My husband and been married seven years. His children came to stay with us and all hell broke loosed. The girls gave me hell. I treated them if they were my own kids, because I am not their mother they refused to obey. I would bring it to my husband attention but it would go into their ears and come out another. To make a long story short, my husband moved out with the kids but refused to tell me where he lives or home phone number. There is no other woman but because the kids (6) dislike me that much he doesn't want to give me this information. But he still wants to come and lay with me. Its been one year of me toiling with this. Please tell me if I'm making the right decision about not sleeping with him. Serious answers please.
2006-08-26 17:49:40 · 24 answers · asked by peaches 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If you are asking this question of Christians I would imagine that you also are a believer. If that is the case you should find a church that offers counseling and go discuss this issue with them. There are more issues than should be dealt with in a forum like this. Don't take any specific answer anyone gives you with just this amount of information with one exception. You need not feel an obligation to "lay" with him.
2006-08-26 18:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You want serious OK. I'm not a marriage counselor. But I do believe that women should submit to their husbands. If he is not telling something OK let that go. Work on you and him. When he does to see you show him, you love him. Any body can walk away and give up. But it takes a woman that really loves her husband to hold on to their life together. He has a relationship with these children that need him ( All children need their father) He desires to keep one with you or he wouldn't keep coming around. If you keep putting him off you are the cause of the separation. Be strong and talk about these children with him, be interested in what they are doing so he sees your heart is in the right place. It will take some time but you can do it, if you really love him. I don't think you would be asking if you didn't. Stop and think, about how you can speak positively with him before you turn him away one to many times and he doesn't come back. Here's a site that will help teaching the children to respect you. You deserve it.
2006-08-27 01:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by remembertnb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I feel for you! This has to be a difficult situation.
But here's what I don't understand. You say there is no other woman? How do you know? SInce he only comes around when he wants to sleep with you, but he won't tell you where he is living???
I'd do some serious praying about this situation, and is there a person you can suggest counseling with? It seems that you need some counsel from a Christian who knows more of the details than you can share on this website.
I think you are making the right decision about not sleeping with him, until he wants to become your husband once again. He is not treating you as a wife by moving out and only being with you for bedroom activities.
2006-08-27 01:10:15 · answer #3 · answered by Searcher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While there are always many sides to an issue, I glean enough from this that I think I can respond fairly.
First of all, you're separated and he doesn't even tell his own wife where the heck he's dwelling. That says it all. That is NOT a normal situation that you just cope with keep going.
First of all, there's the issue of him "giving himself to his kids", becuase so many fathers (like mine) just toss the kids aside with the old wife when they move on to the next. But in his case, he's letting his kids run his life. By being so passive, he's not only destroyed the marriage (I believe it's unfixable at this point), but it really sounds like he's created a few little tyrants who are going to ruin other people's lives in marriage because their future spouses will never consent to the level of control and manipulation that they have become accustomed with in daddy. They were disobedient to you, which is understandable in stepkids to a point, but to make your own husband HIDE from you to keep peace, and to "pop in" when he wants you as a whore is nothing short of bizzare.
If you haven't asked him yet, you should.
Is this situation normal?
What do you think should be done about it?
Do you think you're being a decent father to the kids in this circumstance?
Do you really think that this is how a wife should be treated?
Is there any way you can learn to stand up for yourself to your own kids?
If not, do you want to keep living like this?
If he prefers the situation this way, then you'll have to make a choice.
2006-08-27 05:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by The Garden of Fragile Egos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and have a long talk.I don`t blame you for not sleeping with him,that would be a reaction that most of us would have.I don`t understand why he won`t tell you where they are and give you a phone number where he can be reached.If you treated the children well then you don`t have anything to be ashamed of.How old are the kids and how many?Do you have children of your own?Why are they now with your husband instead of their mother?The children could be angry about their parents,moving in with you,many things bother children in these circumstances.I hope you all can sit down and work it out.God Bless.
2006-08-27 01:03:39 · answer #5 · answered by greenstateresearcher 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. If he would agree to counseling, that would help, but he probably won't.
No sense in guy-bashing, but I'd have a few choice words for such a coward & lousy example of a father that he'd let his kids (CHILDREN, mind you) decide for him that he doesn't need to be with you.
If he's a Christian, you're pretty much obligated to put up with it as long as you can, but God certainly doesn't revel in your unhappiness, & He's faithful to forgive.
If he's not, there's your out. He left you. Claim abandonment & move on with your life.
Either way, I'd suggest making plans to let him stay gone.
2006-08-27 00:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by azar_and_bath 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
I don't know what to say... Husband and wife should cleave and become one flesh (genesis)
I'm not sure what to do, If he's been sleeping around also you can get a divorce, but Jesus tells us not to do so unless they have lay with someone else.... Pray to God about it, you don't deserve that treatment. by the way, don't you have children to him??
If you have slept together you must have falled pregnant. You shouldn't use contraceptives... Sorry i don't know what you should do, pray, and ask God... is only advice i know
2006-08-27 00:56:37 · answer #7 · answered by Sky_blue 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are right not to. In fact, if it is something you are considering, I would think divorce on the grounds of abandonment wouldn't be considered a sin. Have you consulted your pastor about this? I would get serious spiritual guidance concerning this matter before taking any steps. But, I would definitely not allow him near you until this is resolved. If he doesn't want to be the man of the house, then he doesn't get to be the "man" of the house, if you get my drift.
2006-08-27 00:56:16 · answer #8 · answered by BrotherMichael 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Even though his kids sound awful, you can't critisize his decision to put his children first. No matter what they are like, all parents should do that. If he's separate from you and only comes to you for sex then I don't think you two should have any relationship at all.
2006-08-27 00:56:25 · answer #9 · answered by opi 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Truly this is a very hard question; It seems to me if he really loves you then he would do something about the kids, other than that i really don't know what to tell you. Just pray about it.
2006-08-27 00:55:35 · answer #10 · answered by His eyes are like flames 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋