i was married for 8 1/2 years and cheated on- I divorced and moved on. The girl I'm dating, her last boyfriend lied and cheated on her- even planned a wedding with another girl. I have trust issues, but her trust issues top the cake. I'm totally in love with her and want to know how to build her trust. We have been dating almost 4 months and see each other everyday. I can easily see myself with her for the rest of our lives.- But lately her trust issues are coming out -with false accusations of cheating and lying. Its a constant interogation. I'm totally against cheating, exspecially after my last relationship - How can I prove this or gain trust with her? What can I say? I've never lied or cheated on her - and never plan to.
2006-08-26 22:42:46 · 6 answers · asked by dsolsi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Although it may drive you crazy and make you totally fustrated, you have to be patient with her and answer all her accusations calmly, without being offended, and openly and over time she will see that you are faithful and will hopefully overcome her trust issues.
Good luck.
2006-08-26 23:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think the both of you need to give yourselves some private time to really evaluate the relationship. If the trust is not there then the relationship is headed straight to Hell. There will be no fun...only heartbreak. Is this what you want. You can describe your feelings and honor and intent...she may not be emotionally stable at this point to give you justice.
You must back off and dig deep and analyze what you're up against. You yourself are probably not ready for a serious affair yourself...especially an emotional one.
If you just have to be together in spite of the pitfalls and hazards then back up. start over and be friends. No kissing, no loving and no sex. Just be friends and show each other how great a friend you can be. From this maybe real trust and appreciation for each other can develop... or you might find that friends is the best choice for the two of you.
2006-08-26 22:57:47 · answer #2 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your relationship is going through a period of change. She wants to get closer, but is full of fear that you will "repeat history" on her, without realising that her behaviour may drive her into doing exactly that by driving you (eventually) away.
Arrange an event where you go out as a group of friends, including her best friend. Let them observe how you are with her, how devoted you are to her. Let her friends comments and reassurance do the rest. This will also give you a little space in your relationship, part of the elastic that lets you draw apart before you pull back together again.
I know my best friends would be as straight with me as I am with them as to whether someone is honest and "a keeper" - which you certainly seem to be. Good luck!
2006-08-26 22:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by sweeteglantine02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her how yu feel about cheating. Tell her that even though she was cheated on before that you dont intend to do so. Tell her you love her and you'll never cheat on her. Tell her that you need her to trust you. Reassure her of how much you love her. She needs security and comfort. Be tactful and understanding. If you really love her then find some way to convince her that you'll never cheat on her. You need to have a long talk with her about this.
Good luck!
2006-08-26 22:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by T-Jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, ur situation sounds a bit like mine, for starters, i met this guy a few mts ago thru a friend of mine-and we just talked on forever, online/on the phone and i just assumed that we would never meet up coz he was in TN, while i was in NY-worlds slightly apart, cultures definitely apart...and then he didn't seem like he was into me-so i figured i'd be a friend and that was cool-so during the 5 mts, i kept observing him women hop or what seemed like it, coz that's pretty much the impression he gave me-and everytime we talked about meeting up in person, either he was wrapped up in work or i was-till a few short weeks ago, he made some comments on how he was fed up of being wrung by women, throwing money and time on them, and then them giving him the cold shoulder-i found it believable coz after all, we were on that friend territory-so he comes up to see me a few days ago-and we really hit it off big time, i mean it was like we knew each other so well, and we're just so comfortable around each other that i didn't feel threatened, weirded out-and i haven't felt this way in yrs! so he pops up the notion of us being a couple and we are BUT i am scared too, coz he was married once a long time ago, his ex cheated on him- and i have caught that slight insecurity on his part prior to us getting in the dating aspect-i've been respectful to him to avoid any upcoming crises on his part that he should feel like i am being unfaithful...coz i have a lot of men friends-mostly married-so he has nothing to fear-me on the other hand, i am scared that he will ditch me, coz that's what i am used to in the past-and hence, i have always been the one calling the shots as far as getting together and breaking up in the past-here i have a man who actually pursued me for a change and it has scared me to bits! he's also talking serious long term goals...i think the only thing i can do and advise you to do the same is to keep the door to communication open-be open, be honest, be clear in what you are asking or what you are hearing from your gf-we are not mindreaders, that's what i told my man-and if we assume things, that isn't going to resolve anything-if anything, it'll be setting up more room for disappointment-gosh, dating is really tough isn't it? good luck to you! i know only one single truth about certain things in life when it comes to time: it reveals all sorts of things-and it heals past sorrows too...we can promise all we want, but when a situation arises, then we are truly put to the test...
2006-09-01 11:42:20 · answer #5 · answered by ria k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should know better. 4 months is nowhere near enough to gauge quality... Continue to be faithful to her if you like/love her and the relationship will blossom into its full potential. Only time can develop this.
2006-08-26 22:45:01 · answer #6 · answered by James S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋