I recently found out that my boyfriend has been looking at sexual material/nudity on the computer. We have discussed this in the past as he knows that it bothers me. He gave me the impression that he wouldn't look at that stuff again. But I recently found on his comuter history that he has been. I'm kind of upset. But I don't want him mad at me as if I am a ball and chain. What should I do? Should I just ignore it at realize men will be men? or should I confront him about it? I am really hurt.
2006-08-26 01:08:27 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you should sit down and talk to him. Try to think of it as something that is his problem more than yours.
Ask him why he does it and tell him it hurts you. Explain why it hurts you. I think you have a right to confront him about something that hurts you.
A lot of men (and women) do this. Talk about sex with him. Maybe you will both feel better when you explore each others needs and see if it helps...
Best of luck and don't beat yourself up over this!!
2006-08-26 01:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by Alaska 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not focus on controlling his behavior rather try to understand why he is seeking that channel. Men are primarily driven by physical sexual activity and we more stimulated by the romance of the experience. Many times this area is difficult to approach and discuss due to our own uncomfort about our bodies or feelings we harbor. Men literally love to get freaky. Find a way that is comfortable to you and talk about what he would like you to do. What positions he would love you to be in and realize that if these fantasies actualize 99% of the time they will not be stimulating to you. Make an agreement with him that if I do this then you will have to do this for me. It can get to be really fun, but you are both establishing a behavioral contract of intimacy. Good luck.
2006-08-26 01:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by In God's Image 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ignore it, and just try to accept the fact the most men...and a lot of women enjoy looking at other naked people from time to time. I don't have a big problem with porn, but every now and then the idea of my boyfriend looking at it bothers me. He assures me that it doesn't mean anything...and I really do believe it. I think for most guys, those are just visual aids and in no way compare to their real-life girlfriend, even if (you) don't think you measure up. Your boyfriend lied and said he'd stop, to make you happy...but really, you shouldn't make him feel like he can't look at it. Now, if he's got 100's of pictures saved...that's another story. But if he's just looking occasionally, don't worry about it. Don't feel bad, and don't make him feel bad. That's my two cents. :)
2006-08-26 01:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
men will be men ! this is a trust issue... you're snooping in his history file ! dont be upset...you created the problem! change his mind about the porn. ask him about what he's into,create a scenario for the both of you! he will probably react to that as well. just act on what you BOTH like. im 46 and no the "visual" for sex may never go away! my girlfriend is 29 and she and i have a very healthy sex life (which includes mild porn) but she never pushes the issue as to whether i do or dont watch porn !
2006-08-26 01:20:54 · answer #4 · answered by rickblck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Think You Should Just Leave Him....A Guy Addicted To Porn Will Not Make A Good Husband And You Probably Won't Ever Change Your Feelings About It. Might As Well End It Before Wasting Anymore Time.
2006-08-26 01:32:17 · answer #5 · answered by Summer 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You have a right to be mad because you discuss this issue in the past but maybe instead scrutinizing him about looking at porn on the computer you should watch it with him. Men look at porn and please do not get mad at your man for looking at porn. I am sure he loves you but maybe you need to just look at material with him might just improve your sex life.
2006-08-26 01:19:27 · answer #6 · answered by Disha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It natural to be curious. Let him know you know and leave it at that. There are more important things in life than trying to raise your mate. Either you are compatible or you're not. If you have to piss and moan about everything he does, move on. Let him live by the motto, "look all you want, just eat at home".
2006-08-26 01:17:25 · answer #7 · answered by Michael S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is perfectly normal, I know some women do get upset over this , but hon it's a wasted emotion , be glad hes doing it on puter , doesn't hurt to look ,, psssttttt look at with him ..wink******
2006-08-26 01:15:21 · answer #8 · answered by ridingthestorm_out 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I find porn ok it's you that needs to be comfortable. Explain to him that you do not like it and it makes you uncomfortable and if he can't respect you or your views then it's not gonna work. You deserve to be happy and you won't be if you are always worrying about it. If he won't give it up then find someone that respects you.
2006-08-26 01:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by JL's Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Natural..
2006-08-26 01:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by Texas Cowboy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋