my son has rotten attitude about life???

Question

here's my problem that I'm having with my 14yr old son and see if anybody can help me with it. I'd deeply appericate. My son is 14yrs old and when he is told to do something he snaps back harshly with a mean tone and then says what's the point! honistly I'm not his real parent, Me and my other half have full gardianship of him when he was 9yrs old it's her Nephew, if this helps alittle, on back-ground anyways He has a low low self esteem we've been working with him trying to get him to up his outlook on life but he says exact words what's the point! we are getting him help, and he's on meds but his whole out-look towards life family everything is awful..Sometimes I wonder what really goes through his mind. He get's mean at times and dosen't stop and think who he hurts verbally..if anyone has suggestions please drop them by..thanks..

Answer 1

I think you should just talk to him to find out what is going on with him and see if there is any thing that you could do to help!!!

Answer 2

The reason he's been acting out for so long is because you can't beat him like we would have gotten beat for saying something like that. So what you need to do is give him an answer next time he ask you a question. (That is the purpose of a question right? He just needs an inventive way to learn respect.)

Start with "Son, you can put away the dishes or you can mow the lawn." Don't ask him to do anything. Give him an option so he "thinks" he has some control but he's 14 the child isn't going to die if he helps out and acts like part of the family.

Don't treat his medication like a crutch either. Yes, he probably needs it and yes, he might be in therapy but that's so that he can be a apart of the family and help out like everybody else so he can choose but he's gonna do one of them.

And when he asks "what's the point?" You can tell him that you'd be more than happy to show him by example when he loses his privleges for not completing the chore. It should work.

Answer 3

Want him to get a grip? Take him for a tour of a prison!!! Cause if he doesn`t change his attitude that`s where he`ll be going in the future!! My brother was the same way you say he is and he stayed in trouble from the time he was 12 until a few years ago. He did 5 years in prison because he didn`t want to change his life and when he came out 3 years ago and saw that his son was heading down the same path cause he thought it was cool he took his son to visit a friend of his that was still in prison. Wrote him a letter about 2 weeks in advance that he was coming and his friend set it up to where some inmates would show himwhat prison was like. Scared him to death and hasn`t been i trouble in over a year. Try that and see if that works. I know sounds kind of rough but sometimes that`s what it takes!! Tough Love!!!

Answer 4

First of all this kid has so many bad marks against him that are not his fault it will be a wonder if anything can help (I bet his bio parents are not real winners) The only thing you can do is find one thing this kid is naturally good at or has an interest in. This might be anything. Let him tell you what he wants to do/try/take classes in. Most any activity one is passionate about can become a vocation. If there is something that you want him to do.. like lawn work... go out and do it with him. Invite him along when you spend time with your hobbies.

Answer 5

He probably is thinking that he is not worth anyone's time of day because he is not with his biological parents. Therapy is a good head start but until he wants the help it won't be of much help. Just spend as much time as you can with him. Tell him how proud you are of him and that you wish he would have been your biological child. You have to build that self esteem. Get him involved in team sports or a youth group. Take him camping or hiking. Find out what HE really would like to do, then try to do it. Be a LISTENER, watch body language, and hugs are good for the ego. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Well put yourself in his place...he knows he is really not either one of yours. He is probably about the situation he has been put in and at 14 kids are very self-centered. His side of things is that life sucks, he is angry, and his hormones are going nuts. I am glad to hear that you are getting the boy help and meds! And most 14 yr olds don't stop to think what they say will be hurtful to those they speak to. Self esteem is a really tough issue to get over! I still have issues with it and I have been medicated for 10 years! I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 28! Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing and in time it will start to show your efforts!

Answer 7

I'm not a big fan of medicating kids, I think they interfere with the body's development. That's another topic all together.... 14 year olds in general can be difficult due to the sudden changes in hormone levels. Being selfish and self centered is also a phase that a lot of people go through. Just continue to be supportive and patient. I know that it won't be easy, but hopefully this will pass quickly for him. Good luck to you all

Answer 8

I was a youth leader in my church back home and I received lots of kids like the one you are describing. If you believe in God, pray so He may enlighten you and give you the wisdom to bring this boy up. He's a teenager: most of them are rebellious and (if you remember) we never think our parents are right. Christian churches have groups where parents can get together and discuss these issues...and they leave with concrete advice. There are also youth groups where God is going to deal with him and heal him since he is not with his real parents. Consequently your son will benefit. Since he is not your son (he doesn't see you as his dad, but someday he will) nor is your partner the mom, he doesn't feel he owes you guys an explanation for anything. This is a very tender age where he needs to know that you and your partner love him by your actions. All in all, I've seen changes in lots of youth this way. That's what I can advise you...God Bless!

Answer 9

Teenagers are great aren't they.

My suggestions are, make him work, a job that pays. A REAL job where he has to sweat and can see a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.

2. enroll him in a martial arts class. That has really worked wonders for my kids. Taught self discipline and raised their self esteem. And they meet some kids other than the ones they go to school with and have a sense of TEAM.

Good luck, I really do feel for you and wish you the best.

Answer 10

I really hate to say this, but at this point I would say (a ) the meds are totally wrong, ( b ) Maybe he needs some sort of boot camp to straighten his attitutude out. A child to grow in a healthy way needs love and a structure and a regimen with discipline with love applied. When I use the word discipline, I don't mean in the way of punishment. Do you take him fishing? Walks in the woods. Play baseball or hoops with him? How are you involved in his life? Do you sit him down and calmly talk to him, or yell when you've lost patience? Don't allow him to be the alpha male in the house and don't try to be his best friend. Other kids are supposed to be his friend. You are to be his parents first, who guide him and when necessary, discipline him for misbehaving. Be firm, but loving at the same time. Being a parent is tough ain't it? I have been in a similar situation as yours. I didn't put the child in boot camp though. I have my own type of boot camp for bad behavior. You have to assert your role as the alpha male in this situation. There is so much to say on this and how to deal with problem children. But most definately, DRUGS are NOT the answer. it only masks, or attempts to mask the symptoms and doesn't cure anything. I hate it when doctors take the so called easy way out and dispense drugs. These psychotropic drugs that they give children are extremely harmful and I would challenge any psychiatrist to defend using them so much. Only in the most sever of cases would I even consider it.

Answer 11

It sounds like he has been through a lot and is deeply depressed. I assume that's what the meds are for. Is he also in counseling? Does he have any special interests? Does he have any close friend or relative he will open up to? He sounds like he has given up--he needs to know there is a point to his life, that he is valuable. Figure out what his talents and interests are, and try to bring them out, or somehow incorporate them into your daily activities. I hope things get better.