When is it appropriate to tell your child about the facts of life?

Question

My son is going on 12 and in middle school. My husband just had "the talk" with him. He has been asking a lot of questions lately and we believe that it's better that he hear it from us than someone at school or on the football field. He is so innocent and I wonder if we told him too soon. My husband basically...w/o going into too much detail told him where babies come from, the correct terminology for parts of the body, hormones, puberty etc. I am pregnant w/ our 4th and he is so curious...which is completely normal. Did we do the right thing telling him at this age? My husband took him out to breakfast this morning to see if he had any more questions. We just want him to be able to talk to us about anything.

Thank you all for your responses. Our son is our first child and this is the first time we are going through this. I guess times have changed since I was young. I can't believe kid's are getting educated through their peers and the schools at such a young age. We're going to continue to keep up with him and what he's hearing at school and from his friends...THANK YOU!

Answer 1

Bring them along gradually - the right age is all dependent upon the child. You must observe and understand your child to rightly know when it is time but first you must totally overstand yourselves as a couple. Showing each other wholesome affection around your children is the perfect platform. Sex is natural not taboo but the act is often misguided when one is miseducated or not educated at all. Good luck with that!

Answer 2

12 is extremely late to tell a child about the facts of life.
This is not the 50's any more. Knowledge is power people get with the program and inform your kids. The rudimentary details such as where babies come from and how they get there (with age appropriate descriptions of course) should be discussed by age 6 at the latest. Telling kids about sex and the like doesn't turn them into sex crazed animals. The proper information makes your child less vulnerable to misinformation and predators.

Answer 3

you did the right thing! you know best when the right time is, all children are different and have different levels of maturity and the ability to understand. i have 2 boys...almost 9 and 11 and just a few days ago my husband and i were talking about how the "talk" needs to come soon. they have asked questions for about a year now and i always answer them honestly. we are very open about it. i think thats the right way to be. my parents kept all that from me until like 15 or 16!!!! "sex" or anything that had to do with it was a bad thing in my house growing up. i had to learn the WRONG things from friends or tv. i dont want that to happen with my kids. i think its GREAT that your husband is also taking the extra time to see if he has any more questions! thats a great way to keep your relationship with him open :)

Answer 4

You are good parents. The boy will learn correctly from both of you, and the chats he has with Dad are so important, and also confidential. This is something he needs to believe is between him and Dad, nobody else. The questions? Answer him. Don't embellish the answers, just answer what he asks you and he will let you know if he wants to know more. My two boys could ask me anything, but after a while, I could have learned from them. If you treat sex within the bounds of decency, as you have done, then you can't go wrong. Very well done.

Answer 5

I'm glad you told him, but I think even earlier is better. I've had a series of mini-talks with my 8 year old ever since Iwas pregnant with her brother and sister about 3 years ago (they're b/g twins...). I was careful to not go into details that were unnecessary and I didn't dwell on things, I just answered her questions. Trust me, "Where do babies come from?" had a different answer when she was 5 than when she was 8. She knows now - not in livid detail - but technically - what happens. I told her this, in part, to make sure no one takes advantage of her/touches her. She knows right from wrong as far as touching goes now, too. Congrats on telling your son - keep following up. If you don't tell them, they learn it from their friends, who learn it from cable TV...

Answer 6

I 1st talked w/ my kids about sex when they were about 3. The 1st time they asked me where babies come from. I just answer until they seem satisfied. As they have gotten older, I've learned, they won't hesitate to ask when they have questions. The hardest part is knowing exactly what is age appropriate. Sounds to me like you're doing a great job. You've addressed it, that's the most important thing.

Answer 7

Ok, well in my opinion that might even be late. This is a boy though.12 is about the right age for a boy. Girls start to notice things like hormones early. I don't think that you have done anything wrong with your boy.

Answer 8

My theory is to tell them when they ask, regardless of age. Your son is plenty old enough to know all the facts. The incidences of 13 yr old pregnant middle schoolers is frightening and disheartening. It's best he hears it from you, rather than disjointed explanations from friends.

Good for you for stepping up to the challenge! Now your son is among the educated. You did the right thing.

Answer 9

Oh God, I had already figured out all that stuff when I was 5. I was 6 when someone told me what a lesbian was, and we started taking sex ed in grade 4. I think 12 is WAY to old to just be having the talk now.
Ugh thankfully my parents didn't have to talk to me about it, I'm glad I learned it all my own.

Answer 10

You and your husband did exactly the right thing! When children are curious and start asking, that's the time to tell them and be completely honest about it. From the sounds of it, your children are going to be very well adjusted. Good job!