what to do about marriage?

Question

I am a backslidden christian I truly want to serve God but I have been choosing not to be obidient to him my fear is that my husband will leave and i won't be able to care for me and our child,I have christian friends who encourage me to go to church and trust in God with my marriage.I've been back in forth with this for 12 years and I'm tired of my husbands ways.How do i let go of the fear that i'm being tormented with.I feel ilike i'm choosing my husband over God how can I change this?I also have 3 children from my previous relationship that my husband doesn't want me dealing with because of their present problems they are 18,17.and 15 whom live with there paternal family which I am not fond of,though I feel a tug in my heart as though my kids truly need me,I am afraid my husband will not support that please help.

Answer 1

You wish you would have never gotten married don't ya?

Answer 2

Your duty is to God first and foremost. Choose Him. You have Christian friends who can help and support you, and once you get plugged into a church, there will be even more support there. See a marriage counselor. Pastors often perform this task as well. Ask your Christian friends of their opinions on the pastors that serve their Churches, that may help you decide. A wise pastor will include his wife (or another church staff member) in any counseling for any woman on any issue (to avoid the "appearance of evil" and keep you both out of trouble). Ask your husband to join you in the sessions and at church, but go anyway if he refuses. If he threatens to leave you if you begin to change for the better, you need to be strong and remain faithful to God. If you husband decides to leave, then it will be his decision to do so, and you will not be at fault in God's eyes. Take your child to church with you. You would be remiss in your duty as a parent in not teaching your child the ways of God. I will be praying for you.

Answer 3

Difficult as it may be, you should go to church. You should turn to God and let Him lead you where He will.

If your husband left you because you turned to God, is he really the kind of person you should be with? It sounds to me like it's not so much him as it is your fear of being unable to take care of yourself and your child. A very admirable and understandable concern. But trust me, if you turn it over to God, He will take care of it.

Pray about it. Turn to God and tell Him your fears and concerns. Surely you would have a chance to pray at least once a day without your husband knowing. Ask Him to lead you and take care of you when you follow His lead. Then be prepared to do just that.

As for your other children, if the man you are with now does not want you to be active with your own children, that should tell you something. It is very difficult for children to not have their own biological parents active in their lives. Even if it isn't any doing of their own, they can't truly understand that. This may be part of why they are having problems.

I say go to church and take all of your children with you if at all possible. You will all be better off for it.

Good luck. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Answer 4

It seems to me that you know the right answer. You see that your husband's ways are wrong and you see that he is holding you back from doing the right thing. Returning to God is a start. Returning to Him in prayer will help reconnect you. Also, going back to church will surround you with Christians who will support you in ways that your husband refuses to. And then put your trust in God. Do not be afraid of the possibility of your husband leaving. If it is truely in his heart to leave you, what is there to stop him from doing so on a whim? The best you can do is to live according to the spirit and be an example. if your husband rejects your example, your children will see your example and be able to discern between living according to the world as your husband wishes to and living according to the spirit as you wish to do. A good verse that has given me comfort is Proverbs 3: 5,6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." With this verse, I deployed to Afghanistan and trusted Him to guide me and to protect me according to His will. Do not fear what your husband will do, for you know that following God is what you need to do. And whatever you decide to do, and however your husband reacts, do not stop praying for him.

Answer 5

Lady, I can't say I sympathize with you because I don't think the same way you do. but judging from what you wrote(and I am not pretending to be a shrink), one of the most important things you need is knowing who you are and a true sense of self. The consequence of not going for what you really want in life is to spend the rest of your life regreting it and before you know it, it would be 20 years. When you want to make changes in life,many things will apart and bring pain to your life but that really is the price you have to pay.I know it sounds harsh but that really is what it is. you keep saying that you are afraid that your husband won't support you and what not, didn't you support yourself before you married this husband?Is there a way for you to find a job to start making your own money if you really want to get out of this marriage? If you want things to change for the better in your marriage, just "leave it to God " is not enough. Remember, God helps those who help themselves.if you can't try doing your best to make decisions and take the necessary actions for yourself, others are going to do it for your not for your best interests but for theirs. I hate to say this but no one can help you on this one except yourself. just letting this whole thing drag on is not going to do anything for you.
And please remember, Anyone who tells you that they have answers for you are just lying.

Answer 6

Your husband sounds like a control freak. He doesn't let you do anything. You want to be religious, but you're afraid of your husband. It seems like you stay with him because you're afraid of how you'll cope if he leaves. You should stay because you love him, not because of fear.

He doesn't even want you to go to church or see your children. God, if you sincerely believe in him, should be just as important as your husband. Your husband should accept that. Your husband should also accept the fact that you love all your children and need to be with them.

First, talk to your husband about your problems and how you feel. Listen to his side of the story. If he doesn't change or accept your faith and desires, then he's not worth it.

Answer 7

Romans 7
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband.

1Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Answer 8

you imply that your husband has been up to no good. if that's the case, ask him to seek counseling either with your pastor or a professional. if he refuses, separate from him, at least until you can get yourself together. if he's abusive, leave at once. seek help from social services in your city if you need assistance. start putting yourself first, get some counseling and help. your self-esteem sounds like its hit rock bottom!!! re-establish your relationship with your children, they need you and you need them!

Answer 9

I have no idea what to tell you, other than to ask our loving Father, in the name of His son, to give you wisdom and guidance, strength and courage, that He enable you to trust Him and hear from Him. May the peace of God, His love and assurance overflow you today, in Jesus' name.