Am I paranoid?

Question

My step daughter is 5'1 and weighs maybe 90lbs, she is fifteen. She constantly hits herself and says that she is fat. I know that a negative body image is relatively normal for her age, but she seems angry all the time and out of control. I think she is suffering from anorexia, but her mom says no she is fine, just mad at something. Why won't she at least talk to her dr just to make sure? I try not to over step my boundaries, but she passed out the other day, and frankly, I am scared for her health. Any advice on if this sounds like a problem or how to handle it?

I have tried to talk to her myself, but she just starts yelling that she's not crazy, which I know is her way, at 15, to defend herself. She is dating a boy and they are way too serious for her age, but also, she refuses to talk to me or her mom and refuses to go for birth control. There is alot going on with her, I just want to help. Me and her mom are really good friends now, which has developed over time with taking care of the kids, but I know that this is a very touchy area.

Answer 1

You are a good person for worring about her. When she is with you talk to her about her weight issues. Let her know that if she has any problems she can come to you for help. Get some books for her about anorexia and about healthy body images for girls. good luck.

Answer 2

How to Help a Loved One with an Eating Disorder:

Approach the person privately when there is enough time to seriously discuss the issue.

Offer your observations in a caring but direct manner. Try to be as specific as you can regarding your observations and concerns.

Tell the person you are worried and would like them to seek help.

Encourage the person to express their feelings openly and listen intently. Do not be judgmental instead ask questions about what was expressed.

Do not argue with the person as to whether or not they have an eating disorder - this will not help. Emphasize that you have heard their feelings and be compassionate. Re-focus on your concerns and fears and indicate that you do not feel things will change without intervention.

Gather information and resources for eating disorder treatment. Present the information to your friend or loved one. Further, express the desire to be of help. Ask them to at least see a professional once before making a "snap judgment" on treatment.

In some cases there is concern that the disorder has reached a life-threatening stage. If the disorder has reached this point enlist mental health professionals who can help you intervene. Stand united and confront the victim strongly and compassionately. Also, if a person is suicidal make sure you get professional help immediately.

Denial is frequently part of the illness, so expect that anger and refusals to seek help may present themselves. You cannot force someone into treatment you can only express your concerns and observations. This scenario may leave you feeling frustrated, angry or helpless. Remember that you can always broach the subject in the future. Let your friend or family member know that if your concerns continue that you would like to discuss the issue with them again and DO IT!

Tell yourself that you have done what you can do. Realize that approaching the subject with your friend/loved one has opened the door to further discussions. These discussions may be more open, honest and may lead to treatment. One can only attempt to intervene but realize that the most effective form of treatment will involve the sufferer wanting and accepting the help provided.

Remember there is hope, there is help.....seek it for yourself if necessary.

Answer 3

Sh'es a little thin, not particularly unusual for a 15-yr-old... but she passed out! That's a bad sign!

She seems angry all the time, out of control... again, basically normal for a 15-yr-old girl... but she hits herself! Another bad sign!!! BIG RED FLAG!!

Does she eat? do you actually witness her sitting and eating a meal? If so, then I wouldn't worry quite so much about possible anorexia, but the anger, the self-hate, self-abuse, I'd be more worried about possible depression.

Do some research, talk to a doctor or psychiatrist about it, explain the situation, see if there's anything you c an do to help her.

Express your concerns to your wife (your step-daughter's mom), she's probably got more authority over your daughter (legally). Let her know that you're worried about the kid's health- physical AND emotional. Tell her what you've found out. Ask her to at least take the girl into a specialist for testing.

Best of luck!!!

Answer 4

Well her mom is going to think that she is fine, because it is natural for moms to think that there is nothing wrong with their kids. So it is great that she has a step mom that can face reality.
Don't talk to her about it. I am a 15 year old girl. and 15 year old girls dont talk to their parents about anything, espesially personal things such as this.
You need to do something. Maybe cook her favorite (large) meal. If she doesn't eat it, you know that something is wrong. But her mom will still probably be in denial. And she probably wont try the same things to figure it out for herself, because she doesn't want to know that something is wrong with her daughter. Try to catch this before she starts dramatically losing weight, because once she gets into this process it is hard to get her out of it. And anerexia is a very serious illness.

But whatever you do, don't keep questioning her about it. I am 5' 6 and 100 lbs I also take dance lessons. I have been acussed of being annorexic ALOT and it really irritates me. And you don't want to make her mad or upset if she is going through all of this.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

I found it interesting that you didn't mention her father. This IS a matter between him and his daughter's mother, unfortunately, and there's not much you can do aside from reporting them to Child Protective Services for neglect, which I'm sure you don't want to do.

Go here and calculate you'r stepdaughter's BMI:
http://nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm

Now share it with your husband, tell him your concerns (passing out, hitting herself, belittling herself), and demand that he take some steps to help her. Instead of focusing on the weight issues, focus on what's behind it.

If you can find a 'right' time, see if you can get your stepdaughter to either talk to you about things. Offer a shoulder...a soft place to fall if she needs it, and make sure she knows you will not judge her or think she's bad.

Good luck to you...and you should be commended for being concerned about her.

BTW, many parents...especially those with shared custody and who work full time....are defensive about anything being 'wrong with their child'...because they feel guilty. It's almost impossible for them to hear you say anything that will make them feel like a worse parent than they already feel like. Just keep that in mind when you interact with either of her parents. You are a middle person and that's really tough! God Bless.

Answer 6

For her height and age, she is slightly underwieght. If she's passing out due to things like not eating, she definitely needs to see a doctor.

It's hard to interfere, because you can't really say anything to the mom without her getting defensive. She'll take whatever you say as if you know what's better for her daughter than she does. Maybe talk to your step-daughter yourself, or talk to a counselor at school, and see if they can talk to her. Sometimes that'll help.

Answer 7

You have the right to scared your step-daughter is anorexic she only weighs 90 pounds?! thats not good at all her normal healthy weright is 110 or around there I am also 15 and I weigh normal weight, your step-daughter should def. go see a dr and fast

Answer 8

Gawd I hate peer pressure,but does she seem preoccupied with a boy at school ? Perhaps she is reacting to an assumed or perceived rejection. Whose yard stick is she using and why ?

Answer 9

She needs to see a Dr

Answer 10

She needs to go to a doctor. If her mother won't take her, then you & her father should! Don't wait for her problems to get way out of hand.