Some of you have read about my long lost daughter of 8 years and her bf coming to live with me. After 2 weeks it is not working, so I wanted them out also. Now my son and 2 daughters hate me. I just wanted my house back and was unwilling to house my daughters bf who had been in prison and broke parole to come to my house. Now the bf has gone back to Oklahoma on a bus to get his truck to drive back here to get my daughter. I feel like I have failed my daughter, because I wanted to help her straigten her life out since she has been on drugs with her bf in the past.
Was I wrong to do this? Am I driving her to go back to drugs?
2006-08-26 13:44:44 · 22 answers · asked by JJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
no, you are not wrong to do this. At fifteen years old, I moved out of my mother's house into a one bedroom effieciency apartment with the help of my grandmother. I got a job, I paid my bills, and I visited my mother, but I could no longer live with her because of her drug problem. That was MY CHOICE, and no one elses. Just last year, my mother finally got the help she needed. She has a long road ahead of her, but she is once again on the right path. That was HER CHOICE. We all make decisions in our lives, we all have choices, and some of them are hard to make. Your daughter made her choice, and in no way is it your fault. You are not a bad mother, you raised her the best you could, I'm sure, and one day she, too will see hte light. it will be a long road for her to come back to, but all you can do is pray, hope, and continue to love her unconditionally.
2006-08-26 14:19:27 · answer #1 · answered by forgottenprincess 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your kids are adults, right? Then you owe them nothing. They are each responsible for everything they do, including drugs, getting into trouble, breaking parole, etc. Don't let anyone blame you for their adult mistakes.
There's only so much a parent can do with their children at most ages, but especially when they're grown up and making poor decisions all on their own. They may very well be just using you anyway, for a handout (place to live). They should not put you in this situation.
So live your own life, and free yourself from the bonds they want to impose upon you! Good luck.
2006-08-26 20:55:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now remember, you've only had a couple of negatives, and don't pay any attention to them! You've done the right thing, I've gone thru similar things with my kids. You have them for a time, then they move out and start making their own decisions. You will be enabling them if you allow them to stay with you and no responsibilities. The choices are theirs, your daughter chose this loser, if they go back to drugs this is their choice. You have to stay strong and stable and stand your ground. Good job Mom!
2006-08-26 20:58:36 · answer #3 · answered by trainer53 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is best to help your children anyway you can, and sometimes the best way to do this is tough love. It hurts, it sucks and there are no guarantees they will ever thank you for it. You are the one who has to sleep at night. It's not your job to take care of daughter's b/f. What's next? Custody of the grandkids? I think stepping up is the right thing to do, you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning. Hope all works out for you Hon. If you need to talk I'm at breeziewmkg@yahoo.com
2006-08-26 20:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by breeziewmkg 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are doing the right thing. I allow my daughter to live in my old house free of charge she has two children, and knows I will not put them or her on the streets. But I am insisting she return to college.
Recently her ex huband returned to live with her, and he's a bum. He's thousands of dollars behind in child support, and she allows him to stiff her again with his debts, his smoking habit, and food.
Next week I will tell him that he will hav eotget a job or leave and i'll throw his butt out if I have to. If she doesn't likeit she canleave too, I'll take care of the kids. sometimes you have ot stop bending with kids. even grown ones.
If your daughter doesn't want to help her self and take advantage of your help and get rid her burden she'll never change. Sometimes you just can not do enough for them . As I posted earlier on kids and loans my kids or relatives never considered me giving them money loans but options (me ebing the only one they had:):).) I think you are her option and her bf has jumped on the bandwagon.
If she loves you and wants your help she'll see reasoning draging a bum into yours and her life.
2006-08-26 21:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done the right thing. You can not make anyone use drugs who doesn't want to so don't worry about being responsible for her choices in the matter. She is an adult and is responsible for the life she chooses to lead.
You are responsible for your minor children, legally and morally. They need to be your first concern. Take them to counseling to help them understand why you have had to make the decisions you did.
2006-08-26 20:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by Deb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is your daughter? No, you have every right to lock them out of your house. They have to take responsiblity for themselves at some point. The bf sounds like trouble to me and you dont need him living under your roof.
2006-08-26 20:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by texas_gurl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
this is a pretty insane question Im sorry that it didnt work out But it IS your house and you have the Legal right to let in a push out whoever you want If you feel you did you job as a parent growing them up then they should listen to you and if you didnt do so good sometimes things like this happens so you just need to sitdown with your family and talk about what to do
2006-08-26 20:50:29 · answer #8 · answered by Captian JJ-Johnson 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! Honestly, you have done your job. They are adults now and all you can do is be there for them for support. That doesn't mean shelter, clothe, feed and bathe them either. Tough love is what they need. All you can do is sit back and pray that they straighten out their lives.
2006-08-26 20:53:33 · answer #9 · answered by sahm2boys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. Being your daughter's crutch wont help her. It's hard but you have to have a place you can call home and have some peace.
2006-08-26 20:49:10 · answer #10 · answered by Annie Hightower 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋