how do i get over a death of my brother he was only 29 with 3 small children?

Question

i can sleep.My son is 16 and i am to scared to let him drive.its been a year and 1 month since he died.

Answer 1

If you want to recover and heal you have to allow yourself to go through all the stages of the grieving/loss process. If you shut down to it, the process will linger on and on and on. There is the denial, the anger, the depression, and a lot of feelings that you need to let surface before you can be free to fully accept the loss. I have found that using a journal that you keep private, for your eyes only, in which to let everything you feel rip onto the page can help a lot. Don't let the loss of your brother make a prisoner of your son. Then you will be faced with a very different kind of loss. I wish you well.

Answer 2

My son was killed in a car accident at 14, so I speak with some authority on this topic.

First you don't ''get over it.'
You change.

What you can do about your fear of letting your son drive is to make sure he has the best defensive driving education.

With my younger son, we talk about defensive driving constantly whenever we are in the car.

I would highly recommend some grief counseling for you if you are not going.

It is very easy to get stuck, and since you are at the place where 'shock' has worn off you are really going to feel the physical aspects of grief now.

Don't be afraid to tell your son, I really miss my brother, it ripped my heat out when he was killed, I really need to feel safe with you on the road.

Ultimately, and unfortunately, there is only so much we can control, and that is the hard part.

You cant know what will happen. You will always worry, as will I. I make sure my son calls me often etc, and tell him it is because I worry and he knows why I worry.

My best advice it to be very, very honest with your son.

That being said, if he is not showing the signs of maturity to drive, then don't let him.

Explain to him, not only will you not knowingly let you worry more than you would anyway, but he also does not have the right to put other peoples lives in danger and do that to them, much less his own life.

Sorry for you loss!

Answer 3

First of all, you never "get over it". You grieve, this is important to do so you don't end up suppressing those feelings. There are many support groups, funeral homes that have grief counceling, and therapy. You may even need some medication temporarily to help the process, and to be able to sleep at night. You can't live your life in fear of losing another loved one. There are many churches also that can help those grieving, prayer is a powerful thing, but I don't push that belief onto others, it is your choice. If you find yourself crying often, not making sense to others, or maybe being a little irrational, these are common and perfectly okay, but you should seek some type of help to get you through the most difficult time. Speaking from experience here, there are others out there that have or still are going through the same thing. My father dropped massive heart attack, unexpectedly, only at 50. Two years and alot of therapy later, here I am, still living day to day. My dad left 9 children behind, 4 of which were still under 18, with 5 different mothers to have to help their children through this. I know what your going through and nothing takes the pain away. There are just ways to help you deal, and to move on in your life, and to remember in the most constructive ways. This is not for you to forget, but to remember and properly deal with. I am so sorry for your loss, good luck, I hope things work out for you and your family.

Answer 4

I say dont take it out on your son by not letting him drive. Just let him know how to be a good driver so he will be safer. You could die doing anything. Even sitting at home. but I know must be horrible. Nobody can ever really get over the deaths of the people they love....Thats just how it is. Remember the happy times and it will help heal the pain.

Answer 5

You'll never get over it but you'll learn to live with it. Will take a good while. Don't hold yer son back because of yer brother. That's neither fair nor sensible.

Be an important person for yer nephews/nieces and tell them about their dad. As long as you and they are around, he's still alive in a way.

Answer 6

You can not stop your son from growing older and it is not his fault your brother died. Let your son be who he can be. It is better to have lived than to not have lived at all. Look at the great things you and your brother had and that you still remember. Your memory is keeping his spirit alive. I am sure your brother would not want you to stop your son from growing up.

Answer 7

honey you will never get over the loss of a loved one. you just learn to survive. Maybe you should try talking to GOD I'm not all the into religion but my husbands mother lost her husband like 12 yrs ago in an accident and she is still coping with the loss. just have Faith it works for her.

Answer 8

You will never actually get over him but just try to remember that he was your brother and make sure the kids are doing fine. Death is hard to deal with sometimes, but it is part of life. We have to accept the fact that the one's closest to us will die just as we will one day.

Answer 9

Let God take control of the situtation. Tell the Lord, it is your problem now. He will keep your son safe. Do not worry but have faith in him. He can do all things.

Answer 10

Sorry for your loss. I loss my mother 2 years ago the only thing that git me through was my faith in Jesus. Turn to him he will give you closer and peace.