Can you give some advices on fighting my social anxiety?

Question

I am going to be honest about my life, so that I can get good advices.

I originally am from South Korea, and I had been living in the U.S. for about 10 years.

When I began living in the U.S., it was my first time living in the other society, so I was a total stranger.

But from there, it was very, very difficult for me to make friends, and I felt lonely from high school in the U.S.

I went to college in the U.S., but there, it was difficult for me to make friends as well. I felt very lonely, and this continual experiences of absence of caring developed me a severe social anxiety. Making things worse, at my college years, I had a health problem, so I think this make people stay away from me even worse.

Now I am back to Korea, to get some rest.

But I do plan to go back to the U.S.

I could have hung out with other Korean people, but it was just not my taste, because I wanted to be friends with Americans.

Can you give me some advice on fighting my social anxiety?

Answer 1

The best way to combat any type of phobia is by Exposure Therapy techniques.

So what you could do is start thinking of all the things that make you feel anxious - i.e. asking a stranger the time right through to asking a girl on a date... and then rate them in terms of which is more frightening.. and then start on the easier ones and work your way up...

The more you exposure yourself to your fear, the more you will challenge the beliefs.. and the anxiety will fade.. the anxiet will be hard to deal with to begin with but know that the anxiety will fade with time.. until you're desensitised to it. This is the way therapist treat things like arachnophobia etc.

. Maybe do some reading on Exposure Response Prevention Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?

Answer 2

Mark just do this one little thing. Take the Briggs-Myers test. It's on the internet. Find out your personality type. Be 100% honest with the test, relaxed, attentive, sincere, alert, dedicated. Keep in mind that, you really can't take it twice. The first time is the time that counts, so make it real, don't be cavalier, or second guessing, or twisted in any way when taking the test -- give your honesty to it 100% -- tell the test about yourself in a fully truthful way. Do it with care, but be relaxed. Phobia is a strong word. People with a real phobia often wind up on Paxil, or worse. You may just be an INTJ (like me). So, find out. Then you can steer yourself into occupations you will most likely be good at, and you will have a lot less anxiety about your life. You may find that phobia feeds on itself, so when you start making better choices, given your personality type, you create a negative feedback loop and you start building down (or right-sizing) your self-diagnosed "phobia". I'm just giving you Truth here (that's my job as a Mentat), not love, so don't try to contact me, OK?

Answer 3

I don't know if this will help, but here goes:

In the U.S., you are admired not for what you do, but for what you try. Here, it is OK to screw up something, brush yourself off, and keep going.

Think of that in social situations -- OK, what are you nervous about? That you will say something stupid? But they will accept it, and see it as a sign you are "normal", and not some perfect genius that Americans don't respect anyway. You probably will be judged more harshly by Koreans.

Afraid that you won't know what to say? Just say what you are thinking, or say "I don't know", or ask someone a question that gives them room to do the talking. For instance, if someone asks you, "How was your day today?", you can say, "Not bad (a common answer). Long day at work (it always is)." Then, "How about you?" Generally they love to talk, and everyone here loves a good listener.

If you have hobbies, feel free to bring them up in conversation. If they don't like to talk about that, it's OK. Ask them what their hobbies are if that keeps things going.

When interacting with Americans, be "outgoing" and confident. Americans don't generally like people who are shy -- they think there is something wrong with them, and their attention is so hard to get (what with TV and the internet) that they don't generally want to chase after you to find out what's on your mind.

I hope this helps.

P.S. I think you are already well on your way to overcoming your anxiety. Good luck!

Answer 4

Take inventory of what you like to do for fun. Do you like music,sports,exercise or out doors activities? Make a list . Then
get involved in that activity. For example: do you like to exercise? Join a gym sign and up for a class. When your there you may meet people that in to the same things you are into. That Makes it easy to ask someone questions and spark a conversation. Over time when you see them you get to know them a little bit more. Before you know it you make arrangements to work out together and that can lead in to friendships. This dose not mean you run out and join a gym. Just be your self find out what you like to do for fun and surround your self in that. You can find people that have a similar interest.
Keep this in mind , some of those Koreans you didn't want to hang out with could be "Americans". America is a melting pot of people from all over the world. They could also be a great source to meet other non-Koreans. Be flexible and have fun.

Answer 5

I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway

Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?

Answer 6

I don't like everything everything about my country,
but one thing i do appreciate is the Diversity. I especially enjoyed this last year when i worked in a hotel. The best thing to is be bold
and real. Also smile alot. Do not move to any of the southern states (eg Florida,Georgia,Alabama...) Down there they are haters and are the most likely to call you derogatory names

Btw, I live in the Cincinnati Ohio area

Answer 7

Bud, I would have been glad to be your friend. I was stationed in Korea in the Army, and my roomate was Korean and he taught me Korean and Hungal, and we toured South Korea on our off time. An American would had to have had the Korean experience to really understand your culture. I respect the Korean culture alot, and think it's a beautiful country. Most Americans see someone different and they just don't know what to think about them because most races here stick to themselves.

Answer 8

It's true for people born in one country and they move to a totally new country for a new life. And hard to find real soul mate to be friends with. Maybe you can try attending local volunteering organization or Churches. There you can meet people with great thoughts and friendly smile.

Have you found there is a difficulty to hangout with people same nationality in a different country? Maybe it's a better idea you look for someone whom can just communicate with you in English for good.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do is be yourself. Don't try to change for anyone. Get out and meet people, talk to them and it will become easier for you. I don't know if you have a heavy accent or not, but if you do, it's best to work on that so you don't feel uncomfortable speaking the English language and people your speaking to don't have a hard time understanding you. Good Luck!

Answer 10

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