does anyone know any good beer jokes?

Answer 1

2 guys out for a nite at the local tavern.
When it closed, they stopped at the liquoir store to get some beer for the road home.
Soon after opening their bottles of Bud, the driver noticed a cop car behind him with his lites on. Driver is freaking, what to do, what to do.
His buddy said, hey, no sweat. Just peel the label off the bottle, slap it on your forehead and tell the cop you're trying to quit drinking and you're on the patch.

Answer 2

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
SYMPTOMCAUSECORRECTIVE ACTION
Feet cold and wetGlass Being held at incorrect angle.Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wetImproper Bladder ControlStand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tastelessa. Glass empty.



b. You're holding a Coors LiteGet someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lightsYou have fallen over backward.Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashesYou have fallen forwardSee above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is weta. Mouth not open



b. Glass applied to wrong part of faceRetire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor BlurredYou are looking through bottom of empty glassGet someone to buy you another beer
Floor movingYou are being carried outFind out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually darkBar has closedConfirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and texturesBeer consumption has exceeded personal limitationsCover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Everyone looks up to you and smilesYou are dancing on the tableFall on someone cushy-looking
Beer is crystal-clearIt's water! Somebody is trying to sober you upDon't drink it
People are standing around bathroom stalls, talking or putting on makeupDo not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clearYou have been in a fightApologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're inYou've wandered into the wrong partySee if they have free beer
Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunka. You're in jail



b. You're in the navySleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chapsYou're in a gay barKeeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
Your singing sounds distortedThe beer is too weakHave more beer until your voice improves
Don't remember the words to the songBeer is just rightPlay air guitar

Answer 3

This years national beer convention was held in Winnepeg, afterward four beer executives decide to go out to the local pub 4 drinks. The CEO of Miller brewing goes to the bar and orders a MGD. The CEO of Anheuser Bush goes to the bar and orders A Bud Light. The CEO of Labatt Blue goes to the bar and orders a Labatt Blue Light. The CEO of Guinness goes to the bar and orders a Pepsi. When he returns to the table the other 3 CEO's ask him why he ordered a Pepsi? He simply replied "If you guys aren't going to drink real beer then neither am I"

Answer 4

Don't know about good, but...

Why does Budweiser go through you so fast?
Because it doesn’t have to change color.

This guy is drinking beer in the local pub. Each time the waitress asks him if he wants another beer he fishes a bit of paper out of his shirt pocket, and after looking at it and putting it back, he nods his head yes. After returning the paper to his pocket for the eleventh time the guy shakes his head and says, “No, I thhink I’v ad enufff”, and after paying, gets up unsteadily to leave. The waitress asks, “Hey what’s up with that paper in your pocket?”. “Oh tha’s a pissher of the Mississ, and wwhen she starss look’n good, I knoow iss time fer me to go”.

Answer 5

Why is light beer like making love in a canoe?
It's fu**ing close to water.

Answer 6

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into a bar, all of them order a pint at the same moment.

Amazingly, 3 flies come buzzing over and one lands in each of their beers.

The Englishman picks out the fly, throws it over his shoulder, and chugs his pint.

The Frenchman looks at the pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman grabs the fly by the wing, holds it over his pint and screams, "SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"

Answer 7

no, but I dated a beer joke once....

Answer 8

One of my favorite sayings is, "Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder." hehe

I think it's funny that looking thru my beer-goggles, the women look much better....lol

Answer 9

Coors light, its pretty much a joke in itself.