How to travel lightly?

Question

As you grow older you get more experience in love and relationships, but the baggage builds up as well - do you find relationships get easier, or is the opposite true?

Answer 1

Depends if your self awareness increases with age. Baggage doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's what makes us all human.

Answer 2

I think it can get lighter or heavier !

One certainly gets better at understanding, communication and are able to have a better view of the big picture. One also grasps a better idea of when it will be difficult to make things work out.

It also depends on the ability / willingless of the significant other to also be understanding, communicate, know what's important.

I think like anything it also depends on shared values, bonds, activities backgrounds, interests etc. If two partners are wildly different then the relationship becomes more dependent upon good communication.

Exorcising ones past bagage is also good, ultimately one has to remember that the person you are with is a choice. If they left you then it probably saved a good few wasted years of dull relationship, it doesn't mean that you are invalid in any way. If you left somebody because you couldn't be with them etc then nobody kept you there longer than needed except you, unless your relationship was in prison !!! One is responsible for ones own actions !

Baggage often comes from resentment, which happens when something that one expected was not delivered by somebody, a mismatch of expectations that is all !! Find somebody where you can satisfy each others expectations.

If baggage has dented an ego best thing is to get over it, we are all the same but different. Remember it is only an opinion, is it going to be important in a year, 5 years ,20 years etc.

Answer 3

If you find another relationship then one replaces the other (I don't mean that in a mean way). The problem is getting into another relationship. To get that you need to sit down and make a list of the things you can talk about, and a list of the things (your past relationships) you should not talk about. Review the list till you have it down pat. Do like a telemarketer does, sell yourelf and review the "yeah buts" (their negative responses). Eventually you'll figure out what other people don't want to hear.
Reach outside of your comfort zone and do nice things you never thought about in the past, for the person you want to date.

Learn new things, new sports, new dances, do new research so that you'll have lots to talk about. And you need to read up on how to counter their comments that history repeats itself.

Maybe it's like a resume, you drop the short ones from the list, and find ways to say good things about the long term ones, excluding the names.

In response: relationships get more difficult as time goes on, with or without baggage.

Answer 4

when you get older, the baggage becomes what you are looking for. The relationship becomes about telling stories about the baggage, comparing baggage, and accepting the other person as a package deal... baggage and all.

Answer 5

Easier, I think. With maturity comes security. Women are self-reliant and lose that old cliche that society places on us that says we need a man to take care of us. Men stop looking for their mothers and realize that a woman can indeed be a friend. Our past pains make us more resilient to new hurts. Sure, it hurts, but we get over it much more quickly and move on. Or we simply decide that we don't need someone else to make us whole. I despise that term "better half" or "other half." Even before my husband passed away, I was a whole person. While I miss him terribly, I don't feel as I have lost any part of myself. Yes, I think it gets easier with maturity.

Answer 6

first of all....what do u mean by "baggage"? If u mean, there are responsibilities...then yea...they will build up in any case as you grow older....you can't get out of that...unless you've gone totally nuts! Relationships get easier if you feel at ease...age no bar!!!

Answer 7

you should always learn from past experiences,, but what amazes me, is that i find its men who carry more baggage due to break ups / maintenance and divorce, why do they always think after they have had a bad relationship that all women are the same,, its women that usually get tarnished for having baggage and so on, but men that 'suffer' from it!!

Answer 8

I find I have become more 'aware' within each relationship I have had (not enough in number to enable me to forget the ones I would like to!). As I have matured, I know where my expectations lie, where my strengths are and how to be compassionate towards myself and the object of my affection. It hasn't made it easier, and I wouldn't want it to.
I Learned that you must not try to hold on to someone because of your affection for them. Saying goodbye to someone we love, so they may continue along their chosen path unencumbered by our desperation, should be a joy. Each love is different, and our 'heart' grows to accommodate each one we are lucky to encounter.

To experience love is to have enough confidence to know when we are loved, not to know that we love somebody.
I am brim full of confidence...

Answer 9

With experence and getting hurt, you are bound to pick up extra baggage. Figure out how to use that experence positively and don't let it ruin future relationships.

Answer 10

The adage goes:
When travelling, take half as much stuff, and twice as much money as you think you will need.

Now I'm not sure if that analogizes to relationships well, you decide.