Do you think im bad to even think this way ?

Question

I feel that i should just disappear slowly when i get a new place to rent which will be in 6 years time.. i dont think i can ever live with my parents again ni dont care what other people mite talk about me .. since people dont understand what im actually going through.. you can view my Q&A realting to my family problems
recently i been avoiding them like going back late from work and still my dad thinks worst of me ..
some of the things i thgt of doing in 6 years.

Saving money to rent an apartment
i wish i could stay overseas but there not enuff funds on my side..
i rather be single , Should i get married, i dont feel like introducing him to them.
I cant believe that i feel that i will not even introduce my children to them.
is it bad for me to severly cut my ties from them? and i mean no contacts with anyone of them not even my aunt/uncles etc.
literrally try to erase myself from them. haha i even wish i can fake my own death. change name etc?
what do you think?? any tghtful answers are greatly appreciated.

Nope i am already 25 yrs. the thing is that in my culture a girl who is not married are not allowed to live on their own.. some sort of a taboo but some do... So by the time 6 years.. i will have enuff funds to actually say goodbye.. haha

Nicky: I;m not from UK either.

Answer 1

Sounds entirely reasonable to feel like that.
Time will let you get perspective on this.
You may feel the same, change your mind or just come to terms with things and how they affect you.
I read your additional comments but I don't see why you should have to wait 6 years, you will go nuts long before then. 6 days, more like it.
Read the Tracy Chapman lyrics to "If not now" (or buy the album "Tracy Chapman" - it's very affirming):

If not now, then when
If not today, then
Why make your promises
A love declared for days to come
Is as good as none

You can wait 'til morning comes
You can wait for the new day
You can wait and lose this heart
You can wait and soon be sorry

Now love's the only thing that's free
We must take it where it's found
Pretty soon it may be costly

If not now, what then
We all must live our lives
Always feeling
Always thinking
The moment has arrived

Your question and description "Why does everyone hates me?" lists your most important issues. Also that your handle is Depressed. And you talk about your weght and self-image a lot. If your dad behaves like you describe, it would get anyone down, so your decision is simply taking care of yourself and getting out of the situation. You can only change people and situations so much, you can state your needs and expectations, but if it's a bad situation, often you may have to leave.

Robin Quiver's autobiography "Quivers" talks about this a lot, you might find her story interesting.
Try reading also about codependent families.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Here is the situation as i see it.
you say you have about 6 more years to go before you get a place to rent. Yet you are obviously unhappy with your parents. Here's something for you to consider... In your culture, is it frowned upon for you to just move out and live with a friend? If so, it seems you just have to be patient and move on when the time comes.
NO, I do NOT recommend you to marry just to get away from your family. such a scenario only leads to more unhappiness for you in the long run.
To answer your question...
Do I think you are bad to even think this way?
No, I don't think you are bad.

Answer 3

sorry to hear you are unhappy. things will get better. I had a rough time when i was younger. i put it down to losing my mum when i was 12. Ive had depression since 18 (that's 16 years now) I've felt suicidal lots of times and tried to do it on a few occasions.
It may be rough now but it will get better. I'm getting married next year. i have my own little place. a job that i enjoy (at the moment).

I think the next thing you need is to move out so you can have your Independence and do what you like when you like and not have to answer to anyone. you feel trapped at the moment and its slowly eating away at you. You have to hang on in there, it will be worth it. speak to you doctor about it. it may help if you went on some tablets. not a major thing. truth is a third of the UK suffer from depression. Ive been on medication for most of my 16 years of depression.

I hope things work out in the end, they normally do. things will improve with time.

Answer 4

I don't think you are bad to think that way, but I think you probably need to address the underlying causes.
Something must have happened in the past to make you think that way, and there will always be an element until you deal with it.
I'd also add that many of us (i.e. in the world in general, not necessarily just people reading this question) have been depressed at some stage of their life for one reason or another. It is at those points that it is hardest to make a conscious decision that is not overly influenced by our feelings (which may not necessarily be the right one). My dad told me some years ago that I "should never make a decsion at the height of emotion" (e.g. either v. happy or v. sad). I didn't think much of it at the time, but over the time since then, I realise how right he is.

Answer 5

You don't say where you live. You should be allowed to move out if you like. Could you not find a job abroad? If possible one where you live in to save money. You are 25, and should be having the time of your life! Have a look at house shares for starters. If your culture is really making it that bad, phone the appropriate helpline, it's what they are there for.

Good luck! x

Answer 6

Its a pity to have such parents but what i can suggest for u now is do u know that there is forgiveness ?and i know its difficult for u but the best is to live very far from them and if its possible just tell them becoz that u are leaving them and start ur own life and a bit of peace iam sure they will miss u and they will see their mistake.Remember in life there is a time u will need them becoz if they didnt want u maybe they should have killed u long back.

Answer 7

You do what you think is best for you. One day they may realise an wake up to themselves you are your own person its only in your country that you have to abide by your culture. Move start a new life. Y wait 6 years thats a long time do it now if you have enough money. Your dad should love an respect you no matter what, your his daughter. Be strong you have the right to have a happy life and you should be respected.

Answer 8

you can jsut not get your life involved in your life, when my aunt died i could not bring myself to try be a part of my family again. it was too hard and i got angry with them andfelt ashamed from time to time. i think if i was strong enough which i have come to be i would start living the life i found to be happy with and you cna be from a culture but still be a unique person, you culture does not have to lead your way of life. or else how are you going to be happy, many people can be born into a way of life for a certain peoples but its what's in your heart that should lead your life,

or else how would the world be if everything was run by people who believed in something that destoyed freedom and right to make you own choice what you be able to make

in other words if you had no choice to live you life the way you wanted to would you really pass up the chance to make your choice?

Answer 9

Hey Depressed,

I feel the same way too (No...I'm not pulling your leg)...sometimes I just wish I can get away from it all and break all contacts and just wish i can fly to a place where nobody knows me and start life new....I'm constantly under the torment of my parents, planning out my life for their own benefit. I'm sick of wearing a "mask" infront of people.

But fortunately, i have a group of friends that will stand by me and listen to my sorrows. I try to meet them at least once a week to share our sorrows.

However, thought is still thought...remember never put to action any thoughts, that you might regrett is the future. Find someone to talk to.

Cheers!

Answer 10

Get out..... If you can explain the situation in a letter or something explain how you feel then cut all ties...... When you are ready contact them by phone if they are still being idiots then you know you have made the right move... Be strong at the end of the day it's your life not theirs. Do what you think is right.