My boyfriend got mad at me Thursday because I went out for coffee at 6:30 in the afternoon with a female friend. He said I was choosing her over him. He got in front of my car and wouldn't let me leave. Then he called me a whore and spit in my face. We have been together for 5 and 1/2 years. We have broken up on numerous occasions, always because of his abusive, controlling behavior. The last time we broke up, I told him I would not see him again. I agreed to give it another shot if he agreed to go to counseling. We have seen the counselor twice. Has anyone had any experiences like this? Did counseling help? Or am I wasting my time? He seems to think his behavior is forgivable. I don't.
2006-08-26 06:54:53 · 14 answers · asked by Christine E 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Counseling can help, but only if people are willing to work at it. Often, but not always it is not likely an abusive person will change. Change will not happen overnight, it can take years. A person may learn to control hitting, name calling etc., but may remain manipulating and controlling. Good luck I wish both of you well.
2006-08-26 07:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by whatshisface 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At first I was thinking No get out of his life.
However there is obviously a problem there, youve been together for a long time so there is obviously an attraction and also lots of good times.
If he continues to go to counselling then yes stay with him, but if he stops going or the aggression continues, then tell him to hit the road and also you should then move, so he cant get to you
there must be a reason for the aggression
I guess he is either an only child, has no mother, has siblings that are much better than him or has been treated bad in a previous relationship. I'd say its more female related, ie grew up with his dad as the mother and father figure.
2006-08-26 07:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.. i've nvr been in this situation, but i've talked to many of my female friends who were in this scenerio.. That the guy was just jealous or perhaps insecure, that he tries to "secure" you by force. My advice? Relationship is based upon trust and confidence. If that is not the foundation of it, than i suggest not having it. Its not about ego when going see counsellor, but rather the effectiveness. Think about it, counsellors can only give a temporary solution. Best is to start with a mutual trust and agreement between both partners before going into the relationship, that you'll put him/her first in no matter what you do. Well, if you think that 5 1/2 years will be wasted if you forgo the relationship, but i tell you its not. Remember the times where you two had fun and joy. Had each other, had love. It was not wasted. But rather, perhaps, now is the time to look inside and reflect upon the kind of relationship that you want. (: Mutual trust and understanding and agreement. (:
2006-08-26 07:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by vicks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation as you are in. I finally moved away from my boyfriend, and after a year I moved back which was a suprise. and not intentionaly to get back together. Yet we are back together now. I only got back together with him if he promised to change things from the way things had been before. In my opinion and from experiance, you two are too attatched to eachother. He is way too controlling because you need to have a life as well as he does outside of eachother. Seperation would be the best thing. It would be very hard, but if you can get away I would. Think of the friends you may have lost since you two began your relationship. I honestly dont think counseling is going to change how he is. The only way that is going to change him, like it changed my boyfriend, is seeing what he has lost over a long period of time. Good luck!
2006-08-26 07:02:19 · answer #4 · answered by s..... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm sounds like jealously, or control buff...Get out while your a head. Its hard after 5 1/2 years, but you need to get away from him and find out for yourself. If he thinks he knows the answers-WRONG! This happens to a wide group, believe it or not. Councilling, I think not... Do not know both sides of story..Can only guess your side..It is time you maybe moved on or resolve the situation by parting for awhile and then if he can prove his true innerself, then you will have an answer-to many women are abused due to jealous boyfriends, which can cause bigger problems down the road-take a break from him for awhile and see what happens....:) :)
2006-08-26 07:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by tombowling49 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get away from this creep ASAP. I don't know where you live, but in California spitting on someone is considered assault. Getting in front of your car to keep you from leaving would be another criminal charge. I would suggest you get counseling on your own to get away from him, and make a police report of the spitting/leaving incident so they have a record on him if he does anything to you in the future. Calling you names is abuse. You need to find out why you have spent over 5 years with this guy. Trust me, your relationship with him will not get better, and his behavior will escalate to beating you and possibly killing you. Good luck.
2006-08-26 07:09:07 · answer #6 · answered by gator girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK., this is it, you got to get him out of your life. He is an immature a..hole, spitting etc. is not acceptable. Your not a door mat, but trust me, if you keep him, you'll be one. Counselling will not help him, he's a repeated offender, let him go. He seems like a guy who will give you problems after a break up, idiots are like that. So, get ready::: you might have to call the police or eventually get a restraining order. He's that sort.
2006-08-26 07:05:41 · answer #7 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you can't forgive him then it isn't worth your time. I think that you have spent too much time already. Honey, you need counseling so that you can work on your self esteem. For get him... You deserve to be treated much better than that. Why would you let someone spit in your face, and then want to give them another chance.... Leave before it gets really violent.
2006-08-26 07:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, his behavior is totally unacceptable and you DONT deserve it. I would try the counseling with him and make sure he agrees to going. His bahavior could get better, I know lots of ppl that have changed after counseling. But if he doesnt seem to be making any progress, its his own fault b/c no one can help him if he isnt subject to change. So if he isnt willing, DONT be willing to stay. I hope things work out for you. Good luck and God bless!
2006-08-26 07:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by sweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you a gluten for punishment? Do you enjoy being treated like that? If the answer is no, then why wait for some miracle to happen. The guy will not change, you need to be the one to make a change for yourself. Get rid of the guy, get some self confidence and find a man who is treats you the way you want to be treated, the way you would treat yourself!!!!!!
He's a loser and not worth one more second of thought!
2006-08-26 07:01:17 · answer #10 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋