i want a baby?

Question

I am 18 and have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and i really want a baby with him i think he feels the same but i have just finished college studing hairdressing and feel it might ruin my career. he has got a good job earnin bout a grand a month i dont no if we will be able to cope and i no my family will be really dissapointed, but i really want a baby, what should i do????

Answer 1

you have to kool down and wait for your time ok.don't be too forward.think abt ur home and ur career as well.plx don't try it now

Answer 2

After 41+ responses, i jusy hope you read this one!

serious suggestion: see if you can babysit a baby for a week (niece/nephew) then see if you still want a baby so young. Hard work doesnt begin to describe it. And once you have a baby, you arent free anymore to do or go where you want.

Yes, your career will be hindered... i wouldnt say ruined, but it will have to be put on hold. You are a woman with dreams and ambitions, and I am sure you wanna rise in the hairdressing industry. This will require you to put in extra time refining the skills of your trade, working and gaining more experience. But none of this is possible when you have a baby. Glittering careers and babies do not usually go hand in hand, usually one has to be temporarily sacrificed for the other.

And childcare is expensive, in my area it costs £175 a week. How much will you have left over from your £12,000 a year BEFORE tax?

Look, I am not trying to put you off having a baby, but I just wouldnt recommend it now, particularly if you want to succeed in life. Build a better life for you and your family, get your career sorte,d then think about babies ok??

Answer 3

Wanting a baby is all well and good but the sacrifice is something not to be taken lightly plus £1000 per month might sound a lot but break it down into weeks take out housing costs and living expenses and you might find when all said and done there's nothing left , plus add the expense of a baby and you'll probably be missing a few meals or buying reduced to clear stock at your local supermarket having no social life and putting a strain on your relationship , best to build a home first then decorate with children later once you can better afford them

Answer 4

Have you spent lots of time with little monsters? Do you know what it would be like to have one around 24/7? These aren't critical questions but just think if you are ready for the responsibility mentally, I won't comment on the financial aspect coz I think if you had to you'd find a way to manage on that money. Try spending time helping out at your local nursery and get some more exposure to little 'uns, even babysit a few with your bf in tow to get a feel for how you might both manage. Who knows if you're too young, is there a perfect age? Some people start young and are happy for the rest of their lives, others wait to establish themselves and set up a 'nest', others choose not to at all! Make sure you both want this, good luck and be happy :)

Answer 5

If you think you're ready for a baby, you should finish some other things first just to prove that you can:

- Get married.  Yes, legally.  Say to everyone (including yourselves) that you belong together.
- Buy a house with at least 10% down.  Being able to make and save the money proves that you know how to manage it.  And if you can't manage money, you're going to be up s--- creek without a paddle if you have a baby.
- Put aside enough savings for one of you to be out of work for at least 6 months.  Do you think you're both going to go to work every day when you have a newborn?

Yes, this will take several years of work.  But if you can't do that or anything else that's hard, you're going to make a mess out of the 18+ years of raising a kid.

Answer 6

Hiya,
I was 19 when i had my first baby.
I had been with the dad for one year.
13 years later we are still here and about to try for our 4th child.
It has been very very hard.
We love each other very much and thats what has got us through.
That all sound good doesnt it well the other side to this story is thst we only just returned from our FIRST holiday as we cannot afford it, we scrimpt and saved all year to fund it.
Also the children comes first. I cant remember the last time i had a shopping trip for just ME.
We live in tescos own clothes, We hardly go out and our life consists of ferrying the kids about, doing the garden and house.
If you like the sound of that that go for it and hope your boyfriend will be there in 13 years time.
But you could travel abroud, open your own hairdressers or at least buy a house do it up, get a nice car each and enjoy yourselves.
Dont get me wrong i love my life (its what you make it ) my kids are good but i do wish i could go back and party abit more before i started the family.
Good luck and maybe get a puppy first just to get a taster of what its like to have something totally dependant on YOU.
Sam.

Answer 7

Your only a baby yourself. I know the feeling of wanting a baby and totally empathise with how you feel. If you and your b/f feel ready then nothing can get in the way of it. Seriously consider what you want and weigh everything up. Things like: Is the house big enough, can we afford to buy everything without struggling, is the relationship ready for a baby, do you want to enjoy your lives together for a bit longer. There is no rush to get pregnant. I know its hard to battle with your feelings if there are other friends and family around with babies, it cuts through like a knife sometimes. Just remember, theres no hurry to have a baby, youv'e got plenty of time yet, weigh everything up, disscuss it with your b/f. Your only 18, have a bit of fun first. You'll still be a 'young un' if you wait till your 20. Hope this helps abit.

Answer 8

I say wait honey. You guys are just starting out and a baby is an 18 year commitment the first few of which are very hard and tiring especially if you need to work too. I'm not saying it isn't very rewarding but at least wait until your financial situation is steady and secure and has been for a little while.

Also, you said you 'think' he feels the same? Talk to him about it. He may or may not be ready. You will both be raising this child so it's only fair to consult him on it and really listen to what he has to say. Try not to jump to any conclusions if he says no, take a deep breath and try to see things from his point of view. You may be right and he'll be over the moon but find out first before you wind yourself up over it.

Who knows it may just be the middle of your cycle and the horn/baby craving has hit. Take your time.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

First you must be sure that your boyfriend agree totally with You. You are 18 and he is possible almost in the same age so decide if you are both grown up enough to such responsibility. Think of employing baby-sitter if it is not too much cost full. But don't rise career over parenting. Your child will need you like true mother so baby-sitter is only to support You not to completely take care of your child. You are in difficult situation, its your decision but don't forget that any parents should count on support from others like other family members. Do whole preparations needed before you make some mistakes. I wish You whole luck You will need.

Answer 10

I don't see any problem with your age. My husband's mother had him at 16 and did great. I don't see it as a problem you don't have much money either. I do think it is a BIG problem that you don't seem to have talked about this with your boyfriend. What, are you just going to get pregnant and hope for the best from his reaction? Stop trying to play God with other people's lives. This is not just about your life, but your boyfriend's and your potential child's. Having a baby should come from a calm and rational decision, your desperate feelings about it do not seem healthy. What is it you think a baby will do for you? Give you a sense of purpose? Someone to love? I think its very unfair bringing someone into the world with those expectations already on them. You will be disappointed by the reality. What is it you are really looking for here?

Answer 11

It's completely normal to feel strong urges to have a baby.

Try to focus on your career, or a new hobby. Or focus on getting yourself financially ready; enough to cover your salary for as long as you will be staying home, baby items, and backup cash. Put money away, invest in a 401K, save for a house. By the time you are financially ready, you might be emotionally ready also.

If you can't have an adult discussion with your boyfriend on this subject, then you are not emotionally ready for a child. Make sure that you are both on the same page before you try to bring a child in the mix.