A question for single mothers with children/child age 16-18?

Question

My question is how and what should I say to my mom to tell her I'm moving out. But please read details before you answer.

I am 17 years old, I have a boyfriend whom my mother is not too fond of, she dosn't hate him, but she thinks he may be abusive (he's not) and that he is unreliable and immatture (he can be.) I am moving in with him a.s.a.p. My mom lives about 30min away from my boyfriend. I already stay with him often, usually for a week or 2 sometimes longer. (I take online high school and college level courses if your wondering how this is possible.) She is the one who drives me back and forth. I have just gotten hired for a job right down the street from my boyfriends apt. so I can walk to and from work. The reason why I am moving is mainly because I have reasons to fear for my moms, mine, and my pets safety at the house she lives in. This is because her boyfriend murdered 2 of our pets and has been physically abusive to her multiple times and once to me.

He is also emotionally abusive to my mom. I know my mom will be worried about me, but I really can't be in the situation she is in. (She refuses to move till she gets money she is owed from him.) She has reasons to think that I may not be responsible enough to take care of myself but those eperiances only helped me grow and learn more into a more reliable, and responsible individual, and they stressed to me (along with other factors) the importance of education. (I am taking the right steps toward my education.) I know it will hurt her when I move, she really dosn't have anyone else, except her boyfriend who treats her like ****. I want to make it as painless as possible for us, because I will miss her too, but I do still want to see her, and talk to her. The problem is my boyfriend or myself do not own a phone, should I ask her to buy one for me? And make payments in full or partial after the first months bill? When should I tell her I am moving because earlier, ...

I asked her for some towels and miscellanious items for the apt., and she said yes but she said we really need to sit down and talk about this. I told her that I wasn't completely moving away I would just be at my boyfriends during work days. However now that I look at it I will be living primarily with him. How do I say and what to say to her? Should I sit down and talk, write her a letter or do both? Can you put yourself in her position and tell me what the best things your child could say to you would be to relieve some stress and grief? I want to be honest but I fear hurting her, I know she will be worried, Please Help me if you can! Thank You! I appreciate it!

Answer 1

First of all get yourself a pre-paid phone just to start with so that you can communicate with your mother. But before you leave, since you do love her and she's not the reason why you are leaving I think you should write her a letter telling her that. So then she will have the confidence that she is not the reason. Hopefully, one day, she will see what her BF is doing and will take what ever action needs to be taken to free herself from him.

As far as what you are doing? I think that you are doing the right thing for yourself. You sound like an intelligent young lady. Things will be tough, but that's life. It's never easy. And you have to do what's best for you.

I wish you luck with your move and your future. Graduate soon and will flying colors. Finish college and do good!!!!

Answer 2

The more I think about your question and situation the more concerns I have about your plans. Again, what is your boyfriend's role in all of this? If he was really concerned about you and your mom, he would be trying to find a way to help the situation. You haven't said much about waht he is saying or thinking.

I raised my daughters as a single parent. The years between 14 and 18 are the toughest, and a single parent is under tremendous pressure during those years. You have obviously thought about this a great deal. There is no way to tell this to your mom that will really make it any easier for her. She has a lot going on in her life right now, but so do you. Show your mom what you have written here, and talk to her about it. It actually sounds as if you and your mom have a very good relationship, which you should consider a precious thing, especially at your age. It certainly sounds as if your situation is a difficult one.

How about telling your mom that when she is ready to leave her boyfriend she can come and stay with you?

If you are mature enough to move out, don't ask your mom to pay for a phone for you. That was one part of your question where you showed that in some ways you are still a child. If you are moving in with your boyfriend, you two are creating a family and can't expect your mom to pay for that. Make sure that you plan for a way to keep communications open with your mom - you get the phone.

Does your boyfriend work? You sound like an intelligent young woman ... why do you want to be with a boyfriend that is unreliable and immature? How old is he? Is he older than you? Will you be living with his mom? You have been a bit skimpy on the details about him - which worries me.

You are only 17 and your mom may try to prevent you from moving out, and I do believe that legally she can do that. She is your guardian until you turn 18. If you were my daughter, you would move out over my dead body ... but that is me and the situation at home would be different from the one you describe ... I don't know how your mom will react.

The fact that you felt you had to write so much in your question to explain it all to us makes me think there might be more to the story that you are not telling us. Think seriously about all of that. Do you really think your mom is in danger? What about the police? You say her boyfriend has been abusive but again no real details - what does your mom say about that? When you say he "murdered" two pets, what do you mean?

You have a lot to think about. My advice is to not move out without talking this through with your mom. Again, show her what you have written here and all the responses you get and see if there is a way to sort this that really makes sense for both of you.

There is an old saying, "Marry in haste, repent at your leisure." Don't be too hasty would be my advice. Be sure you aren't leaving one bad situation to move into another.

Best of luck to you and your mom.

Answer 3

you're in a tough situation.
Someone else suggested a pre paid phone, great idea. You need to be able to keep in contact since there is so much going on in her "relationship". It may help her feel safer to that you're only a phone call away.

As for telling your mom, I would tell her everything you told us here.
Then once you get through that, knowing that your mom would probably have a lot of your fears too, make sure you keep a close relationship.
Set aside one night a week that she could come to the area that you live and spend time with her. Talk to her. Keep the communications open. A mom finds strength in her children. When she's ready to make changes in her own life, she'll need to know that you are there for her and may need to rely on some of your strength.
Know that you are a strong person and be confident.

Hope that helps.

Answer 4

You have such a burden for such a tender age. I think you need to sit down with her, and give her the reasons as you've laid them out here. It would probably be best if you did it somewhere other than her house, maybe over lunch?
Tell her you are afraid for her and yourself. People who abuse/kill animals can easily escalate to abusing people. If he's already doing that, then where does he go from there? Does she know he's been abusive to you?
She needs to get out too. He's never going to pay her back, especially if he knows that's what's keeping her there. Maybe with a heart to heart you can convince her. Is there anyone (adult) you can turn to for help talking to her? Do you live in a city where social services might be able to help you both get out, with your pets?
My heart breaks for you, and I wish you the best for you and your mom.

Answer 5

Unfortunatly since you are only 17 you cant just decide to move out. All you can do is ask if you can move out and tell her the reasons why you want to move out. If she says no, then legally you can not move out , cuz you would be considered a runaway. Your mother has all say so until you are 18.

Answer 6

Good grief, girl. Your mom wants to TALK to you. Do you know how lucky you are?
Don't just discuss your plans. If you are seriously concerned about your mom's safety, talk about that too.
Could the two of you leave together? And live together? And help and support each other? Strange things have happened.

Answer 7

just tell her everything you just said. it's going to hurt no matter what. your only 17 and no mother is ever prepared for their child to move out at age 17.

the only thing that concerns me is living with your boyfriend. i strongly urge you to find an apartment by yourself. a small, inexpensive studio type that includes the utilities. i would hate to see you end up breaking up and having no place to go. which, at your age, is very likely. please think hard about that one.

Answer 8

Just tell her exactly what u told us.On why u need to move out. I have a 18 yr old son and I would never ask him to put up with what u put up with.The bf needs to go and since that isn't going to happen u need to...Good luck

Answer 9

i grew to become into 22 while my daughter born and that i easily breastfed! I knew that grew to become into the ideal subject i might desire to do for my daughter, much extra so while she grew to become into born at 5lbs i knew that breast milk may well be precisely what she might pick. it truly is finished of meals and helps with the immune device and much extra and the better section is that it truly is loose! yet ooh the way it harm on the beginning up! yet as a mom we are able to flow by using any soreness for our toddlers. I breastfed till 14 months because of the fact my daughter did no longer pick to take the bottle at 6 months considering she grew to become into so used to the boob and then by using the time she grew to become into 12 months i attempted introducing conventional milk and she or he did no longer like it the two so i grew to become into kinda caught because of the fact i did no longer pick to end giving milk if she wasn't getting those meals from someplace else. yet now she eats superb and that i'm no longer aggravating anymore that she may well be lacking out on meals from my breast milk.