Fighting the enduring long lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse; I need help fighting flashbacks please?

Question

I don't mean to be a whining cry baby, all self-absorbed and stuff, but I really want to get better! I am haunted by recurring horror slideshow images of what happened to me when I was little. And also images of death. I know I can help myself by controlling my thoughts, it is just that it is SO hard because it is a CONSTANT battle and really I get sososo t i r e d of it. I can't function. All I feel comfortable doing is being a recluse. I hide from life. I am afraid of initmacy. I have been hurt so often so many times, I cannot let anyone get close to me. I am scared to death they will hurt me too! I long for that which I cannot allow. I long for love and human relationship, but I don't think my heart can bear another upset..I'm so tired. I still want help though I haven't given up!

The danger on the rocks has surely past yet I remain tied to the mast!
Send me your best thoughts and advice as it is desperately being sought by a cool soul that is down on her luck. thanks

Answer 1

In your past others abused you, now the only one abusing you is you. You are the one who is subjecting yourself to recurring, unending torture. There are probably reasons you are doing this that are related to what happened to you (you weren't specific, indeed this is NOT an appropriate forum to be specific, so it's really hard to go into much detail about how to resolve it). One thing I can tell you is that you need to draw some lines. You need to practice having contact with people but keeping it strictly business. Then you need to work on being affectionate - but NOT intimate. Then, when you are ready, you need to find a good person and start exploring intimacy (and NO I don't mean jump into bed with them & start having any kind of sex - intimacy starts way before that) without "going all the way". Can you allow someone to be close to you, but not touch, or to touch under appropriate circumstances like when skating together, dancing, etc? Can you hug someone? You know, if you jump into things without proper care you WILL be upset as it will turn out badly. The road to intimacy, if travelled properly, takes time & effort. YOU SAID YOURSELF that the danger on the rocks has surely past (passed) yet I (you) remain tied to the mast. That tells me you know the coast is clear yet you choose to keep yourself tied up by this. LET GO. LIVE. I suspect the reason you keep being hurt is that you keep seeking the wrong type, possibly because your past experiences left you feeling you don't deserve someone better. IT is also possible that, depending on the timing, nature and duration of the abuse you've come to "need" the wrong sort of attention in order to be happy, as odd as that sounds. It has to do with acceptable discomfort and resistance to change, among other things. People who are bad choices often are "more exciting" but also sure to disappoint in the end. Maybe you need to find a nice, relatively boring person who will do right by you. Find someone like me who will help you find your way back to a normal life gradually - and that does not mean this person will be the right one to take you the whole way. Accept that some relationships were NOT meant to be yet the only way to find out is to try them out. BUT KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE AND DRAW IT EARLY AND CLEARLY. For some the road to happiness is often paved with dispair, unfortunately, and so if you can't accept that and can't start taking more control of and responsibility for your life, you'll have to get used to being a recluse I guess.

Answer 2

I totally understand what you're going through. Maybe you should get some counselling. Flashbacks are hard to deal with on your own. I know how it feels to be tired of constantly fighting. To be scared of being hurt again. If I knew how to control my own fears I would give you some tips on how to control yours. One thing I have reallyy found helpful is finding a therapist who you can trust, yeah it's hard and you have to work on building that trust but it can be so helpful just to be able to talk to someone about it. Also they may be able to give you some pointers on coping with the flashbacks.
It's not whiny or anything to want to get better. Everyone deserves to feel okay. Those who have been hurt like you have deserve it even more than anyone else. There is hope for you, just stay strong. There are better days ahead.

Answer 3

first you have to stop being the victim (which you in fact are) and declare yourself a SURVIVOR! 2nd, you have to TRY and remember it is in the past. no it is not easy. it took me many many years to be able to get close to anyone. I went to group therapy for 2 years. it really helps. you are NOT alone. see if you can find a support group, even online, or in your community mental health department. it is hard, but there is a light at the end of that tunnel, and right now i'm betting you can't even see the tunnel. isolating yourself is not good. it only gives you more time to re=hash the past. remember, it was not your fault, and you deserve to experience love and closeness with others. it will be difficult, but take it slow. try not to pre=judge others, just take it one day at a time. i will pray for your strength to face the road ahead. just know that you will make thru, and you will find love. then when the flashbacks hit (and they will) they won't hurt like they do now and you can look at them for what they are...just an episode in the past like falling off your bike and scraping your knee. when they say time heals all wounds, they left out the part about the determination and hard work it takes, but it is worth every ounce. remember, you are a SURVIVOR and you will move on.

Answer 4

Something similiar happened to me when I was highschool. I was in highschool , but was young for my age.

I was at the university library,in the stacks, the older portion of the library where nobody goes except those in pursuit of very old, musty books. A man walked up to me and asked if I would help him find a book. I said sure and located it on the bottom shelf.

"Could you get it for me, I have a hurt back."

I remember bending downto reach the book, and feeling hands dragging me to my knees. The guy whipped out his manroot, and rubbed it against my lips.

I remember being very terrified, uttered a disgusted UGGGGG
and I got away!!!! I flew out of there, went straight home, and for years and years I never told a living soul.

I know how you feel. Everytime I went back to the stacks I would start at the least sound. If a guy looked at me in a certain way, I would want to run, run, and run.

Somehow, that experience left me with the feeling that a man's manroot was huge, and green, with growths and liquid, covering it.

When the first guy I was intimate with, (I too did not want to get intimate with a guy because that would mean I would have to see his manroot, but, lust for the right guy has a way of getting in the way of things and thoughts). err, disrobed in front of me for the first time, I stared in amazement at his manroot."It is not green, and has no growths,nor oozing liquid" said I

He laughed at first, and then asked me what I was talking about.....I had to tell him. He stopped laughing then, and got out some hoochy Koochy magazines, and showed me lots of pics of naked guys. He then allowed me to just feel the manroot and showed me it was not dangerous.

I was fine after that. I even told my parents what had happened 15 years after the fact. Mom was great and told me my "ugggg" probably demoralized that poor molester...some times jokes are wonderful tension relievers.

My advice to you is not to hold it inside, but to get some help. I was just plain lucky that my first boyfriend was such a wonderful understanding guy.

When you are ready to heal you will. But until then, go get the help you so desperately need, eat right, exercise, and live life one day at a time. You never know...one day you too might get carried away by a fit of lust and all your barriers will come crumbling down.

Writing about your problems here is a wonderful first step....I don't know you, but I am proud of you :)

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs....and the human heart will surprise with the things it can handle.Winners are losers who try just one more time :)

Answer 5

Being a victim and a survivor of this same vile act i can empthasie with you in regards to the flash backs. I had vivid nightmares for years and they were always the same....Finally after years and years of thiese recurring nightmares the pieces of supressed memories all started to unravel. The trigger was viewing family albums...with MY MOM. I pointed out to her houses of when I was 2 and 3 yrs old and told her horrifying stories that had happened in those homes. My cousin was the perpretator when my mother would leave him to baby sit me. He was 15 or 16 and I was only 2 or 3.

Needless to say I confronted this SOB when I was 40...the nightmares didn't stop....but they were less frequent.

Nightmares ceased 3 yrs ago...when he was kiled in a tragic auto accident. I celebrated freedom for the 1st time free of nightmares!!

Answer 6

Have you tried knitting? I can direct my thoughts more easily while knitting, for some reason. It is just enough activity and is repetitive and regular enough to give me effective control over my thoughts.

Try learning to knit, and make a few scarves and hats. See if it helps. If it does, go into bigger projects like sweaters and small, complicated ones like socks. You may be better able to direct your thoughts and keep away negative or disturbing images if you are visualizing your stitches, your next shaping, or even the finished item. There is music to knit by, DVD's with knitting techniques, therapy knitting, the tao of knitting, chiropractic knitting, etc.

Answer 7

I too suffer from these type flashbacks, they seem so real sometimes that I cry out loud for God to help me clear my head. I've suffered for the past 27 years, my stepdad molested from the time I was 7 to age 11 and then my mom left him, but not because he molested me, I never told her until I was 13 and she did not believe me. I went on with my life, school , counseling every now and then, I got into drugs and then found happiness and became a mom of 3 kids. I had put the past behind me and was doing o.k. then my mom decided she wanted my ex stepdad back in her life about 3 years ago. I can't beleive she brought him back into my life after what he did, that just confirmed that my own mom never did beleive me and chose him over me. He sees me and knows what he did, everyone in my family knows what he did, but he doesn't know that over all these years I told them, they do beleive me,even his own daughter, my half sister. My horrid memories overwhelm me and cause me severe anxiety when I have to be around him. I have mixed feelings about my mom, but I deal with her because evidentally she is as mentally sick as he is. When it comes time for me to tend to my mom on her death bed, I will do it, but will not give my life for her, she didn't for me and looks like she never will. Cry it all out and be the bigger person, you are safe now as an adult and you will never let anyone hurt you again.

Answer 8

You just need to try and move on from the past it is normal to have flashbacks every now and then if it happends again you should try get a bit of help for you to get over it "be strong"

Answer 9

It sounds like you may be dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and a touch of anxiety and depression. I know from experience that this is a difficult situation and even harder to explain to someone who doesn't have your same point of reference. Try journaling, prayer and professional help from a counselor, minister, or psychiatrist. take one step at a time and know that you will make it through this trial. Keep your head up and be encouraged.

Answer 10

Go to the bookstore and get this book, "Why can't I get over it? A Handbook for Trauma Survivors." It is excellent.

You have a chronic condition and you need to learn how to manage your situation. You can alleviate your symptoms with different types of treatment. Get the book! It helped me!