my mom has this friend that is a guy but she went out with him and hes hurt my mom and I mine fisicly and right now he is getting help form a drinking problem and he is sending letters saying sorry for what he did and my mom is falling for it and she wants to go back out with him but I know that she is making a bad mistack. what do I do??
2006-08-26 11:15:38 · 18 answers · asked by ?HOTTIE? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well . . . I know this is hard to hear, but it really is her choice to make. That said, however, it's absolutely appropriate for you to let her know how you feel about it, and why. Just a few guidelines I have found helpful in talking to people in those kinds of situations:
1.) Be VERY respectful in the way you talk to her. "I can't believe how STUPID you're being" is probably not going to get you the results you want. Focus more on what you want for her as someone who loves her very much, and give her specific reasons why you feel this guy falls short.
2.) Ask her good, probing questions . . . the kind she should be asking herself. For example: Why do you want to be with this man? What is it that he has that you could not find in another man, without also dealing with his drinking problem and abuse? What are you afraid of losing if you lose him? How do you feel when you're with him, and how do you feel when you're not? Are you both better people when you're together than when you're apart, and in what ways?
3.) Affirm her. Think through some of the above questions yourself, and get a real vision for what YOU want for your mom. Share that with her. Tell her what you think she is worth. Sometimes when life is hard and people are having a hard time forming a vision for themselves, they really need the help of someone who loves them to see it.
4.) If after all that, she still wants to stay with him, maybe you can encourage her to set some boundaries to keep her safer. Like, see about getting him into AA, and her into Alanon (for friends and family of alcoholics). Maybe see about getting them into counseling, too . . . a lot of pastors at churches have degrees in counseling, and will do if for free if you are going to their church.
God bless you. It's sweet and wonderful that you love your mother so much and want to help her. She is very fortunate to have you in her life.
2006-08-26 11:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by Curly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is older and has been through more than you have so I think (I hope) that she will be better able to see through this line in a short time, keep yourself on high alert around this guy you don't have to give him an inch with you, keep a good relationship with your Mom, and sad to say constantly nagging her about her choices won't do it, I hate to say this but there is really nothing you can do to stop her, My grandmother used to tell me you can love the person, but hate the actions. and I am only referring to your mother, maybe if you need a closer person a counselor at school or church could be a plus if you need to get away, you can't trust a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol just be Leary and safe. I am not trying to scare you It sounds like your mother is a caring person, and in time things like this work them self out. Adults also make crazy choices in "love" With your maturity and concern for your Mom anyone would be proud to have you for a daughter Best of Luck to both of you.
2006-08-26 18:38:40 · answer #2 · answered by malraene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to know that you are watching your mom go through this. Have you tried reverse psychiatry? Take her situation and say that you work with someone that is going through it. What should that girl do? Your mom might just give you the answer. If not just be open with her and sensitive.
Of course if nothing works, let her find out on her own. She is an adult.
2006-08-26 18:20:32 · answer #3 · answered by Redina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well baby, you don't need to do anything, I know that she is your moma but your mother is old enough to handle her situation with this guy if she gets tired of his drinking problem and whatever else he is doing, she will move on. I know that you see this is a bad mistake she is falling for but in time if it want work out for her she will take a next step. You can only say so much to your mother, yes she will listen to your opinions but it is up to her to make the move. Good Luck to you and your mother.
2006-08-26 18:20:22 · answer #4 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mom about how you feel. Remind her of what this person did to hurt you both. Tell her that someone with a drinking problem will be more difficult to deal with. From what I've seen, it will be hard for the other person to quit entirely. Tell her how much she means to you and that you don't want to go back to this. Tell her it's dangerous. Tell her she can do better.
2006-08-26 18:21:13 · answer #5 · answered by b's wife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I hate to tell you this, but it won't matter what you say, your mom will have to find out for herself. I know you want to help her, but she's falling for his b.s. and she will NOT listen. No matter what. Unless you can convince her to talk with a therapist to see why she is into these guys, I don't know what you can do. That is what it is going to take to reach her. Good luck
2006-08-26 18:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your mom bout how you feel, call child protective services and tell them bout the situation, your life and your moms may be in danger if you let this guy in your house, he's not related to you, he might hurt you you know, and so call 911, don't be scare, if you love your mom then do it call, you have to becareful if your mother can't be responsible well then you take control ok, she's got to listen to you and love you more than that guy! write back so I can give you more advice ok! take care
2006-08-26 18:20:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her and tell her you are in no way shape or form trying to kep her from being unhappy because she deserves it, but let her know how you feel. Usually your parents are going to ultimately do what they want because they are the adult and you are the child, but your opionion is very important to them when they are in a relationship because you are involved totally as her child.
2006-08-26 18:19:13 · answer #8 · answered by I'M BOSSY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit tight Sweetheart, it might be a rough ride... you can't convince your mom, she knows best even if she is wrong :-( ... Sorry but that's how life and love is. Just be there for her 'if' it all goes wrong and tell her how much you love her... good luck T
2006-08-26 18:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by tom p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are, and my answer would probably change depending on your age.
The only thing I can advise is to find the phone number of a local battered women's shelter and call them to ask for advice.
Best of luck to you.
2006-08-26 18:23:50 · answer #10 · answered by q_midori 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋