I know, it's a toughie. I love my boyfriend and we've been dating for 1 1/2 years. He loves me, and shows me it, but he got a new laptop and it doesn't leave his side. When we go outside, he brings it with him. It's in bed with us. It watches TV with us. It eats with us. I thought I was addicted but it just seems like he can't focus without it. He's also addicted to computer games, and writing them. He doesn't seem to want to talk to me thru IM or phone because he's always working on something like that. (I've tried learning that stuff, it's hopeless for me.)
We love each other very much, so suggesting breaking up isn't an answer. I just wish I could figure out how to get him not addicted to these things and help him focus, and appreciate the simpler things. I don't want to change him, I love him for who he is, but I don't think this is healthy.
Please help?
Thank you :)
2006-08-26 14:37:53 · 14 answers · asked by sheepeshlysheepy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
nakedness only grabs attention for a little while and im talking about not-naked time lol
2006-08-26 14:44:08 · update #1
Well, since your answer on this other question says that you're only 16, you might want to discuss this with your parents:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20060826191048AAqQj3B
Of course, it's disappointing and hypocritical that you are in bed with a boyfriend, since you claim to be a Jehovah's Witness.
With a husband.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20060825141331AArllQJ
This questioner's deceiptful attempts to demean the Jehovah's Witness religion are disgusting and immoral. Interestingly, such "hatred" should be expected by true Christians in this time of the end, and it actually helps identify Jehovah's Witnesses as Christ's true disciples:
(John 15:19) If you were part of the world, the world would be fond of what is its own. Now because you are no part of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, on this account the world hates you.
(Luke 6:22) Happy are you whenever men hate you, and whenever they exclude you and reproach you and cast out your name as wicked for the sake of the Son of man.
(1 Peter 4:4) Because you do not continue running with them in this course to the same low sink of debauchery, they are puzzled and go on speaking abusively of you.
(2 Timothy 4:3-5) For there will be a period of time when they will not put up with the healthful teaching, but, in accord with their own desires, they will accumulate teachers for themselves to have their ears tickled; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, whereas they will be turned aside to false stories. You, though, keep your senses in all things, suffer evil, do the work of an evangelizer, fully accomplish your ministry.
It seems signficant that the relatively small religion of Jehovah's Witnesses are the ones best known for their worldwide preaching work. Yet Jesus commanded that ALL who would call themselves "Christian" perform this public work:
(Matthew 28:19,20) Go therefore and make disciples of people of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the holy spirit, teaching them to observe all the things I have commanded you. And, look! I am with you all the days until the conclusion of the system of things.
Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/library/jt/index.htm
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2003/3/1/article_01.htm
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2002/4/1/article_01.htm
2006-08-30 01:34:50 · answer #1 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I've read you seem to be very mature about a situation that is starting to crop up in the relationships of today.
My current girlfriend had this problem with her ex as well. From what I understand he was very spoiled and very self centered so when she tried to come between him and his silicon alter it was a terrible situation.
I don't think that it's healthy for your boyfriend to bring the laptop every where he goes , espeically in the bedroom.
Being a guy I think that's a little weird when you've got a great gal beside you.
My suggestion to you is to find a time when he isn't on the computer, for example after he get's out of the shower or the washroom. Put yourself between him and computer and tell him you need discuss something that's really bothering you. Try to be combative with your tone because this will just send off alarm bells. Before doing this take about a week and write down all the times that he's on the computer. This will take effort but if your boyfriend is a visual learner emperical data like this will hit home to him. Then make the effort and tell him that the amount of time he's spending on the computer as well it's presence in everything you do is starting to become a problem because you are being replaced by that machine.
He will say you're wrong but from what your telling fourm that is the situation.
With the data you collected present it to him and then offer this solution.
Make boundries as to where the laptop can be. It's not allowed in the bedroom, it's not allowed at the dinner table and so on. Places where two people in a relationship should be communicating.
If he still doesn't see the error in his ways then honestly as much as it hurts, part ways. In hind sight he'll see that you tried to make an effort but it was his decision in the end to pay more attention to a computer than you.
Both my girlfriend and I spend a great deal of time on our computers playing games and working but we make the time to be awayfrom them and be "disconnected" from the world and connected to eachother.
Take care and good luck.
RRL
2006-08-26 14:50:10 · answer #2 · answered by rangeroverlad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a computer addict also. Probably not as obsessed as him, but I go on my desktop a lot.
Anyways, I don't have a gf, considering I'm only 14, but if I did, she'd have to be able to take my interests off the comp.
And if you're going to take away a certain interest away in one direction, you're going to have to give him another. Try going places where he can't bring the computer, like say...a movie. I would think he's not going to have the lap-top in his face, when there's a big screen right in front of him...unless he's really that obsessed.
I guess the main point is, get closer to him, get him interested in other things, maybe certain outside activities, go to the beach, surf, go to a game, etc.
If all fails, try talking to him about. Perhaps the two of you can calmly compromise over how he should spend his time. Maybe you can work something out, like having him use his computer on his own time and not when you guys are together. If you live together, maybe he should limit his time on the computer.
This idea might get him upset, but if this happens, at that point, the real question will be: The computer...or you?
Do what you can without working towards a split. That doesn't solve anything.
Anyways, sorry if I couldn't help. Good luck.
2006-08-26 14:47:38 · answer #3 · answered by akatsuki_379 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tell you you can't get hard because you are not used to cope with a real person any more, it 's harder to have to face with a real girl than with a bunch of pixels. Pixels don't judge you, they don't need care and love. You should get out from the virtual reality and "smell" some real cherry. There are millions of people that would exchange a pile of porn dvds for a single real not-so-beautiful woman even if she's not that goddess. If you have difficulties facing real relationships, try anyway staying on something more phisical, like having some massage or asking a street girl to let you touch her and massage her for a while. Feel the skin and the animal smell of the female. You do are an animal . You do have a beast in you, But your mind is blocking your-self.
2016-03-26 21:19:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do would be to tell him how you feel. Don't talk accusingly like saying "you don't spend enough time with me, you're always with that computer..." stuff like that won't get you anywhere. It's better to say it this way "I feel like we're not spending enough time together, I miss giving each other our undivided attention." Maybe you two could set aside some together time without the computer. But don't try to get him to stop messing with the computer. He's doing what he likes to do and it's good that he wants to keep learning. Maybe you could ask him how he does this and does that. It'll bring you two closer together and you'll learn more about computers at the same time. It's fun to share learning together with someone you love. He'll also appreciate that you're not trying to tear him away from what he likes, and should make him love you even more for understanding.
Hope this helps. =)
2006-08-26 14:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Punky Brewster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your concernes, tell him how you feel your beating treated. Then listen to what he has to say, after this is done see if you two can work things out. If not then perhaps the love you have for one and other isn't as strong as you maybe think.
Best of luck with whatever it is you choose to do.
2006-08-26 14:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Chris H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about the problem, if its annoying you that much you should be open to him about it. If he loves you too then he should gladly leave the laptop for a few hours to spend with you.
Either that or get naked, whichever works for you.
2006-08-26 14:40:43 · answer #7 · answered by xplug_in_baby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does not recognize his behavior as an impairment to your relationship, he will not be open to anything that would require him to relinquish his "security blanket". Thus, he won't go to counseling and won't listen to you. Women want two things: to be hugged and truly listened to. When you are in bed, what is more accessible? You or his lap top?
2006-08-26 14:56:49 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make him choose between the laptop do something the laptop cant do surprise him intrigue him dont talk to him bout it he'll probably take it the wrong way plus its kinda creepy having the laptop everywhere but if you love him its worthless trying to break you to apart surprise him with new things everytime youll think of things. seduce him make him feel worthwhile make him call out your name.
2006-08-26 14:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by jaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he's in the shower/bath, then throw it in with him, and tell him there's a message for him on it. It works even better with it plugged in to the wall. You said it does everything with him, why not bathe too?
2006-08-26 14:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by zelgadiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋