Could my step-sons behavior be a learning problem or is he just stuborn ?!?

Question

I'm having problems at home with my step-son - he is 11
I've noticed in the past 3 years his listening skills have gotten worse - The thing is when we tell him or ask him to do something -it seems like he only listens to the last thing we say & disregards everything else -Other students in his class seem more focused & mature - to me he is acting like a 5 year old ! He's had his hearing checked -so its not that - I'm so frusterated with him to the point that I almost give up - Like today -I asked him to come in the room and sit on the bed with his babysister while she slept -& watch her so that I could take a shower - then I said when she wakes up -pick her up & take her to play in the livingroom -
Aparently all he listened to was the last part - & he picked her up -WAKING HER UP !!!!! I was SO MAD !!! Why does he not pay attention?? Isn't he TOO old to be acting like that ?? Plus he thinks he knows everything & likes to argue - I can understand that part -cause he is a pre-teen -

Answer 1

All men learn to ignore women. You being his step mom just made him not care what you have to say earlier than normal

Answer 2

Look into having him tested at school for any learning disabilities - Attention Deficit and the like. If he turns out to have a learning disability, you can get support and a course of action from the education professionals at this school.

If, on the other hand, testing shows no indication of any learning disabilities, you havea behavioral problem. Without consulting a pyschologist, which could be the best way to go, I think I'd try "stopping everything" every time he seems to have "missed the boat," so-to-speak.

For example, in the instance you described above: angry as you were (and I would be too), remain calm and point out to him that he's just disregarded the entire first half of what you told him. Ask him why. Make him explain. Perhaps he'll begin to see what he's doing and listen a bit better. In the event his mistake requires corrective action, make him correct it. Again with the example above, make him sit with his baby sister until she falls asleep again. Having to clean up your own mess is a fantastic incentive for not screwing up in the first place.

Answer 3

I have a family member who has a grown son who has always clearly been well above average in intelligence, and yet when he was at a certain age as a child she would describe his as a "space cadet" and jokes that there were times she's wonder if had retardation.

I don't think an eleven-year-old boy is really particularly ready, willing or able to have much to do with a baby sister. Neither is it likely he'd be too able to just sit and watch her as she slept. He probably just figured you wouldn't know when she awoke, so he'd see to it it happened as early as possible. (Maybe its true he didn't listen, and maybe he didn't plan it as I suggest he may have - but, think of it, at his age he'd find it far more enjoyable to play with her than to sit still and watch her be asleep.)

I see that anything you've described points to any learning problem. I don't know if his little sister is your biological child, but since he isn't I can't help but believe when you have an eleven-year-old child of your own you may come to realize how average his behavior seems to be.

Eleven-year-olds are sometimes far less compliant and/or reliable than, say, a five-year-old might actually be. (I'm not suggesting you get a five-year-old to watch the baby, of course.)

Answer 4

He could possibly have some sort of a disability b/c he acts like my 5 yr old with a disability. But then again he is 11. I can remember when I was around that age and defied everything my parents had to say to me. I didn't listen and didn't care what they had to say. I'd only listen to half of what they said too. So mostly I think it's an age thing to be honest with you. If your worried though ask his doctor, he could have A.D.H.D. too. There are many possibilities but I think it's his age.

Answer 5

Hun your just gonna have to give him time for adjustment it could be 2 years it could be 15 years or more. I am saying this from a step childs point of view. He does not have a learning disability or any other problem like that. He has a "new" mom, and feels like if he obeys and dosnt hate you then he will be betraying his own mother. Its just something your gonna have to deal with or let his dad deal with him until he comes around. The more you push him the more hes going to "not" like you....Give him time and space, you may even try to find things you have in common that you can do just the two of you. I wish my step dad had we might have gotten along alot sooner than we did. It took me from age 12 to age 22 to finally come around.

Answer 6

It's possible that he has a learning disablility, but it could just be that he is an 11year old boy.....seriously, my now 13 year old son acted that way when he was 11 and my just turned 12 y/o son has been acting that way for the last year. It may seem to you that the other boys are more mature, but ask their moms how they are at home.

Answer 7

Not necessarily a learning problem or stubborn problem. He is actually too focussed and only pays attention to one command at a time. He will have difficulties in school and will have to spend a lot of time isolated to get his homework and studying done. Finals week will kick his butt. You will have to have a lot of patience and try to simplify your commands. Writing things down in list fashion will help as well. My ex-wife is like that. She is a very smart engineer now and very detail oriented but seems stupid because she seems not to listen. I can write her a full page letter and she will isolate and focus on the one line that hits her the hardest and that is all she'll remember about the letter. Try getting him involved in some multi-tasking exercises while he is young or he will be handicapped by it his entire life.

Answer 8

This is "situation" is just like my younger cousin's.When he was young he couldn't talk until he was 3-barely.He's learned to talk by copying other people.Like the other day at the market he said"Hurry stupid old man!Move!".And yes,also,he seems very
behind compared to his classmates.He never listens and sometimes takes cares of things physically.I have a feeling my cousin-and your stepson-may have ADD.But then again,who am I to tell you what disorder your son may or may not have.Confront this learning problem with your son's pediatrician.

Answer 9

It may be the "step-factor", but if there are other signs like learning/behavior problems in school it may be worth investigating.
Usually with things like ADHD there is a co-existing (comorbid)condition as well
(depression, OCD, or other anxiety/mental disorders)
Also, there is Auditory processing disorder(s) which can cause children to have trouble with following directions, behavior etc.
A medical evaluation is the only way to find out for sure.
~Best of Luck~

Answer 10

this is normal in away he only hears what he wants too it to can be a problem i would take him in to see a child phsy. he may be acting out for other reasons really to hard to tell from hear. you and your husband know more about him then we could ever. go with your gut if you think he needs a little help get it for him. it could not hurt. i have a 9 yearold little girl and she is bipolor up and down moods (can drive you crazy) it runs in our family both sides. so I take her to counseling twice a month and she is on med(surquel) it does help for her . and that only hearing half is common in this house. it be ok find out what works for your family. I also keep red dye out of our house and that seems to help she would get hyper when useing or eating any thing with red dye in it. just a thought
good luck hope everything goes well

Answer 11

It sounds like your step-son is harbouring some resentment towards you and, possibly, his baby sister (is she your natural daughter?). I think he is doing things to infuriate you and hiding behind the "well, that's what you told me to do!" excuse.

It is understandable that he may harbour some resentment towards your position in the family. It's not uncommon for children to resent step parents. Although it is natural, you have to address the issue before the situation gets out of hand. He is subconciously screaming out for help and attention through his actions. I suggest that the both of you seek some professional help through a psychologist. You may find that some of your actions are the cause of some of his behaviour. This is a situation that can be worked out and you can both acheive a healthy loving realtionship. Speed is of the essence here. Take action before things really get out of hand.

My husband resented his step-mother for taking his dad away from the family. He moved in with his dad and his step-mom with the sole purpose of splitting them up. It took many years for them to learn to accept each other, by then.. a lot of damage had been done. In his rebellion, he ended up damaging himself a great deal too. We are still working on a large number of issues and he is in his late 30s.