why is my 4 year old doing this?

Question

before the school holidays when she was attending nursery she was as good as gold and would always do as she was told and she had a good appetite and would always eat her dinner but now the last 2 weeks she has been really naughty and when i put food in front of her she throws it on the floor and screams for chocolate, could it be that she is bored and misses her school friends? suggestions please i am at breaking point and close to tears most of the time.

(p.s) that is why my avatar has been crying recently for all of you that noticed. xxx

Answer 1

My three aged 10, 7 and 5 are all doing something similar
It is because of the disruption to their routine
Make rules and stick to them
Be patient
Keep temper
School starts a week on Tuesday, thank goodness!
Commiserations from a fellow sufferer

Answer 2

Well for one thing do not give into her demands. You are the parent and she is the child, you tell her what goes and what does not got. If she throws a tantrum just go ahead and let her, but do not above all compromise with her. For example " if you eat your dinner you'll get chocolate." Never do that because that is just reenforcing negative behavior with positive outcomes.
Does your daughter have activities at home, such as the ones in the nursery. Find activities that she can relate too, and give her "gold stars" when she does something right, such as they would in school. If possible schedule a play date keep her busy. But once again, remember that you are the adult and you have to keep her line, don't let her do what she wants, that will only have more negative outcomes.
I really hope this helps.

Answer 3

And think about it the other way, if you make yourself sad by being hard on your daughter today, when she improves tomorrow you will feel a hell of a lot better than you seem to have done for a while *hug*

Oh no, I lost the main part of what I said. I didn't realise you could only answer once! But if you missed it, the main gist was that you'll have to try a reward system, if she eats good food she can have a sweetie, otherwise she can go without. A four year old won't put up with hunger for very long at all. (I'm grown-up (so I'm told), and I won't put up with it for long...).

Answer 4

She is learning to control you.
Give in to chocolate and she will get worse and worse...

If she won't eat her dinner tell her fine.
Put her on a naughty step for five minutes and make her stay there and ignore her till quiet
Then go back and make her appologise to you for being naughty and ask again if she wants dinner. If no. Don't give her any and explain chocolate is for good behaviour as you determine.
She has to stay in the naughty area until she stops her tantrum in five minute intervals.

A few episodes of this and she will eat again because she won't have any other option. Then tell her how good she is and it is important she grows up well etc.

Answer 5

The next time she throws the food,just get her hand and with smile on your face tell her that now she has to clean it and ask her if she needs your help or not.If she refuses to clean(you will be angry),tell her "I feel angry.Before I do something I would be sorry for later,I go in my room to calm down".And then leave the kitchen with no more words.Go to your room and wait until your daughter's bedtime.If she says she is hungry,don't tell her you gave her dinner but she threw it.Tell her you sympathize her for the wrong choice she made when you gave her the dinner and asure her you believe she will make better choice the next time.And DON"T WORRY!She won't die of hunger for 1 night.You will show her you are serious.Then before she falls asleep talk to her.Tell her something like "Honey,I can see something bothers you.Would you like to tell me what's wrong?" or "What can I do to make you a bit more happy?",say it with smile.That's how it will be easy for her to talk.The next thing you say might be "I think I know what bothers you.Let me guess and if I'm wrong,you'll corect me,ok?".When she says OK,tell her "I think you really miss your friends from the nurcery.Am I right?".She will say(maybe not with words,with gestures) "yes" or "no".If she says "no",try another thing which may bother her.If she says "yes",tell her "Sweetheart,I know it must be really hard for you to be away from your friends.I also feel like this sometimes"...... That's how you will show respect to her feelings,sympathy and you will show her how to control her feeling(remember the dinner?).Then you can think about solving the problem,but try to make it WITH her,not INSTEAD of her.I hope I've been in help.If you need to ask something else about all this,you can always write me an e-mail - [e-mail] I'm a mother of 7 children and I have been through such situations many times.Don't worry - it all will be OK,just be yourself.Your child doesn't need a Super-mom,she needs you:)

Answer 6

It could be she is bored, but that does not excuse the behaviour.
What you didn't tell us is:
- is this something that has been happening more than once?
- what is/was your reaction; what did/do you do in response?

My reaction to things like this happening is:

- no big involvement in melodrama: "well, we'll see about chocolate after eating, but first you have to help me clean up."

- put the issue behind us: If there is cooperation cleaning up, then we can proceed to eating and then chocolate.

- decisive reaction to the situation without guilt: if there is no cooperation in the cleanup, then you cleanup AFTER you finish your meal and the child can miss that meal; she won't starve for lack of one meal. Just say, 'I said if we clean up and eat we could have . . .., but you decided not to, so now we'll see about it tomorrow (at supper, whatever)" and stick to it. go about your business and don't get sucked into the melodrama. This is where it gets hard because you don't want to deprive your kid, you want your kid to like you, you don't want to hear the fussing. Well, that's life - you either be clear and firm on this one (the kid will quickly catch on) or you give in and then you have to do this act over and over again.

- put things back in their place: after you've dealt with the situation and gotten things harmonious again, THEN talk to your daughter abour what might be bothering her. If you try to reason with her while you're trying to deal with the situation, it might turn more into a sparring match, don't go there. Besides, at four years old just dealing with the situation is enough, she shouldn't be expected to come up with intellectual arguments for her behaviour when she's dealing with a problem - she might be able to do that after.

I know it sounds real easy when it's written like this and it's real hard to actually do. Good luck and keep it up. It's difficult but it's worth it.
(BTW: I've been there: 3 kids, 2 grandchildren).

3 minutes ago

Answer 7

It could be she is bored, but that does not excuse the behaviour.
What you didn't tell us is:
- is this something that has been happening more than once?
- what is/was your reaction; what did/do you do in response?

My reaction to things like this happening is:

- no big involvement in melodrama: "well, we'll see about chocolate after eating, but first you have to help me clean up."

- put the issue behind us: If there is cooperation cleaning up, then we can proceed to eating and then chocolate.

- decisive reaction to the situation without guilt: if there is no cooperation in the cleanup, then you cleanup AFTER you finish your meal and the child can miss that meal; she won't starve for lack of one meal. Just say, 'I said if we clean up and eat we could have . . .., but you decided not to, so now we'll see about it tomorrow (at supper, whatever)" and stick to it. go about your business and don't get sucked into the melodrama. This is where it gets hard because you don't want to deprive your kid, you want your kid to like you, you don't want to hear the fussing. Well, that's life - you either be clear and firm on this one (the kid will quickly catch on) or you give in and then you have to do this act over and over again.

- put things back in their place: after you've dealt with the situation and gotten things harmonious again, THEN talk to your daughter abour what might be bothering her. If you try to reason with her while you're trying to deal with the situation, it might turn more into a sparring match, don't go there. Besides, at four years old just dealing with the situation is enough, she shouldn't be expected to come up with intellectual arguments for her behaviour when she's dealing with a problem - she might be able to do that after.

I know it sounds real easy when it's written like this and it's real hard to actually do. Good luck and keep it up. It's difficult but it's worth it.
(BTW: I've been there: 3 kids, 2 grandchildren).

Answer 8

she maybe missing her friends and bored. do you have any way of contacting her friends? maybe you could invite 1 or 2 over for tea and ask your daughter to help prepare the food. does your daughter eat alone at meal times? if so that could be a reason if she doesn't see you eat she probably things she doesn't need to. don't give into her screaming for chocolate use it as an award. ask her to help you this will make her feel grown up if she is helping mum with putting clothes in the washing machine, washing up (supervised) hoovering, etc. as at nursery they do various activities most of them adult led do painting, play games even make believe with her dolls coz if she is left to do things on her own she will get bored. keep smiling don't let her know you are sad children seem to react more to this.

Answer 9

As always people will say children go through this , but this is a tantrum and you must not let her get you down or give in, if she does not want to eat food don't give her chocolate for heavens sake. it will get worse and you will make her a horrid little child and a real pain when she becomes a teenager

No food =No chocolate

Take care and i am not going to wish you good luck as you do not need it

Answer 10

My 4 year old was the same, and we tried everything to get him to stop. All we could figure was that he was trying it on because we weren't his nursery carer. The best way we found to get through it was if he left his dinner he wasn't allowed anything else, and putting up with the tantrums. It was hard as we didn't like seeing him cry but eventually he realised he wasn't going to win, and started eating properly. We rewarded him with pudding of his choice when he ate all his dinner, just make sure you control the portions!!