im bored need help asap (as soon as possible)
2006-08-26 21:56:59 · 19 answers · asked by Winner! 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
'What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?'
'Homeless!'.
2006-08-27 10:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by East Bay Punk 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
2006-09-03 13:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by beautiful 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would
make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.
And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,
the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,
"No, you don't say that here!!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..
2006-09-02 09:36:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
actual doctors reports in an hospital...
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with B
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she
got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2006-08-26 21:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by wad 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two nuns sitting quietly in a railway carriage when a young teenage couple get in and sit right opposite the nuns.
After swigging a few cans of beer each, belching, farting and groping each other, the young couple strip off and commit fellatio and fornication right in front of the nuns. They then collapse in a heap, pull their pants back on and both light up fags.
At this point, one of the nuns leans across and says ....."Excuse me young man ... do you realise this is a non-smoking compartment???"
2006-08-26 23:37:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/
Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..
2006-09-02 03:35:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I needed to have a tooth pulled but I really exasperated my dentist. I'm terrified of needles and gas makes me hallucinate for days.
Throwing up his hands, he stalked out of the room. All was quiet for a few minutes. But then I heard him consult with his nurse.
He returned with a pill and drew me a glass of water.
As I was about to protest he glanced at his watch and cut me off.
"Don't worry," he said, "It's not an anesthetic, it's Viagra."
"Will that dull the pain?" I asked cautiously.
"Nope! he grinned, "It'll just give you something to squeeze while I pull your tooth!"
2006-09-02 18:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by elge13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
here's one 4 u.....
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them. The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!
haha.... i like this joke
2006-08-26 22:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by time-OUT 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
2006-09-01 16:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by David O-man 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
two friends were at a party.One asked do u have like any like makeup??. The other one answers like no im to pretty to carry makeup un like u
2006-09-03 14:36:55 · answer #10 · answered by freako 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend is not Mormon and lived in Utah at the time this happened.
My friend and his ex were having relationship problems. My friend told her one day that he wanted to break up. She went into tears and then got angry and said "If you break up with me, I'll tell the missionaries were you live!"
That would convince me!
2006-08-26 22:05:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋