I am about to lose it and I need help?

Question

I am help hostage by family members who have have no means of help but by me. I wouldnt care but there are kids involved .The family member isnt negligentful just in a needy place at the tim.Without going into details,I dont know how I can do this without cracking.I need a life and I THINK I am entitled to one but the kids need one too.HELP.Is it selfishness on my part or normal feelings?

I also have a medical probelm that doesnt bother me much because I take medication to keep it under control but stess flares it up.I am a epileptic

Answer 1

Its only normal to feel trapped in that kind of situation. You want to do the right thing, and you obviously care very much for them. You are doing great! You just need some time for yourself. Take some time out for yourself now and then, and you won't feel so trapped, or try to find another means of support for them if possible. Don't get discouraged, you are doing this because you feel you need to, until another situation can be met, and you need to take your medication to prevent your seizures, but you also need some rest and relaxation for this. But the most important thing you need to remember is to take care of yourself first, you can't do this forever, so you do need to try to find some alternative methods of helping them.

Answer 2

First, take a few really deep breaths and let out the stress. Try spliting your time between the life you want for yourself and some valuable time for the kids. Everything will be fine, we all have moments when it feels as if everything is going wrong or we just want out, but in the end its ok. Also, find ways to manage your stress so that it doesn't overflow and cause you more problems(epileptically), if things don't get better, talk to your doctor about it, maybe he'll give a different medication. Any time when you feel things are getting out of hand, call a good friend over to help you with the kids and to just talk. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

That's a hard call to make about whether you are selfish or just going through a natural course of emotions given the circumstances. I was in a similar situation years ago. I did not feel trapped or as you say held "hostage." Children were involved. In this situation too, the family member was not negligent at all, but "in a needy [position] at the time brought on by divorce."

From the time I offered to help until the parent became self-sufficient was three solid years. During that time, her younger children lived with my family during the week. All six children kept me busy, but the house had positive energy in spite of the dilemma. On the weekends, they'd go home. Most times, they wanted to stay with us on the weekends, too!

If you were selfish, you would not care at all and you wouldn't have asked your question. You are not selfish, but you sense the magnitude of their need and the amount of time it may take for their situation to improve.

I cannot say your feelings are normal based on my feelings. I did not give it a second thought about offering to keep the kids when the their mother announced she got a job, but only the second shift was available.

Keeping the kids involved making sure they did their homework, feeding them, protecting them as if they were my own, making sure they got to school in the morning, the whole nine yards.

I would say, for the kids' sake, please let them know you do not consider them a burden. Children can feel the tension of hard times. Whatever you do, don't lose it, but try to see the ever-existing positive side of your situation. If you couldn't handle it, God wouldn't have assigned those family members to you.

The fact you considered helping at all proves you have the love it takes for them to get on their feet.

Do well.

Answer 4

You can't keep taking on all the responsibilities and problems. Start putting up some boundaries so you can have some time for yourself. The more you do the more you are enabling your family to do less then they should. Make-up a schedule of the things they need to start doing and stick to it. If they don't stick to it...walk away...do not do it for them!!! They'll realize soon enough, that unless they start picking up the slack you wont be there to do it for them. Even though it may not feel like it when it happens you'll be doing yourself, your family and the kids a favour. By doing this you'll be able to take some time out for yourself. You're no good to anyone if you get sick. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have those kinds of feelings.

Answer 5

You need a support system for your self. Talk to friends, any other family members, your church, get the phone book out and look for help lines who can make referrals. Sounds like you are under a doctor's care talk to him/her who might be able to suggest a solution or at least lead you to a social worker.

Answer 6

You can only be a victim (hostage) if you allow yourself to me. I allowed this for 21 years, I was like the queen of victims. NO MORE and never again. Take it one day at a time, but pray, seek professional help, and remember this - nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

You have to take care of yourself first, that is the best thing to do for the kids too. Let them see that caring for yourself is a good thing to do. Help them as you can, but not over your own needs. Contact a Care Takers Group for support.

Answer 8

You sound like a good soul!

The best I can offer to you is to stay focused on the welfare of the kids but also try to seek some counseling for yourself.

Don't allow yourself to feel guilty is you do seek help from others.

There are lots of opportunities for you to explore.

Just do a Google to find out what works for you.

Best wishes but be safe.

Answer 9

First a question: How old are you? To strike out on your own as a young person is not only hard but in most cultures, illegal. If your "head of household" can't help the family they are responsible for, you and your siblings must do for yourselves. Get medical attention for your epilepsy. Survival is not selfish. One must do what one must do for their own survival. It is not selfish. Your 'LIFE' is already upon you. To live your life you must continue on for your SELF.

Answer 10

Yes have yourself a life, that isn't selfish that's just human nature. I really can't understand much of your letter but if the kids are neglected tell the parents to act right and if they don't report them.