how do i explain to my mom that i do not want to show her my poetry, songs, essays, etc. because....?

Question

they are very personal, and sometimes depressing, and they often express and reveal my deepest darkest secrets. she gets mad when i don't show her.
how do i tell her AND GET HER TO UNDERSTAND that i do not have to show her everything that some things are just personal?

Answer 1

Honey, teenagers don't like it, and they fight against it, but teenagers really don't have rights to privacy within a family. A parent who really loves their children will do ANYTHING, including pissing the teenager off, in order to provide protection and guidance. The teen years are a time when kids are faced with making difficult, and often destructive decisions. A parent who really cares about them will do whatever it takes, including violating their "privacy" to make sure they aren't getting themselves into trouble. If you were MY child, and I thought you were dealing with depressing issues, I would want to be able to help you deal with that. You might not need counseling, but you do need an open relationship with the people who love you most to help guide you through these years. If you close off from your mom, it sends her the message that you have secrets and that you are in trouble. Teenage secrets are usually destructive. I know you don't like this answer, but try to see it from the perspective of a parent who loves their daughter.

Answer 2

You have a choice. You can show her your e-mail and tell her that it isn't that you don't love her, or don't trust her, but that some things are just too personal to share, especially when you are still working through them.
OR
You can tell her they are works in progress and your creative writing coach (me) says you should never show people unfinished work. This is true, actually. If someone reads material that is still in draft form, they'll either think you aren't a very good writer (because you haven't yet revised, rewritten and polished your work) or they will jump in with 'corrections' and 'suggestions' that will turn the work away from the path it is leading you through. Then it becomes, whether you like it or not, a collaboration. And that isn't always what you want.
So write what you will, put it away, and tell her when it's ready for publication she can see it.

And if she doesn't understand either of those scenarios, she's just going to have to stay mad, because sometimes the only way to work through things is to write them out.

I often do that in my own writing -- start with something I've experienced, heard or seen, work through it, change it around a bit, then use it in my books, but by the time I've finished with it, no one recognizes it as a something that began as a real-life situation.
Good luck to you - keep writing, and don't let her feelings get you down. Separating yourself from total maternal domination is just a part of growing up, and she doesn't like losing control of her 'little girl'.

Answer 3

Explain to her that your poetry is like your diary. If that doesn't work, then create some less personal poetry for her to see or "find" so she feels involved in your life. You should be happy that your mom is asking to see your stuff, that she takes an interest in what is important to you, but you are right that you have a right to privacy. Does your mom keep a journal or diary? Explain to her that you don't need to know some details about her, such has her sex life. She probably wouldn't want to share them anyway and that's her choice. Maybe giving her an example she can relate to will help her see that you're not shutting her out of your life, you just want to keep some things to yourself.

Answer 4

Just be straight up w/ her and tell her that your work reflects something so personal she may not understand it herself. Tell her in a way so it wont hurt her feelings either. That's good to know your mom shows interest in what you do...that's good parenting, but tell her you appreciate her interest and everything, but for now, you would like to keep these things to yourself, at least for now. Tell her u are a true artist, and explain that Picasso am sure did not show his best work to everyone...that's why its so valuable now. Well good luck w/ that

Answer 5

I would want my children to share their thoghts and writings with me. I also don't hold anything against them, or make them feel bad about any choices they may have made. I often give them my opinon on things. Maybe you can come to an agreement with your mother. Try letting her know your writings are just writings and if you were to be open with her, that you don't want to be looked down upon because of any information in them. Ask if she wouldn't mind if you kept a few personnel ones to yourself, once you have shared some.

Answer 6

Compromise. My mother was like that and it drove me nuts. I wrote about alot of my personal experiences and thoughts that she didn't necessarily need to know all the details about... so, I compromised by picking out a few that were okay for her to read and kept the others put away. That ended up working out just fine.

Answer 7

Tell her that they are personal to you and that you feel unconfortable showing your writing to her. Explain to her that if you want her opinion on a certain poem you will show her but for right now you're not confortable. She will understand, she was your age once... :) good luck.

Answer 8

Just tell her everything you said on here! It is perfect! Say, you have some things you just keep to your self and so do I. and this is something I dont feel like showing to the world...

Answer 9

Just be honest with her. If she doesn't understand, it's not your fault. Keep your personal stuff private but feel free to share other things with her. Then maybe she won't feel like she's being left out of your life.

Answer 10

She should understand and respect your privacy. Just sit down with her and talk. Straighten some things out. You might want to show her one or two poems or songs just to keep her happy.