When I'm single my sex drive is always really high, I feel sexy and enjoy flirting, being provocative and sex itself. I tend to go from relationship to relationship, a lot of the time they start as affairs, or relationships with work partners with very little emotional involvement at all. I want to have sex almost constantly and am very adventurous! However, it seems as soon as I start to get close to someone, discover that I actually like them as a person and feel emotionally involved and it seems like the relationship could really go somewhere- my sex drive just completely disappears. I just don't feel like having sex with people once I've developed a proper relationship with them. Its a real problem because it keeps ruining the relationships with the people I really want to work out, the people I really love. Why doe sthis happen? Is there something I can do about it- I don't want to only be able to enjoy sex with people I don't care about! Help please. Thanks.
2006-08-26 09:59:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmmm thats a hard one! I think sometimes it is easier to let go and do whatever you want in bed with someone you dont know very well and once you really like someone you get worried and self concious.. you might not feel so confident and liberated as you do when you are just in it for yourself.. you actually care about and want to please this person,,, there is a pressure there that was never there before.... that might in some ways put you off sex.. I wish I had some magic method to get rid of the problem for you but I have no idea... If you find a good one thugh let me know!!
2006-09-01 03:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could very well be a couple of different things. It could be that you find the act of the "chase" to be the most exhilirating part of the relationship. It could be just the natural waning of pheremones as your relationship progresses.
I, too, feel a sudden drop in sex drive once I start settling into a relationship. But, what I have come to realize, is that as long as I put in the effort, I still, and my partner, still have a very satisfying sex life.
2006-08-30 03:49:26 · answer #2 · answered by Genevieve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree that it is somehow related to your feelings about commitment. It MAY be due to the messages your parents gave you about adult relationships (wish I knew how old you are, but will assume you are under 31).
Your parents may never have divorced, but I bet they gave you mixed messages about commitment & adult LOVE.
I think you REALLY want a good, positive, strong, loving relationship, but somewhere in your head the way you see this has got confused. Hence you enjoy sex, but not when any commitment is involved (if it's any consolation, I'm the opposite!).
A good pschoanalyst may help, look around for one & have a good think about how your parents viewed their relationship & communicated thier experiencees to you as a child.
For example, did the things your mother & father said to you about their own relationship seem very different or in contrast?
Good luck, Love & Light, FB.
2006-09-01 13:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by fruitbat7711 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i imagine you wore her out ... 3 situations a nighttime for 365 days is an undesirable lot of condoms! She's settled into the relationship now and would not see the choose for sex each and anytime you do ... perhaps she necessary the drink to provide her the braveness in the first position. confer mutually with her and do not throw a tantrum if she would not positioned as a lot importance on sex as you of route do ... i don't have tantrums with my missus, I in basic terms discover different how you may relieve the itch!
2016-11-27 23:24:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. The thrill of the chase is gone.
2. When you are with someone you know and are close to you no longer feel the need to prove yourself.
3. Fear of commitment.
4. Fear of rejection.
5. You are a man and can not help it.
6. Your upbringing is picking away at your sun-conscious.
2006-09-02 22:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kinda the same way. When there is no commitment, it is free and fun. When you know your sex partner, AS A PERSON, then it can be compared to having sex w/ a sibling. I have read before that if you view sex as "dirty" or "bad," then you don't want to do that "dirty act" to a person you really like. Your problem is very deep and imbedded. You might check into how sex was viewed while you were growing up.
2006-08-26 10:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps it is just human nature. You want things when they are not readily available, but once you can have as much as you want then you don't want it.
It did come out of a study in the last couple of weeks that it is quite normal for a woman's libido to drop once she is married (or in long term relationship).
2006-09-02 14:17:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps You s hould try only having sex in a proper relationship then,however boring that sounds.
2006-09-01 17:45:43 · answer #8 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you are subconsciously worried about what a potential mate might think of you if you are too sexual, like he might think you are too "slutty" - which in my mind is a good thing ;-) - and not want you, so you tone down your sexuality.
I think it has something to do with the Madonna/whore complex that is burdened upon women. When you are single it is okay to enjoy yourself and be wanton, when you fall in love you are supposed to be Suzy Homemaker and not be that sexy, wonderfully slutty woman you can be when you are single. You're now supposed to be "a lady".
It's BS, but it's common in our patriarchical society where men have oppressed women to protect themselves from their own male insecurities. Men have been taught to get a respectable girl for a wife and it's okay to play with "slutty" women. Men want to have wild sex with a whore, but they want to marry a Madonna. They want to have fun with a sexually liberated woman, but want to marry a virgin so that they don't have to worry about being compared to former lovers. This line of crap has been fed to women by men for thousands of years to protect the fragile and jealous male ego.
You even see it on this forum. A woman asks a sex question and she gets called a "skank". A man is applauded for being sexually active and "conquering" as many women as he can. It's a sick and twisted perception of life and relationships.
Be comfortable with yourself and your sexuality and don't worry about what the other person thinks. If they don't like you for who you are, then you don't need them. You'll never be happy with them and you'll end-up resenting them for wanting you to be someone you are not. There are plenty of men out there that want to marry the sex goddess of their dreams.
2006-08-26 23:07:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you actually identify with the person after you get to know them and this turns you off, you need to be with someone that's more different than you.
2006-08-29 20:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by goof 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋