my husband has a child from a previous marriage he has been around me for almost a year and a half he is two?

Question

he is now two years old he has not seen his real mom but three to five times in the last year and a half. He calls me mom. my parents seem to have a problem with it I tell them that he is two and doesnt understand the difference because i have been his mom. i stay at home with him day and night and he is around me all the time. Its not like i force him to call me mom or anything. my husband said within time we will tell him the difference that i am not his real mom but that will be when he can understand it. his parents think we should just keep it like it is if he wants to call me mom that is fine but later we should tell him and that it will be his choice to call me mom. I dont know how to get through to my parents and then i dont know if I can take him calling me mom for years to come and then him not wanting to call me mom when he gets older. Broken hearted i will be if that happens . What should i do with my parents

Answer 1

Like they say any man cane make a baby, but it takes a real man to raise him, it works the same way for women. I have been raising my husbands daughter for 5 years now and she just started calling me mom. This little girl has not seen her BI. for 4 years. Now her biological mother found out she calls me mom and wants the little girl back, I'm broken hearted too, and scared but when the child is old enough to understand the difference of making a baby and loving a baby that child will make the right choice. I gave my situation to God and I don't care what anybody else thinks this little girl is my child and I am her mom. You my friend are that childs mom and you always will be, when he gets older he too will understand the difference and he will know in his heart that no matter what anybody says you have been there for him like a mom is supposed to be. Yes someday you are going to have to tell him the truth but I truelly believe that it won't change your relationship with him.
My husband is also raising my son from a previous relationship since he was a baby and one day he asked why he is so different in skin tone than the rest of the kids, when I explained my son cried a little, but then he looked at me and said "dad is my father" and even to this day he forgets that my husband is not his biological father, and I believe that is because my husband has been there since day one and has never treated him any different than the rest of our kids.
Don't worry Mama the Lord placed this child with you because he knew you were the right one and God don't make mistakes. Please don't worry about tomorrow cause it is not promised to no one enjoy your baby and teach him the best morals and values you can now and let God handle the rest.
Let your parent know that this is something that you will worry about later if you have to, but in the meantime you want to enjoy the here and now, all they can do is keep there opinions away from the babies ears. and support your decisions. You don't want them filling his head with any reasons to rebel. Please tell them that this subject is off limits for now.

Answer 2

First I want to tell you that you are a "real mom". Just because you didn't give birth to him doesn't mean anything. You're the one who takes care of him and is raising him so that makes you a mom. I'm a stepmom too so I have an idea of what you're going through. It's good that you plan to tell him about it when he's older but don't sell yourself short and if he should ever choose to call you by your name instead of mom, try not to worry about it because you are his mom and he will always know that. I'm sorry your parents have a problem with it but it has nothing to do with them. This is between you, your husband and your (step)child.

Answer 3

YOU are his MOM .. thats all the child knows or cares about at this point .. Now if the others are having a problem with that and IF your in open to it why not start addressing yourself as MUM.
That way when the child is older you will be able to explain he has a mom who gave birth to him but you have been his MUM all these years ..

Its just an idea .. a very hard call for you can understand the heatbreak your trying to avoid...go with your heart

Answer 4

I think that the First thing you should do is try to understand where your parents are coming from. Because we don't know them and you do, you know best why they are saying what they are saying. So, first step is to understand and come to terms with WHY they have the issue.

Second, it's very important to understand why many people educate and explain to folks why it's very important not to remarry when you have a child from a divorce. It creates many problems for the children (one of which you can see). You've already chosen to do it, so now it's VERY important to at least understand and then come to terms with why you shouldn't have.

Third, a "mom" isn't someone that carried a child in her womb. That would be the biological mother. Everyone knows in their heart what a "mommy" is, so there is no need to explain that any further.

Once you come to terms with/and understand all three of those things, you will know exactly how to discuss YOUR children with your family. Good luck and do the right thing!

Answer 5

Getting your parents' approval for everything you do is commendable. You show your love and respect to your parents by doing so. But there are instances when you have to do things your own way even over the objection of your parents, such as in this case with your 2-year-old stepson. You and your husband are the major parties in the life of this young boy, so please continue playing your part as well as you have been doing. I can see you have a kind and loving heart and if you care for this innocent kid and consider him like your own, the good Lord will reward you in His own way.

Don't be afraid that when he grows up he will stop calling you and treating you as his mother. As long as you know you are doing the right thing for him, that is enough. Don't worry about the future because that future for you and your stepson will absolutely be bright.

Answer 6

This kind of stuff just pi**es me off!!! The kid is 2!!!! Your parents need to butt out!!!!! Mind their damn buisness! You married a man with a child. And you must be a good person who is able to love for this child to call you mom! Thank god there are people like you! Where would some children be if they were disposeable? You are a Family!!! That is what FAMILIES do !!! What we leave behind....this child WILL BE A BETTER PERSON BECAUSE OF YOU!!!! someone doesn't understand that ? That is THEIR problem!!!!

Answer 7

Even though your parents don't agree, it is not their decision. This is between you, your husband and son. Because you are married to the child's father, that makes you one of his mothers. If he looks up to you and wants to call you mom let him. At the age of two you will only confuse him trying to get him to stop. It could even cause him to think that you don't like him. Children are more sensitive than we are. I do however believe that the child should be told when he is older but I seriously doubt that he will stop calling you mother as long as you show him the same love that you would show your own. I have a twelve year old son who lives with me. His father has remarried and he calls both of us mom. He knows that I'm his biological mother and his father's wife is his step mother but he still calls her mom when he is with them. I don't find a problem with this because she loves him and when he is with her she takes care of him the same as she does with her two children.

Just remember life is only as complicated as we make it at times.

Tell your parents that you appreciate their concern and you value their opinion but in this situation you cannot agree with it. Then politely let them know that you and your husband have made a decision that you feel is best for your family and you would like for them to respect that decision regardless of whether they agree or not.

Answer 8

You are his MOM, you may not be his mother but you are the one who is raising him. Your parents need to get over it. Enjoy the fact that he is calling you mom. You are the only one he has and he will understand later on. Tell your parents to accept it or stay out of your business. They must be very very closed hearted not to accept a child.

Answer 9

I think that what your doing is wonderful, My step children call me "mom" too, & I don't let anyone's opinion of this bother me, there older, & know I'm not their mother & it dosen't bother them in the least, they tell me all the time, that I'm the one who is mothering them & doing for them what a mother should & that they consider me as their mom, so, dont sweat it, I'm sure that little boy will love you just the same when he finds out your not his real mom. Keep up the good work, MOM !

Answer 10

Do your parents pay your bills? do they control you...tell them you love them and you appreciate their concern. They are getting worked up over a child. A child who is 2 yrs old. If you love your husband. and you are married. youmarried his situation. I applaud you..that is a very strong thing to do in Love.

The Child seems to know you as mommy even if you are not his mommy.

Love is thicker than blood.

Tell your parents to but out respectfully..and if they do not...tell them flat out that if they do not want to talk to you anymore, they can continue on that couse of criticizing you and your family dynamic.

in time, when he is older he will continue to call you mom..you will be his mom. since his real mom was not there. He will see that you are his mom. you are his nurturer.