I thought we were engaged but never were.?

Question

Me and my boyfriend went shopping for engagment rings, he let me pick the one out I liked, Will he gave it to me I thought we were engaged. We had a fight one day recently I was ready to break it off and said do you want to call our engagement off? He said we aren't engaged I never asked you to marry me did I? Thinking back I didn't hear those words will you marry me? We have since made up but knowing I am wear an engagment ring and its not I don't know what to think. He told me we were never engaged so I asked him what time of ring is this that you placed on my left ring finger and he replied just a ring. I am 46 years old not a kid I have been married before for 22 years I have been divorced for nearly 10 years, has times changed so much that a engagment ring is not an engagment ring. I have been hurt ever sense but can't bring up this issue with him again. Help me out anyone. Has this happen to anyone else or is this a normal thing now?

A few things I should add, we don't live together he lives 3 doors down from me. Yes I did get married at a very young age the first time around. Bad mistake. And the fight we had I should of broke up with him why I didn't because I love this man I trust him I don't think he would ever cheat on me, he seems he as morals when it come to that.

Answer 1

No, it is not a normal thing. Of course a ring is just a symbol, but why would he try to confuse you like that? He has a problem with commitment. You need to seriously evaluate whether or not you want to keep on seeing someone who can't dedicate himself to you and plays games with your emotions whenever he's upset.

Answer 2

I think he is playing mind tricks on you. If you shopped for a ring together and you put it on your engagement finger, what else could he mean by that?

How about wearing it on the right hand? See if he notices or says anything. If he does, just say "I thought it wasn't an engagement ring."

Better yet, have a nice romantic time and stop things in the middle and point blank ask him if you are engaged. He won't want to get you upset then and may actually admit you are!

Answer 3

Wow sweetie. You assume too much. You need to spend some time single and doing something other than looking for a husband. That may have sounded insulting but think about it....your a divorced woman, who is now shacked up with a guy that plays head games as much as you do and has a commitment problem.


Work hard, Read books, travel, experience life outside of where you live, meet lots and lots of intresting people, take care of your self, eat great foods.

Give the ring back to the ex-boyfriend, grab your things, get a bus ticket enjoy yourself alone for a bit!

Answer 4

This is ridiculous.
If there is a committment - then there is a commitment. Words are one thing, actions are another.
I think if he is getting his nookie he may be playing with you. Drawing you out as long as he can.....since he may see you need to feel some commitment to keep seeing him. It may have bought him more time....

If you are waiting for this guy to give you respect - I think you may need to wait too long.

Suggestion 1. You need to hand him back the ring and say if this does not mean anything as far as a commitment you do not want it. I would also stop having any sex with him too....as if he is getting milk, why buy the cow. (sorry bad expression)

2. Tell him that since he has not the guts to asked you to marry him, then get on your knee and say "will you marry me". If he says no - then tell him to take a hike. At least he can tell you what the heck is going on.....and if he says no with no explanation, you know that this is a bad deal.

Good luck - I think you will be moving on..... I think.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this is not a normal thing or something that is going on with the "new times" . NOW men do buy us rings for gifts that are not engagement rings, but then they should not look like one, nor should it be worn on the left hand!

I say give the ring back and just tell him that he obviously was not ready and that you would rather wait til he asks properly. Then of course decide if you want to be there at all.

Answer 6

doesn't sound very normal to me. When a man and women shop for an engagement ring, the next step to follow is marriage. Maybe what he gave you was a friendship ring. You need to talk to him about this. You can't go on wondering what the future will hold with this man.

Answer 7

Something like this happened to me within the past two years. The guy I was dating did give me an engagement ring, never asked to marry him, but we did start making plans to be together about where we wanted to get married, what type of gown he wanted me to wear (this would have been my 2nd marriage), where we were going to go on our honeymoon for two weeks, where we were moving to, the whole nine yards. When my engagement got stolen, we bought me another one. Then within the past year, things went astray, his mother and family started interfering and he told me that he could not handle the stress, so he decided not to see me for awhile. Well, that has been 5 months now and no phone calls or any type of contact. I assume that it is over, even though he has not contacted me. I hope this helps with your question.

Answer 8

You need to ask him because no offense but you are too old to be playing games. I am happily married but If i werent and i had a ENGAGEMENT ring on the finger that a ENGAGEMENT ring went on I would consider myself ENGAGED. Just ask him maybe he was just mad at the time and said it not meaning it.

Answer 9

This isn't normal, this is your man deliberately trying to hurt you. He's playing games and they aren't fun. A diamond ring on the left ring finger is an engagement ring.

Answer 10

Well, first of all, everytime you get mad don't be quick to threaten him to 'call of the engagement'. It doesn't matter how old you are, that just sounds immature. Second, maybe that is Why he said that you two were never engaged, he had to respond in a way to protect his own feelings. He could of said that as a comeback. Third, you need to straight out ask him - 'Why did you buy me an engagement ring if we are not engaged?' Instead of asking on answers just ask him and get a real reponse out of his mouth. Good luck.