My Wife Is Bipolar and We are Getting Divorced?

Question

Seven years ago I married a wonderful women who had two children from a previous marriage. We had five and half years of a good marriage and all of a sudden things start getting strange. There were odd behaviors, ups and downs, lies and mood swings that were unbearable at times. I first found out about a man she met on the internet about a year ago. She lied like you wouldn't believe until I found out the truth and confonted her. In the mean time her mother passed away and things just got bizarre. This man she met moved to a town closer to us and lived in a homeless shelter because he didn't want to work. They carried on an affair for seven months before I found out and gave her a second chance. It was at this time she was diagnosed as bipolar. I helped her get some help and medication and thought we were going to be ok. Now she is back with her homeless man and our family is torn apart and divorce proceedings are in progress. Is there anyway to salvage this or do I move on.

Answer 1

She's obviously not in control of her actions. What about the wellbing of the children? Who is supporting them?

As far as the marriage goes....You could contest it on the grounds that she is mentally unstable, as she has just recently been diagnosed with bp, and that you feel that she is just going thru the motions of the illness, the judge can order counciling for the two of you.

If the judge is a moral judge, he/she would find that working on the marraige first is the best thing to do. She may come to her senses down the line and want you back...So it would be better to drag the divorce out until she gets used to her meds, or gets on meds. Tell the judge that this is your wish. And see how it goes. GOOD LUCK!!!

....One thing that people don't understand about bp, is that they have no control over their actions..It's not premeditated. They just act without thinking. ie..the divorce!!! Fight for more time!!!

Answer 2

You move on.

When I had an impossible first marriage, I gave it chance after chance [it wasn't through your problem though] ... but there comes the point where you both have to be totally honest, and I eventually had to call it 'divorce proceedings'.
Yours very much sounds like it will remain a hopeless case from now on in ... unless you can get her to willingly work with a religious or professional person to define and confess that she has done wrong and want to repent; you have to call it what it is.

Answer 3

I think there is little to be saved despite the efforts you have put into it. It seems like she doesn't want to be cured and the more you do to help her, the more she can lean back and misbehave like a little child. I would at least continue the divorce proceedings, start building up your own life and then look back and see where the two of you stand. This situation is unbearable anyhow so you'd better save your skin first. At least you will be healthy and strong to handle whatever comes your way.

Answer 4

Sir , I'm Bi-Polar, I did not finally get diagnosed until 1999, I'm 40 yrs. old now. I grew up always feeling different from everyone else, always trying to be the badass, the bully, whatever, but then I would also have these sides, that you could not tell that anything was wrong with me at all!! I'm one my third marriage sadly, alot of it is because of the disease, I did not get diagnosed until this marriage of 7 yrs. During my second marriage, I drank five nights a week to were I could not remember anything, I would also unfourtunately cheat on my dear husband, I fianally left him after five yrs. of marriage, that's when he finally woke up and decided to help me, but it was just too late by then. We had lost a baby, there were other factors that happened, I needed him, but he just was not there for me, so I turned to someone else.
I eventually met my now husband, he got me to a Dr. in 1999, and they finally diagnosed me with the very worst of Bi-Polar,Depression, and Anxziety!! It was a relief!! I got on meds, then my dad passed away in 2001, I had a nervous breakdown, I ended up in a Mental Hospital for two weeks, I was so scared to be there!! My husband could not understand, why I couldn't get over my dads death in a months time, he still to this day does not understand about Bi-Polar, even though he has gone to the Dr's with me!!
He used to call me a junkie, because of all the pills I have to take the rest of my life, just to be normal, it is genetic, so please have your children checked. Please try and forgive your wife, I know it is hard on your part, because Bi-Polar is really a bad disease, and sex is part of the addiction, just like alcohol was for me.
It probably would help if ya'll went to marriage counseling also, it would help too, if you got on-line and read on how you could help her with this disease too, just do anything you can to save what youv'e got!!!
I hope my book helps you!!! Good Luck!!!!!!

Answer 5

There is nothing worse than the guilt of wondering if you should have left this person, when in fact they were mentally ill...Myself? I would stay with her...because I remember the story of Josea in the Bible, who married a woman who had children by other men..but his Christian beliefs held him to keep forgiving her..his kindness finally swayed her to Christ. Now, we have a bit of a different situation here..your wife is sick..so,...if we are to do unto others how we would like to be done,...and say YOU were the one who became mentally ill....how would you feel if you really didn't know what was going on and the one you loved abandoned you?..So, yes, she is committing adultery on you...if you decide to forgive her, then you must commit yourself that this is the way it is going to be,..and accept her for who she is..but you also have one thing in your favor..she did at least go to a doctor. I don't know...if it is a Christian decision, i would stay...but if she is happy with the decision. move on. God Bless and good luck..you have a heavy cross to bear.

Answer 6

It's admirable that you'd want to salvage your marriage, but if she is choosing a homeless internet man over an obviously supportive husband, I'd say move on and find someone better!

Answer 7

She needs help, if you feel like helping more you should stay, if you feel that you can not handel anymore, nothing to do. Just know that bi-polar: with correct medication and mental help things can improve and go back to a normal life standart. This will take time, God knows when.

I know that it is taugh to fight with personal disorders, but I know couples dealing with schizophrenia, delusional disorders, where the cure target is a very very long way to reach, and these people are real.

So its up to you, if you see the patience in you; stay... You' ll save one soul.

If you ask me at least learn more about bi-polar and try your best, at least if you quit sometime later when you look back, you should say to yourself YES I did my best, the rest God handels all the time.

Answer 8

Hon bipolar is a condition NOT AN EXCUSE! You sound like a fantastic man. Dump her, get custody, and move on. You gave her a second chance, helped her get medical attention and hopefully supported the kids all through this trying time. I have one question: WHO WAS THERE FOR YOU???? Sounds to me like now is your time. God bless.

Answer 9

I stayed with my wife in a similar,very similar situation.....and now I regret it ....as she has come at me with a knife and I found my self defending myself,even though I told my daughter to call the police I GOT ARRESTED.My addvice to you is if your wife is bipolar " STAY out of the kitchen man" Cut your loses cause it sounds like they have a plan. Take it from me {this is the advice I didn't take} she's only going to do it again. Duh...?? Also it is classic advice KILL your enemys or they will rise up against you.

Answer 10

She obviously is using a medical condition as an excuse and it isn't. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and the only person who can change her is herself I am sorry but you can't. You need to move on and get out of this harmful and hurtful situation for yourself and your children's emotional stability or what's left of it...Good Luck!