they may not allow her to do whatever she wants and she probably doesn't like it much. Some children take well to regimented sit and stand and read and sleep... some kids take longer to get into routines.

You have got to play school with her at home. It is vital, they need to understand boundaries and limitations and if you fail her here... she will have problems with it (authority) for the rest of her life because you truly do learn everything you need to know in life... In kindergarten!

Answer 3

I would talk to her teacher. Is she only like that in the morning, or does she cry all day long? Most kids have a hard time adjusting, but after an hour or so, they're just fine and running around with the other kids. My son did the same thing for about a month. His teacher told me that once I left and he settled in, there was no problem at all. It's like he had amnesia every morning and forgot what a good time he'd had the day before. lol. Just keep encouraging her and explain that going to school isn't a choice. You'll get through it, don't worry. :)

Answer 4

All jokes aside maybe her teacher isn't the right personality type for her. My son just started kindergarten too and his teacher seems to have something against him. On his second day he got in trouble for talking in the hallway and was told by the teacher that he was a pain in the butt and sent to the principle's office and had to talk to a cop. I can only hope that the cop was actually a school security gaurd but since the teacher didn't send a note home or call me I can't be for sure. His school is sort of insane as far as I'm concerned, they aren't allowed to talk in the halls or lunchroom which is something I've never heard of. When I was a kid in school they would have had to duct tape our mouths shut to keep us from talking in the lunchroom. The first day I took him in and ate breakfast with him and in the cafeteria the teachers even shushed me... I spoke loudly saying, "Goodness Justin your school has been taken over by Nazis" I don't think they thought it was very funny, but I did. I know that some people even as adults just don't have a good personality match so maybe that's the case with your daughter and her teacher. Maybe the teacher has caught your daughter looking at her picture of you and thought it was disrupting her teaching and took it from her saying god know what about it. I know that by law you're allowed to sit in in the class and although the teacher may not appreciate it maybe you'll find something out about the teacher that you will be happy to have found out. You can always have a meeting with the principle and ask for her to be changed to a differrent class and if they don't go for that go ahead and call the superintendant, they can get the ball rolling in the right direction. You must be an advocate for your daughter as no one will take her seriously because she's 5, you're her mommy you must protect her best interests. Oh yeah, is the teacher Mrs. Waller? Just kidding. Best wishes


P.S. after reading the additional details... have you considered trying to home school her for this one year? Most states don't really require you to prove that you have done anything with them all year and especially for kindergarten. But if you want her to enjoy going to school try not doing anything fun at all while she's home for a few days. That might encourage her to go to school where there may be something fun to do. I'm not saying lock her in her room but try to make all outings about grocery shopping and none about going to the park, they do have recess at school you could say.

Answer 5

That just sounds strange! Have you ever wondered that thier might be a reason for all this like her teacher isn't has nice to her as she is to the other kids. Maybe she is being bullied by a certain kid which could make it miserble. Maybe she is having a hard time making friends or adjusting to the new year.

I would come back later in the day sometime when she and the teacher isn't expecting you and watch outside from the door window and see what it could be.

Answer 6

It could be that she has learned that she can get attention from doing this and get you to stay with her a little bit longer! It probably wont last to long as children get bored of doing the same things and forget she was supposed to be doing that when she gets even more settled!

I know this because this is what i did every morning to make my mum feel guilty! I'm now 21 and i can still remember doing it! and how my mum would have to stay with me for an extra 10 mins and i was happy because no other child had a parent! i was a spiteful child!

If you are still worried than you can do as everyone else has said get her to draw a picture!

Hope everything gets sorted soon

Answer 7

If a child is willing to give up her toys just to be home with you, something is wrong, and it should not be ignored. If you do not work, consider home schooling her for a year or two. In time, she might want to return to school to be with other children. If you work or for any other reason, home schooling is not an option, ask her if she would be willing to go to a different school. If you can afford private school, that could become an option. If not, move to another house in another neighborhood. I'm not saying you should always give in to every demand a child has, but if she is that tortured by the school and would accept a different school, go for it. If she won't go to any school and cannot stay home with you, either consult a therapist OR consider getting licensed as a teacher and opening your own school so she can stay with you. Sorry, but I'm siding with the child on this one.

Answer 8

o first your making a big mistake by offering her to take he toys and by bribing her. leave her at home one day but don't make it fun for her wake her up at the time she goes to school and make her help you with the house and stuff don't let her watch TV or anything , if that does not work well its time for the mom to talk to her explain why she needs to go to school, tell her its her only responsibility she has to do. Its just a thing shes going through she will get over this trust me.

Answer 9

My daughter had this problem, so I asked her for some help in answering this. Here is what she says:

Find friends to help her calm down.
Think about going home.
Look at mommy's picture.
Talk to Mrs. Price. (school counselor)
Visit at lunch time.
That's just about it.

So there you have it. Out of the mouth of someone who experienced the problem!

Answer 10

keep going she will soon settle in,my son was like that ,tell her you want her to do a nice painting for you to put on the wall ,and say the teacher will be sad if she doesn't go to school say she will miss her and she will cry ,it work for my son ,give it a go,good luck