i am a young grandmother. i babysit two grandchildren on a weekday basis.the oldest is seven.?

Question

several times the oldest has been grounded by his stepmom. she informs me of her decision when she drops him off to me. then she insists that i not allow him to do certain things while he is in my home due to the fact that she has grounded him. i do not feel it is fair for her to overinvolve me in her disclipinary problems. nor do i always see eye to eye with her for the reasons she grounds him. who would? she would not walk into a daycare and tell them that her child is grounded and cannot participate in class.... would she?

Answer 1

stop grumping...

to be a good granny you don't have to be a female santa claus..

the fact it is his step mother has absolutely nothing to do with the discipline... if the child is in her care for any reason you should respet her efforts in trying to maintain discipline....

You don't have to agree with her reasoning but you do have to abide by her decision or you will just be making a nice mess of things setting yourself up against her...

If the kid can't watch tv or cant do particular activities... and you don't want to be involved in the discipline then you are just looking for reasons to create a divide between this woman and child..... not very nice at all....

don't even think of using your grandchild to punish his step mother.. you are a nasty nasty woman...

why don't you simply admire the woman for taking on someone elses kid and trying to maintain discipline... you should be supporting her...

Answer 2

This is a tough one, I can see how you would feel, being a grandmother myself, and a young one I might add! The "step mom" thing comes into play too, and this is another emotional issue, and you loving the kids the way you do, this would be hard.
I think the best way to keep the peace is just to let her know you'll do your best, and then kind of do your best with her requests, after all she can't expect you to be perfect lol I have such a tendency to spoil the grand kids, but trying to also honor requests.....grandparents aren't known for being strict, and I don't think you have to be either..
My husband has a suggestion, he says if you have a good relationship with their dad to talk with him, and ask him what you should do. No emotional story, just state the facts, clear and without emotion, and ask him opinion. He says this should get a answer for you. .there now how about that, giving advice, and then not giving it lol hope this helps some....

Answer 3

Perhaps there are difficulties between the child and his stepmum. Have you told her your feelings regarding this issue yet? I believe you love taking care of your grandchildren and that you have strong beliefs about how the upbringing should be.
Why not tell both the kid and mum firmly how you want things to be in your own household? And also it might also do good to support your daughter-in-law's disciplinary views(pick those you agree too, else it wont work) in front of the kid. She will be grateful and more receptive to your suggestions.

Good Luck and have fun with your grandchildren!

Answer 4

so, it sounds like you took the responsibility of watching these children but thats it? I'm sorry but this sounds bad. So now the children will realize that if they are in trouble, all they have to do is go to grandmas and they get what they want.If the children misbehave at your house, do you not punish them and expect them to follow through? its going to become a problem in the future between you and their step mother. its already difficult enough for step parents to get respect. But when grandma isnt supporting certain decisions then the children will begin to notice.

Answer 5

My Mum (bless her heart) baby sits my daughters (ages 8 & 7) before school and after school, drops them off and picks them up.

I don't always agree with Mum and she doesn't always agree with me, but there are base rules (which I know she sometimes ignores).

Is your Daughter In Law a kind and loving mother to her step son? Is your concern about her parenting of him as opposed to her children?

If you think that your DIL is a kind and caring step Mom, then there is really no big issue about carrying out her punishment. TV is over rated anyway. If you think she is targeting your grandson, then a word to your Son is in order.

Good luck with this and God bless.

Answer 6

if she grounds him then she is responsible for following through and supervising the punishment...as a teacher, I have had parents come to school and tell that a child can't go to recess or what ever because of some behavior at home

Answer 7

Well, I can somewhat see both sides of this. She probably feels comfortable enough that when she brings the kids to you, it's like a home for the kids, so of course punishment would count at home. But, like you say, it's not home, it's day care. I would talk to her about it, and see if you can't come to a mutual agreement. Compromise on both sides.

Answer 8

I agree. While the children are in your house they follow your rules. They can be grounded when they get home. But you should be sensitive to her role in the family. Talk to your son and see the three of you can work together.

Answer 9

the sad part is,, she might,,
I have the same problem with my babysitter kid,, his mom grounds him alot and for like a month at a time,, and I just told her finally,, that's fine at your house but I can't sit here with him all day and not allow him outside or to watch TV or do anything but sit on my couch,, I won't do it. I will keep her rules about maybe not playing outside or,, not watching tv but not all of it at the same time.

You need to just talk to her in a respective way,, or talk to your son about your concerns.

Answer 10

Explain to her that her rules are only for her house and that you are not going to uphold her punishments that is for her to do since it is her punishments if she does not like that scenario then she should find another babysitter. Don't let her bully you, stand up to her.