How do I take control?

Question

I'm currently in a relationship with the girl I've been chasing for 4 years. Long story short: she's always had an upper hand in our relationship (call me a p*ssy if you must). Now, she's telling me to take control of the relationship; telling me I have to take control. I'm pretty sure if I don't, she'll get bored. Since that has been layed out on the table, just how do I go about taking control without making it obvious that that's what I'm doing?

Answer 1

You can't change your personality - perhaps the compatability level is not quite right here.

Answer 2

Sounds like she is immature and has decided to give you an ultimatum that doesn't make much sense. Drama queen is what we call her over here. Tell her that you love her and love is mutually beneficial not "controlling". When a man controls a woman it is degrading and demeaning. Tell her to visit a battered woman's shelter where woman decided to let their men take control of their relationships. Tell her you won't be played and if she wants no control over the relationship then she can find a lot of abusive men out there. Trust me. she'll get all huffy and "leave you" She'll be back. Tell her she may not be ready for a mature relationship. If worse comes to worse go for an older woman who isn't into game playing. 4 years or 8 years older would be beneficial to you. Now that my friend is taking control of the relationship. Or you can decide not to put up appropriate boundaries and be victim to every immature whim she can throw at you. Good luck and remember, love doesn't hurt.

Answer 3

She's still in control fool. By telling you to take control, you're only taking control because she's giving you permission. She can take it back anytime she wants. Stop being such a wuss and realize that there are other girls out there and you can let her walk whenever she wants. You won't have control until you're not afraid to lose her (because she's not afraid to lose you.)

That's the bottom line.

As to how you do it specifically? Do stuff that YOU want to do. Assert your views, fight with her if you have to. Then you're in control. I suggest making it 50/50. Compromise on some stuff, but not on other stuff.

Answer 4

Whats with taking control why can't you two be on the same level with love an all because when one person thinks they have the upper hand it usually does not work.

Answer 5

You have self-esteem and relationship problems. You are asking advise on something that you do not understand. You need counseling.....really! Your relationship is dysfunctional and it will eventually go down the tubes with lots of hurt. Four years is a long time to waste trying to make something work that has no real future!

Answer 6

Who wants to be in a relationship where someone is in control? sounds like both of you need to go find other mates. A relationship is a shared experince ,with both parties giving, reciving, and not always on a equle basis. you need to rethink the situation.

Answer 7

Dummy, she's exerting control simply by telling you to take control. As I see it the only alternative you have is to tell her to hit the road. Maybe that will shock her, throw her off guard and you two can start over. Right now she has you pussy whipped, is that any way to live?

Answer 8

Nobody needs to be in control. Either do things together, make decisions together or not. After four years of her leading you by the nose, its obvious she has control, and wants to keep it. Dont let her abuse your kindness. Maybe its time (4 years later) for you to do for you.

Answer 9

She's keeping control by telling you to take control. Tell her it's not hers to dole out. A relationship is not like driving a car.

Answer 10

What does she want to take control of...specifically? Does she want you to ask her to marry you, but doesn't want to be the one who has to spell it out for you? Does she want you to be the take-charge-I'm-the-man kind of guy after four years of being Mr. Submissive? Sounds like this girl doesn't have a clue what she really wants.