my mother is a very conservitive person. she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. My boyfriend, which i have been seeing for almost a year, and I, had recently decided to take that next step in our relationship, and have sex. my mother deserves the right to know, but i don't know how to tell her without hurting her feeling and making her too dissapointed in me.Any suggestions?
2006-08-26 10:48:28 · 19 answers · asked by sadie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm really hoping your at least 16 years old, because anything earlier is just too soon. I am also very much hoping this boy is younger than 18, if you are under 18, because that could be stat rape.
However, you have already done it and there is no going back, so don't have any regrets. If I were you, I would tell my mother. However, considering her beliefs you do need to be careful.
If he is over 18 or over and you are younger 18, you definitely need to consider the fact that your mother could claim stat rape, whether or not you say you consented. A long legal process could ensue and ruin your relationship with you boyfriend and your mother. If this is your case, I wouldn't tell your mother. I would suggest you going to a close planned parenthood, getting information and take precaustions against unwanted pregnancies and STDs.
However, if your boyfriend is the same age as you, I think you should tell your mother. She needs to understand that her beliefs might very well not be your beliefs, and she can't force ethics onto you.
She might try and punish you, in which case you should NOT lose your control and begin yelling her and telling her she is being unfair. This will prove to her you are a child and definitely not old enough to be having sex. If she decided to punish you for some reason, you should remind her that you have already had sex and punishing you will not bring back your virginity, or change your belief about sex before marriage.
Explain to her that you respect her beliefs on not having sex before marriage, but that you feel it is a personal choice. Also, make sure you tell her that you know her beliefs and you knew she would be upset, and yet you still decided to be honest and open with her because you respect her and you want to be safe in your decision to have sex. Tell her you want to begin seeing your gynocologist, perhaps get birth control and be responsible about your decision. Let her know that you did not come to the decision to have sex lightly (which I sincerely hope is true), but you decided that it was the right time and you did it with someone you love (which I also hope is true).
I think if you take these steps with your mom, she will slowly but surely respect your decision to engage in intercourse with your boyfriend. She may not approve of it, but you are your own person and that is a personal choice....she cannot have control of every aspect of your life.
Just handle the situation with maturity. Definitely do not yell at her or become upset. You need to keep your calm, no matter what your mothers reaction. Hopefully she will be reasonable and see that you are a human being with choices. And that this choice has been already made, so there is no much she can do!
Good luck!!
P.S. If she does go off the deep end and punish you or something, perhaps tell her that her reaction deeply upsets you, because you tried to be honest and open with her, but instead you were punished for a personal choice that has little to do with her. Gently tell her that it only proves you cannot be honest with her. This always worked with my mother when I stated the above respectfully.
2006-08-26 11:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by rachael b 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how old are the two of you?if you come up pregnant will the both of you be ready for parenthood?this is something you both need to think about.once you become pregnant it will no longer be a secret your mother will eventually find out and that may lead to some questions you may not want to answer.once the two of you become parents will both of you be ready for it?that is a question you both need ask yourselves.by having sex at a young age you are putting yourself in a position you may both regret later so be sure you are ready for what comes next if the point is reached you come up pregnant.this is a serious matter and you can't just walk away from it so be ready for everything that comes with it or you may find yourselves wishing you had taken more time to decide upon the matter.
2006-08-26 18:06:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't state your age but here goes. If you are over 18, living on your own then you do not have to tell mom. If you are under 18 and still living at home then tell her. Be honest.If you and boyfriend are not taking precautions stop at once before you get pregnant or catch a disease. Your mom may not like hearing about it but she loves you so she'll find a way to deal with it.
2006-08-26 17:53:15 · answer #3 · answered by Precious Gem 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you?, if you are under age than i'll say she's got the right to know. If you are an adult, then, she's done with her job.
She did with you all that she could. Don't worry, is done, and I am sure you are going to do it again and again. Nothing can reverse it now.
Try to follow wise people advices, your mother's are the examples you can follow, but, nobody can force you to. Be smart.
2006-08-26 18:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is a kind reasonable person, find a quiet, personal time and place to have a heart to heart talk with her. She may be able to help guide you. Sex is not a four letter word. It is sacred. It should be done in marriage. It creates life. There is a lot of responsibility involved.
2006-08-26 18:01:30 · answer #5 · answered by catrina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Um, assuming you're both consenting adults, why does mom need to know? Really, it's none of her business until you decide to tie the knot with someone.
I don't think parents need to know the details of everything you do with every person you date! Why bring it up and offend her? Again, I can't stress this enough, but as long as we're talking about two adults, your sexuality is your business and yours alone!
2006-08-26 17:53:57 · answer #6 · answered by th3_0n3_r1ng 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? I believe that if you are young... you should talk to your mom about this big step in your life.... I talk about special things like this with my mom.... but she was very open with me and gave me the tools to protect myself... If you do or don't protect yourself... You really do not want to suprise your mom with a baby!!
2006-08-26 18:04:09 · answer #7 · answered by blaquesazzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try telling her about your bf and if she would get mad at you if you tell her something bad then just let it on her lightly by like saying that you know this girl that sex with a guy and they weren't married yet what would she say if she was the mother of the daughter.
2006-08-26 17:55:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please its a humble request don't go for sex before marriage, you will yearn for your virginity later. believe me your boy will take you for granted once he has used you and boys look upon girls once they have shed clothes. After that you will have no value in his eyes And also in front of your mom. Don't betray your mom.......stick to just one thought that you will keep yourself ..your soul and your body just for one man who will be your hubby, do what you like with your hubby but not boyfriend.
Rest is up to you. I just told you what i felt is right for you.
2006-08-26 20:58:27 · answer #9 · answered by aarzooji a 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your mom loves you and only wants what's best for you. and you may break up with your boyfriend tommorrow, but you mom will always be your mom and she will love you no matter what. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will wait until you find a way to tell your mom.
2006-08-26 17:55:11 · answer #10 · answered by Alesig 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋