i have been with my man for 7 years and have kids together.he has always been a drinker and i used to enjoy a drink too but i stopped drinking about a year ago(i wasn`t an alcoholic or anything!!!)but he is close to being an alcoholic.he drinks every night and through the day at the weekends.although he is not physically abusive,he causes loads of arguments and talks to me like a piece of ****!!!! when he`s sober he`s great. he has been to the doctor but only to shut me up i think,but no matter what anyone says to him,including the doctor,he won`t calm down with the drink. i really don`t want to be with him but we have young kids to think about. i know they would miss him cos he is a good dad but they can`t grow up with the amount of arguing that goes on in here!!! i am so confused!!!!
2006-08-27 02:20:14 · 58 answers · asked by nicola 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
KICK HIM OUT or leave him go to your moms or friend let him know that you are leaving him when he is sober tell him how you feel. i know it will be hard if he cries still leave. my wife did this for me and today i have two years sober but the thing is i done it for me and now we are back together . If he is only doing it to please you he will never stop. tell him when you leave to write a list of what alcohol has done in his life compare to without tell him to put losing you as #1 on what alcohol has given him tell him to go to AA and until you see him putting up a fight stay away. The kids will be alright dad can still see them but only if he is not drinking, besides they have you. I know what he is going through plus i know what you are going through. Life will still have ups and downs but things will work out either together or apart because more people will be willing to help you if you help yourself. Spoken form a man still recovering because its a lifetime recovery
2006-08-27 02:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by walter l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always thought it was a very bad idea to stay togather just for the kids. However, that is more up to the individuals in volved.I suppose and the situation. To me it sounds like the two of you are not really getting along well due to the excesive drinking. It seems you both have very different points of view here. Surely this is not good for the kids with mom and dad always fighting. Also if he shows no respect for your then what is that teaching the kids? They lean from the exsample you set. Perhaps it might be a good idea to start looking into other options. You will need to know how you will support the kids and yourself without him. Sure there's child support but that doesn't cover everything. At the end of the day he is still there day so I think it would be important to keep him in ther lives somehow if possible. First decide what your options are then wieigh them out before you deciding anything. good luck what ever you decide.
2006-08-27 02:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by midnight5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone that was married 21 years to an alcoholic, please don't stay together for the kids. It is not worth it and you are worth more then to be his doormat.
There is no such thing as a good dad that drinks all of the time although my children would say differently.
The only way he will stop drinking is if he wants to. No one can make him stop.
My ex was the same way as your husband with the verbal abuse. By the end of our marriage I was contemplating suicide, that's how bad it got.
Finally I got some backbone and threw the bum out and I have never regretted it.
I have been divorced for 11 years and it has taken all 11 years to get my self esteme back.
I have a new man in my life and we are engaged. I rarely see my ex except when there is something going on with the grandchildren and I'm glad.
You have to get yourself and your children away from that situation and fast.
If there aren't any relatives you can stay with, then find a local woman's shelter and go there. You need to get back on your feet and tell him to get out of your life.
Good luck.
2006-08-27 02:32:24 · answer #3 · answered by couchP56 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. The kids are the most important part in this equation, and staying together given these circumstances is wrong. Don't raise them in a hostile environment where neither of you are happy - they'll easily see what's going on and they're stuck in the middle.
Take a break for a while. Has he anywhere to go? If he could stay with friends or relatives whilst he tries to drop the alcohol (which he must - he's a father and has responsibilities) that might be a start.
If you're adamant you don't want to be with him then he's got to go I'm afraid. Arrange visits for him to see the kids (supervised at first - not necessarily by you) and try to remain friends as best you can.
2006-08-27 02:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by nert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, because children are not stupid and pick up on more than adults think. you say he is not physically abusive YET but you say his drinking is becoming more and more of a problem then who knows what the future holds for him. It's time you put your foot down and gave him an ultimatum its the alcohol or me and the children. And stick to your guns alcohol is not a pleasant environment to be bought up in. If you have boys and they see dad treating you like this then they may well think its an acceptable way to treat women and it definitely is not. Get out now before the children lose out on the most precious thing their childhood. As long as the children are made fully aware of why you and dad are splitting up and are told numerous times it has nothing to do with them and that they can see dad whenever they wish they will grow up to respect you instead of hating you for inflicting such abuse upon them.
Be strong and think of the children.
2006-08-27 09:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by missree 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't.
I think it'd be healthier for the kids to grow up seeing their parents having a healthy relationship as JUST FRIENDS as opposed to seeing them having an unhealthy relationship as lovers or husband and wife.
Problems will only escalate if you shove them aside or ignore their existence- kids will pick up on the tension between the two of you as the years progress and they will suffer from it.
You can both be separate and raise healthy, well-grounded children- reassure them that the divorce does NOT mean that either of you love them any less and ensure that they view it as a positive thing, while remaining relatively close to your partner (not necessarily in a relationship as friends or partners, but in a way of mutual understanding and agreement to be able to raise the kids on the same parr).
I think that, given your husband's situation it would probably be healthier to get the kids out of that environment anyway-- don't stop trying to help him realise that he has a problem... maybe record him one night when he's at his worst and show him- he probably has no idea what he's doing and how it's affecting your home life.
I hope you sort things out.
2006-08-27 02:29:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to take into consideration that the kids will see his behavior and arguing... Your kids will have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like and a girl could grow up thinking she has to take that kind of crap from her men and a boy could grow up thinking that it's ok to drink all the time and treat his wife like dirt. If your husband clearly wont get help why subject your children to a house full of negativity.
2006-08-27 02:28:48 · answer #7 · answered by sarah_lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a dilemma. How much fighting is going on? How do the kids react to it? If you see them having a bad reaction, or if they ask about the fighting, then it is time to cut the ropes and get out of there.
How are you dealing with this? Are you going to be able to keep going this way? Would you be happier away from him? If you answer yes to this question you need to consider getting out. You will be surprised how pleasant life can be when there is no one picking a fight with you all the time. I actually enjoy coming home now that I am divorced. Before that I would work late every day to stay away from home.
2006-08-27 02:25:45 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How can your children be happy when there parents are not happy? You do not want your children to grow up in a household where drinking and abuse (mental,verbal etc) is ok. You dont want them to think my parents did it when i was younger so I can do it as well. Set a positive example for them. If you boyfriend/husband doesnt want to get help then you need to leave. He cant get help for you or for the children he needs to get help for himself. If you do decide to leave still offer that moral support for him because he will have a hard time getting and staying sober. Good luck
2006-08-27 02:29:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No i wouldn't stay together if he treats you really bad. Also you have children to think about and your right at saying that they cant grow up with a lot of arguing. Even if they don't understand now that its better if the two of you are not together they will understand as they get older . hope every thing works out ok.
2006-08-27 05:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by poppy! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋