10 points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

tellme a really funny joke may the funniest joke win!!!! make me laugh !!!!

Answer 1

Your momma's teeth are so yellow, she got a job at the movie theatre spitting on popcorn!

Answer 2

9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?

Answer 3

Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.

Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Answer 4

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would

make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.

And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,

the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,

"No, you don't say that here!!"


The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..

3

Answer 5

A wise person found the answer to the most difficult question on earth:- What comes first, egg or chicken?
Answer- Whatever you order first will come first!!!!

ENTERING HEAVEN
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Then it's the minister's turn. He stands up tall and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's Church, for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man before me was a taxi-driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.
Why, How can this be?"

Saint Peter, looks to the preacher and says,

"Up here, we work by results,"

"While you preached, people slept. While Jack drove, people prayed."

Answer 6

All these Jokes are great apart from the ones from <3 Cinderella <3 Who has stolen these from www.funnyjunk.com. Whatever you do, don't give her the points, because the jokes are most certainly not her own!!

xxx

The one from Buggynbooboo is ALSO from www.funnyjunk.com, It's a flash video entitled "The F word" Check it out if you don't believe me!!

xxx

Answer 7

A man by the name of Albert went to the cinema. He proceeded to the counter and asked for tickets to watch the movie 'Superman returns'. After receiving his tickets, he walked to the theater 2. A minute later, he went back to the counter and asked for another 'superman returns' ticket. He repeated the same thing over and over again. The lady at the counter asked Albert why he kept repeating the same action. Albert replied, "because that wicked lady over there tore my ticket into half just before I entered the theater."

Answer 8

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word *****. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter 'f' ...***** is the only word refered to as 'the F word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. *****, as most words in the english language is derived from german ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.
In english, ***** falls into many grammatical categories:

As a transitive verb for intance ...John fu.cked Shirley.
As an intransitive verb...Shirley fu.cks.

Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as...

An adjective such as ...John's doing all the ******** work.
As part of an adverb ...Shirley talks too ******** much.
As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Shirley is ******** beautiful.
As a noun ...I don't give a *****.
As part of a word ...absofu.ckinglutely -or- infu.ckingcredible.
And as almost every word in a sentence ...***** the ******** fu.ckers.

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of *****...such as these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud ...I got fu.cked at the used car lot.
Dismay ...ahhh ***** it.
Trouble ...I guess I'm really fu.cked now.
Agression ...Don't ***** with me buddy.
Difficulty ...I don't understand this ******** question.
Inquiry ...Who the ***** was that?
Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the ***** is going on here.
Incompetance ...He's a *****-off.
Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go ***** yourself...

I'm sure you can think of many more examples.
With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
It will identify the quality of your character immediately.
Say it loudly and proudly...
...***** YOU!

LMAO...this is so ******** funny!


LOL...hahaha, here's more;

1. I like to *****.
2. that was a good *****.
3. he is fu.cked.
4. ***** you.
5. i don't give a *****.
6. ***** that.
7. he fu.cked up the car really badly.
8. oh, *****!
9. ***** off.
10. what the *****?
11. that was ******** amazing.
12. he's a fu.cker.
13. are you trying to ***** with me?
14. I'm fu.cked.
Big Johnny never gets to *****.

Every now and then you need a good *****.

Unfortunately we are all surrounded by stupid fu.cks in SUVs.

Wow I'm fu.cked.

Wanna ***** with that dudes pitbull.

Way to ***** up douche bag.

Hold on for one second while I shut up that ***** off.

***** off scum bag!

Awww *****, you didn't.

***** you, wanker.

When i get out of this ditch im ganna ******** rip your head off and feed it to my goat.

You little fu.cker get out of my house.

Escuse me Tart, I think you know nothing of ***** holes.

What the ***** was that sh.it about.

Answer 9

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Answer 10

This is funny joke all u have 2 do is get someone to say: I'm sofa king retarted. U have to get them to say it fast it's so funny.

Answer 11

What cuss words really mean..........

The mom calls the husband a "bas-tard"

and then the dad calls the wife a "beotch"

and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a beotch and a bast-ard?"

and the mom says "well, a beotch is a lady and a bas-tard is a gentlemen"




and then later billy goes outside and hears his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"


So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina?"



His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat"

and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "Shi-t"


and billy said "Dad, whats sh-it"

And then his dad says
"Well billy, Shi-t is a type of Shaving cream "


and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "fuock!"


and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuock?"

"Well billy fuock is a way cutting the turkey"


and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says


"Hello beoitches and bas-tards, may i take your penis's and vaginas,
my dad's upstairs wiping sh-it off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen foicking the Turkey"