Hi yeah I'm very stressed out. First of all I'm 21 years old(just in case you might think I'm a teenager just because I'm asking about a family situation lol) anyway my mom has been going a hundred mile an hour taking care of everybody 24/7(including an 18month old baby which my brother is too selfish to not take her daughter home at night!!!!!!! dude it's not like he's disabled!) anyway her back has been hurtin really bad like back tension, and her doctor even suggested she should take a few days off. Well I can only come home on weekends because I'm going to school, and my dad(who's always been emotionally abusive to her, treating her like a slave), still tells her to do this and that even though he clearly knows she's in pain and bed resting! My pastor's wife offered to take care of Sydnee but my mom of course declined(she called her bawling because she needed someone else to clean the church). Ok running out of characters. Suggestions? What should I do?
2006-08-26 04:56:48 · 16 answers · asked by Meru B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The reason why I can't quit school is because last year I struggled to pass but I didn't because of a trauma so this is my last chance. I wish my neice would live with me but she can't...
2006-08-26 04:57:39 · update #1
btw Sydnee is my neice...can't believe I put her name on there!! shame on me!
2006-08-26 04:58:49 · update #2
Maybe you could go home over Labor day. Even though it is only a few days, you would be surprised how a few days of rest can make a major change. You seem to be sweet. That is cool you care and respect your mom so much! Hope it all works out.
2006-08-26 05:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should have a serious talk with the baby's parents. You said your brother wouldn't take Sydnee home at night. If he is her father, explain to him how much pain your mom is in and how difficult it is for her. Insist that he take the baby home at night so your mom can get some rest. I don't have any suggestions about how your dad treats your mom, she has to make the decision about the continuation of abuse, by putting up with it or divorcing your dad. Good luck in school. I hope this helps.
2006-08-26 05:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by organic gardener 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not quit school, so don't even listen to those answers. My suggestion would be to let your mom come stay with you at school for awhile. IF you live in a dorm, you girls could rent a hotel room and have a girls only week so your mom can rest and get away from all the stress. I hope that the best comes of this and that your mom will find the strength to stand up to your dad and brother
2006-08-26 05:07:37 · answer #3 · answered by {Lisa} 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a great daughter to begin with with. You seem to care for her a lot more then anyone in your family does. Your brother leaves his responsiblities with her and expect's her to take care of his daughter. If I was you I think I would talk to him first. But where is the mom for your neice?? I would talk to him and tell him that she isn't feeling good and that maybe for a little while he needs to make different arrangements for her. Also talking to your dad could help but if he has been doing this there whole marriage, sorry to say it's not going to help one bit. But hell it's worth a shot so go and have a heart to heart talk with your dad. But I would start with the brother first. Now as for the pastor's wife maybe you could talk to her yourself and tell her your a little concerned and maybe if she has time she could come and help her with some of the cleaning and things that need to get done at her house.
2006-08-26 05:08:29 · answer #4 · answered by browneyegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have asked what you should do… I don’t know!!!
From what I can gather, the focal point of your concern is ‘your mother’…
She therefore is the one who should be seeking help.
You mentioned that she was offered assistance in looking after your niece, but she declined it.
If your mother is being used and abused, then she should be doing something to get out of that situation. There are legal avenues available to help her, but unless she indicates that she needs help, she won’t get it.
If your father is ‘abusive’ it perhaps isn’t safe for you to say anything to him.
You could perhaps talk to your brother, and make him understand that your mum isn’t well, and that it isn’t fair that he should be dumping his daughter on to her the way he is…
Before you talk to him though, you had best make sure that your mum doesn’t want to continue looking after your niece. It could be, that your niece is the only thing that is helping your mother to stay sane and cope. If that is the case, she will be very disappointed with you for having that taken away from her!!!
I don’t know what else I can suggest to you, other than try to be there for your mum when she needs you, and help her when you can!!!
2006-08-26 05:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for your mom. However, I really don't know what you can do. Your mom is enabling your brother by taking care of your niece. She's the one who has to do something about the situation. You could try talking to her and help her find solutions. She's going to have to be the one to tell your brother she is no longer able, physically and emotionally , to continue to take on his responsibility for his daughter. If he refuses to do so, and if she is intent on taking care of her, she needs to go to court and get custody. My parents, after raising us, got custody of one of my sisters children b/c she wouldn't take the responsibility for them. We knew she had a mental problem, and she was finally diagnosed as Bi-Polar. Does your brother have any mental issues, or is he just a totally irresponsible, selfish individual? As for your dad, someone needs to kick his selfish butt, too!
2006-08-26 05:21:58 · answer #6 · answered by Saved 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some women, take the role of 'caretaker' a bit too far. She needs to have a 'sit down' to think about her life and how she can organize it for maximum effectiveness (this will make her think about things like pushy husbands, and deadbeat sons who dont take care of their kids and what she can do to stop some of the madness). Change has to come from within HER. You do not have that authority. Let her know, that when she has that 'sit down', you will be there to support her decision(s) 100%.
2006-08-26 05:15:19 · answer #7 · answered by Cynthia W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off all your brother should get off his lazy ***, be a man and take care of his daughter, taking advantage of your mom isn't cool. Second, your mom needs to say learn to say no, but because she's your mom and she loves her kids, she'll bend backwards for all of you.Third your dad sounds like an abusive prick, someone needs to knock him off his high chair. Other than that, last but not least . . . pray to God. Pray that this situation with your family will be resolved soon.
2006-08-26 05:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by C93 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first of all im amazed at the fact that ur not selfish and think of other when at times u need to think about u, before u can help the rest. my suggestion is that u talk to ur pastor and see if everyone can sit down and discuss things. ur brother might not know that by not taking his girl home is affecting ur mom she might also be telling him she's fine. in regards to ur dad he need profesional help, that kind of abuse is not tollerable ur mom also needs to stand her ground no one should be taking that kind of abuse no matter how long they have been together. i know school its hard but think about it first (and i know its gonna sound a bit selfish) but u must work on ur inner self before u can help others around u. if anything think about.
2006-08-26 05:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by picies83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your dad and tell him to back off. Step up to your brother and tell him to take responsibility of his kid. The whole family has to agree in helping out around the house. Your mom is amazing for keeping up with all the demands around the house.... it sounds like she needs time off from the family.
2006-08-26 05:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋