how do you know when your to hard on your 13 year old daughter?

Question

my daughter is 13 shes a good kid loves school dont get into boys yet. usally will do what i ask her all but one thing and we gret into it bad over her bedroom its always a mess. we are so much alike and clash quite abit but have a good relationship now but i,m scared i,m going to push her away please help shes my life

Answer 1

try to be friendly with her rather than being a 'parent'.. you can get things done be being friendly... kids that age are rebellious due to hormonal hyperactivity that is normal in any kid attaining teenage. so dont you worry about it. dont boss around and at the same time.. be a responsible parent in knowing her whereabouts and what she is doing. this is a crucial time for her.. till she's like 17 or 18 when her hormones sober up (to the normal i mean)
good luck.

Answer 2

Oh my God woman, wat is ur problem? It's a 13 year old's room 4 God's sake! What did u expect? I mean come on, if she cleans it up, it's just gonna get dirty again! Don't loose her over a dirty room! I mean, if she's great and does everything else dat u say, she might just have a lot on her mind perhaps! I mean, I'm 15, and MY room is messy! I know it's not healthy, but it's not stinky! We teenagers like our rooms dat way, cos it's kinda easier to figure out where things are! When we feel ashamed cos of wat other ppl will say about our rooms we'll clean 'em up! She probably just needs to breath, and since this is a first time, then she must be going through a phase! Try talking 2 her calmly, since u guys are close, she might open up 2 u! U r a mother, and I tell u this, ur children will remember every single thing dat u do or say to them, no matter how small it is! GIVE HER A BREAK! AND URSELF TO! U NEED IT, I CAN TELL! AND NEVER EVER 4GET TO TELL HER THAT U LOVE HER AS LONG AS U ARE ALIVE! IT HELPS HER THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE CAN DO TO SHOW HER LOVE 4 U ALSO! I WISH U LUCK!

Answer 3

If she isn't cleaning her room here's a trick i use...Get a large green trash bag or two and just start casually putting things in there...Tell her if she sees you doing this that you thought she didn't want the stuff anymore so you thought you would help by getting rid of it...If shes not there then leave the bags where she can see them, as if you were going to take them out to the trash LOL It normally works, sometimes it takes loading the bags a few time for them to get the message LOL
But your not being hard on her if that's all she has to do she lucky, heck make her wash the dishes, clean the bathroom or something...She needs to learn now that she has responsibilities and her room is her responsibility...Don't let up, if you say something stick to it mama, you must put your foot down....
Oh and just to let you know my mother and i clashed big time when i was a kid and we today are the bestest of friends today....

Answer 4

Now is the age that parents and kids don't usually get along. That's normal. As for a messy room, you have to allow her her own space. If you absolutely require it to be clean, just make a rule that she has to have it cleaned every Saturday before she's allowed to do any additional activities for the weekend. Then let her have it messy the rest of the week. My suggestion also is to not be scared about pushing her away. As kids go through adolescence, you have to show her strength and a commitment to the rules and expectations you have of her. You're not her friend, you're her parent.

Answer 5

awwwww you are so adorable, and no i dont think you are being too hard on your daughther, she's 13yrs old so she should learn early, really earlier than that, that its not lady-like to be messy.Maybe its the way you approach the situation, try not to scream at her or bother her about it so much and eventually she'll get over the messy thing.But dont be so hard on yourself either, i dont even know you but from what you wrote about her being a good kid and she's not giving you any problems with boys, it sounds like you're a very good parent and you should be proud of her because believe me, things could be a much worse. just thank god that you dont have a teenager who's into drugs, sex and lord knows what else, and keep raising her right, you've done an excellent job so far.

Answer 6

First, you must understand something and it is the most important thing for you to know as the mother of a teenage daughter! You are not her friend! If you do not know one other thing, remember this one because if you care about whether she likes you or not you will be living in a horror movie for about four years!

You can be her friend when she is a Mom herself. Now, you must be her "keeper". Prepare yourself for "I hate you" coming out of her black lipsticked mouth, hate spewing forth from a purple haired, blue eyeshadowed, miniskirted monster who actually did come from your womb, whether you recognize her or not. Prepare for manipulations that make Osama Bin Laden seem simple minded!

Prepare for tears, hearing about how cool some other kid's Mom is and tell her that love isn't about being cool, it is about raising a safe, healthy, intelligent woman out of her and no matter how she feels now, one day she will understand.

No piercings, no tatoos no tube top miniskirt ensemble. Let her have some space. But allow something else that you can live with so that she can express herself through her "look".

For example, let her paint and decorate her room however she wants to (without anything you don't approve of, i.e, posters that glorify sex and drugs) but let her pick a gawd awful color for the paint and tell her she can feel free to write on the walls in her own room. She may want to keep it clean because it is truly her space. I doubt it. Why does it have to be clean? By that, I don't mean she gets to grow fungus in there, but as far as the messy stuff, as long as she makes a path to the door so she can get out during a fire or earthquake. what difference does it really make? Compromise where you can, be strict when you must and always remember not to sweat the small stuff!

I promise you, this alien, angry, lunatic will come out of the nightmare and be the lovely and loving young lady you want her to be. I know! I have two wonderful friends and they are my adult daughters. It is worth the fight! Good Luck!

Answer 7

Here's my POV, for what it's worth: Leave her room alone. Leave her alone about it. My mom was constantly badgering me about my room, we fought like cats and dogs over it, and I never did clean it willingly. Then she'd go in and clean it, and that was good for at least a week of screaming fights. My dad finally told mom to just lay off, because it wasn't worth the constant fighting. She did, and within a month I had cleaned my room, and I kept it clean, as long as she didn't say anything about it. There are a lot worse things she could be doing than being a little messy, be thankful, and let her be a slob in her own space to her heart's content.

Answer 8

I'd say let it go. You've won as much as you're going to. If she's such a good girl like you say she is cut her alittle slack once in a while. Soon as boys get into the picture that's gonna be a whole new round of fights. Basically pick your battles wisely. You're gonna lose a few and a lot of the victories will be pyrrhic. I'm not saying spoil her but loosen up the reins a little.

Answer 9

Do you remember being 13?? There are a lot of changes and hormones going through a pre adolescent. Help her, show her how pretty her room could be, and encourage her. Reward her even. Kids will always need their parents, stand by her no matter what the situation becomes.

Answer 10

I think you should pick your battles more wisely. You say you daughter is overall a good kid so why make such a fuss over a messy bedroom. If the bedroom's cleanliness matters so much to you I think you should clean it for her and tell her that if she maintains it clean you will reward her with something like an .....outing to the movies, pizza, or maybe a sleep over with her friends.

Answer 11

this was just like me at that age with my mom...now i have a house and get really upset when i can't keep it clean.

truth is i remember feeling like it wasn't about my room being clean...it was my mom who had the agenda of wanting things clean and all i wanted in the entire world at that age was a taste of independence and a chance to have a space of my own to do with what i wanted. i am a mom now and i get the frusteration of it...but i think at 13 the best thing you could do as a mom is to shut her door and let her room be hers....with the understanding that if you have people coming over she agrees to clean up...

that way you get a little, she gives a little, you give a little, she gets a little.

(the next five years are going to fly by.....choose your battles!)