Herpes...Please reade before you judge...I was faithful?

Question

I am 34 and have had 5 different sexual partners total. My ex-wife cheated multiple times and gave me a present...herpes. Before you judge me..I am not a wimpy push over (although I was for years). I wanted to be a big part of raising my kids (2 really cool boys ages 4 and 6) into what I consider to be very important development years. I am finishing up my divorce this month and am wondering what the future has to offer. From what the ex told me she needed more excitement and money to keep her happy. I have my college degree and make a better than average wage. I prefer family life with the occassional "party night". ok ok enough with the editorial...How do I put myself back out there. I feel like damaged goods. I really am a good guy. Loyal and honest. This whole concept of being on my own has me completely scared. Any advice. Will I be single forever. I am somewhat shy, especially with my personal life. Any advise appreciated....

Answer 1

You will have to be honest with anyone you meet, but there is a time to be honest. Take it nice and slow with someone you've met, and work it into the conversation when you feel the time is right. Have all of the stats handy, because there are bound to be questions. Let them know how difficult it is to catch if treated properly, and so on and so forth.

Also, maybe you could consider seeing if there are any type of support groups in the area. I know in my town there are, and where better to meet a nice woman? It's all out in the open, and she already has it anyway. Good luck with this, I know it's difficult. There are people out there who understand, and many more who are willing to try and understand. I hope you find them.

Answer 2

Being single is never easy. But to be in a successful, happy relationship, u need to know who you are and be comfortable with that person before u involve anyone else. Join a gym. Get some self confidence in yourself, then start looking around. Interested women are everywhere....all it takes is a smile and a confident attitude (not cocky) and women will fall all over u. Talk to a Dr about the herpes thing. Look for a treatment that will impede the transmission to a partner. And always be honest...BEFORE u have sex (but not necessarily as soon as u meet them) :) Good Luck out there. It isn't as scary as it looks :)

Answer 3

Hey, you sound like a wonderful guy! Good father, you got a good career, you did your part in the marriage. It's time to move on and I think you'll do just fine!!! Millions of people have the herpes virus and live normal lives!! You may feel like "damaged goods", but it's your "loyalty" and "honesty" that makes you a person! I know it may seem scary to get out into the single scene again, but someone will see you for who you are, and you won't be single for long. Just make sure you know all about the medication you're taking for herpes, the In's and outs of when you're most likely to spread. Let your future lovers know about your condition. I'm sure once you explain to them what kind of wife you had, they will feel so sorry for you, they won't care what you have!!! lol But seriously, don't worry. I hope this helped. Good luck to you!!

Answer 4

You won't be single forever. You aren't damaged goods, either. Just get back out on the dating scene when you are ready. You need to talk to your doctor and get on some meds for the herpes and also get the specifics about how it is spread, etc.
You also need to make sure that you protect future partners by staying protected and especially if it's serious - telling them about your std. When you fall in love again, you having herpes isn't going to be a deal breaker. It is a highly manageable std and medication can help a lot with it. Best of luck.

Answer 5

My sister got herpes from her husband after he cheated. The divorced but are trying to reconcile, they have 2 kids. I don't approve of what my brother-law did, it was pretty dumb. The whole family is lucky it was Herpes and not AIDS or some other terminal illness. Don't feel like a push over you stuck up for your feelings. You still wanted to be with your wife. To get back out there they had a show on Tyra (Tyra Bank's show) about STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) and there is actually a websites where you get to meet and date other singles with Herpes, like www.mpwh.net . You can also date people that do not have Herpes just be careful you are well aware it is contagious. The website of singles with Herpes makes it easier because it will be easier to date someone who understands what you are going through.

Answer 6

You will not be single forever. Maybe you should seek some counseling, to help you past the damaged goods feelings, you are not, you may have been used by an unappreciative ex, but you are not damaged. The ex must have really killed your self esteem- remember her problems came from her not from you. She is one of those "the grass is always greener" people. It is okay to be shy, alot of women like the shy guys, you will find someone who wants the same things as you, and trust me there are a ton of women out there that will love your kids and staying home with you.

Answer 7

People who learn new things (fencing, sailing, flying), have experiences/travel and have hobbies become more sexually attractive to the opposite sex regardless of outward appearances. Accomplishment breeds confidence. You are 34 and still young enough to really do some things especially with some new found freedom. Instead of chasing a girl straight off the bat - try something that you never thought you'd get to do because family took so much of your time. After you do this a few times - you won't have to chase girls - they will be attracted to you because you are interesting and confident.

You have a chance that everyone our age happy or sad thinks about - total reinvention while still young enough to thoroughly enjoy it. Live the dream - and be creative.

We are all rooting for you.

Answer 8

You sound like a decent good man. Your wife was very foolish to leave you. Her loss! Anyway why don't you start going to a church or hang out at single places. Join a fitness program where there are a lot of pretty single woman there. I'm sure you will meet a good woman. When you have been married for a while it's hard to get out in the world and being single again. I think you are going to be just fine. Hang in there!

Answer 9

Hi I am a 24 yr old I know how hurt u are. My ex cheated, beated on me all the time. Thank God I never caught an std. U can still have a life u still have a future. Your ex wife will get what is coming to her ever heard what goes around comes around. I have a child to well a newborn. Are u gonna get custody of them? U should u can get her for adultry. Well, u dont let what she done to u put u down to bad. Keep your head up. Remember God will never put to much on you that you cant handle

Answer 10

Sounds like got hit with a triple whammy.

First, understand that there will come a time that you'll see the sun shine again. You probably don't see it now and haven't seen it for some time. Any divorce involving kids takes time, especially the boys are so young. You have to take it one day at a time as the cliche goes and focus on what needs to be done.

Next, make sure you know, understand and can handle the Herpes situation. You certainly want to try and avoid transmitting it to someone else:
http://www.mamashealth.com/stds/herpes.asp

You may not like what I'm going to say but there is good and bad in what you told us about yourself. I have to say that you did an admirable job in not getting angry and losing it with your ex-wife. Guys tend to get angry and violent when confronted with situations like the one you were in and during divorce. On the other hand, women are more cool and calculating and get their revenge in other ways. Clearly, they have the advantage over us in divorce matters. Just my opinion.

Now for the bad part. I think you should stand up to your ex-wife more. It's probably too late to save your marriage, but you still can stand up for yourself in the settlement process of your divorce. It's easy to say I'll let her have this or that to make the end of the process easier. But I think you need to stand up for your rights since you were the one who was grieved more. Believe me, if the circumstances were in favor of your ex-wife she would be getting her revenge on you.

It's really a balancing act, keeping your emotions in check and trying to stand your for your rights at the same time. The Beastie Boys said "You gotta fight for your right to party..." Well, same thing here.

As for getting your life back, it will come back in time. You got a college degree, good job and honest values so if you can keep the things you believe in you will eventually see the daylight at the end of the tunnel even though now you may think you never will.