My husband and I have 2 wonderful boys ages 3, and 6. We decided to get him "fixed" and not have anymore children, we wanted to expand our family via adoption. Well we went through the process and became foster parents in hopes of adopting a little girl (or 2:):) our only request was that she must be younger then our youngest boy (3) and wasn't victim to any serious sexual abuse ( We are new at this, and don't want to put our boys at risk )
Well are waiting days came to end yesterday, we met a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl who is a little ball of joy ( always smiling, laughing...) she has been though a lot ( mom a druggy and currently in jail, has left her little one with "who ever" and "were ever" the bio mom and her never attached )
According to the social workers in her previous placement, she has shown some signs of sexually acting out, they fear she may have been molested by one of her many caregivers. She has a appointment with a therapist who will try to.......
2006-08-25 22:56:13 · 12 answers · asked by 1 Supermom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Determine if she has indeed been molested. Some of the things they described her as doing , for example she at one point took off all of her clothes and lied down on the floor (don't know what this could mean), or she touches herself a little more then usual (there words), experiencing bad dreams (poor thing), and she had kissed one of the children "inappropriately" There are no physical signs of molestation, so she could be acting out due to her lack of ever attaching to mom or anyone for that matter, or just a overall lack of stability in her life.
We took her for a visit and were instructed to drop her off at a receiving home latter that night, then come get her again tomorrow, keep her through the night and bring her back on Monday. Her social worker is very concerned (rightfully so) about her going to live with a family and having it not work out, and her being moved again, it would be a 4th time for her.
2006-08-25 22:59:29 · update #1
We need to do what is right for both of us so this doesn't happen. She is SO CUTE AND LOVABLE, (gives great hugs) so far in our visits everything is great, our boys love her and like playing with her. We haven't seen anything inappropriate from her, normal 2 year old stuff.
Our dilemma - Our we putting our children mainly our 3 year old boy at risk with this child only 6 months younger and some baggage still needing to be worked out? We can deal with all the normal terrible 2s, stuff. Put yourself in our shoes for a second, What would you do, keep in mind adoption is one of our biggest goals in life.
2006-08-25 23:00:22 · update #2
Persephone: Did you read the post, sorry I know it's long, We had a lifelong goal of adopting, that's why he got fixed. WE WANT TO ADOPT! gess when did that become a bad thing. Everything is happening so fast, If anyone knows a child is no puppy we do.
2006-08-25 23:11:18 · update #3
I Think This Lil Girl Is Going To Require A Lot Of Very Special PPL To Help Her Through Life,If You And Yours Have The Heart And Patience I Am Certain GOD Will Reward Your Family In Awesome Ways Through Time,GOD Sometimes Tests The Goodness Of Our Hearts,Will You Pass His Test?Or Will You Fail.Do The Right Thing,This Child Needs A Good Stable Family,Make Her Understand About the Things Which she Doesn't Understand,And May Have Been Thrust upon The Poor Soul..
2006-08-25 23:07:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's one tough question........I wish I had the answer for you. I wish I had the answer for that sweet little girl. I can understand your need to protect the children you already have--definitely a top priority. I don't think your going to get the reassurance or answers you need to move forward in adopting her. Abuse can be a hard thing to pinpoint. And unfortunately, some abuse continues to surface thru out a lifetime. But there is good news....some people have experienced horrible abuse, and with love and security have grown into healthy happy adults. In the end you'll probably follow your heart. Our children find their way to us traveling many different paths. This may be your child who has been waiting to find her way home to you......life sure isn't easy, and there are no guarantees. But you seem to have a lot of love to share. That will guide you thru whatever decision you make.....the good and the bad and where ever that leads your family. Good luck.
2006-08-26 10:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by wendy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting your children at risk for what exactly? She's a toddler, not a preteen lolita. I find it odd your only requests were young and unmolested. What if she were addicted to crack? I think it would be best if you took a little more time before you moved to adopt a child. You seem unusually concerned with the sexuality of those so young. Naked is extremely common as a toddler. Some hate the feel of clothes. It's not sexual. Like kissing isn't sexual, it's an expression of affection. I wish this little girl the best possible future, but I'm sorry, I'm not convinced that's as part of your family.
2006-08-26 06:39:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love the child take her and don't look back, if you are looking for a perfect child through foster parenting good luck it's not out there why do you think they are in foster care in the first place the child has been through some rough $hit believe me I know I was a foster child, druggie mom and dad physically and mentally abused went through it all finally adopted when I was 11my adoptive father was a retired Marine and adoptive mom a very warm loving woman. I guess dad liked a challenge thats why they picked me. I came out o.k. college grad. married for 11 years with 2 kids but the hurt is still there as it is with all abused kids, thank-god I had adoptive parents that didn't give up on me, I know kids who had adoptive parents who did give up and it was bad very bad. From the way you sound you need to go to through an adoption agency instead of foster care.
2006-08-26 06:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by The Pooh-Stick Kid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is going to sound vicious.... Don't bite off more than you can chew. Your first priority are the children you already have.... You may be inviting disaster into your house. I LOVE kids, I have raised mine, and my sisters... it's very hard when the junky parents start coming around. Think about it long and hard. This little girl would probably be better off in a family that doesn't already have small children, she will require a lot of extra attention, and how's she going to get it at your house? You have doubts, you should. There's got to be someone who is more qualified than you two...and that's no insult to you...it just doesn't seem like the right combination, but hey, I'm not professional, ask them. Whatever your choice, good luck.
2006-08-26 06:33:38 · answer #5 · answered by Kerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear SuperMom,
You & Husband r reali blessed to have such a nature. I understand that it truly is difficult undergoing such situations. I can see that your family has reali begun to get attached to this little sweetie. My heart breaks reading about what she had undergone, being only 2 1/2.
Intervention is important and reali desperate at this stage, she has showed signs of physical abuse (if not, emotional). If it is ignored, I can't imagine how she will grow up to be. It is thorough and taxing, a lot of attention is required and most importantly, a lot of sacrifices are necessary. This little sweetheart really needs your help and I am sure that with lots of love, care and nurturing, I am sure that the results is beneficial to her and make her a better individual when she grows up.
Don't worry about her mixing with your sons. I am sure that, being older than her, they are able to model the correct behaviours in being a little child to her. However, I am not going to hide this fact from you. They may pick up the bad things from her. But I am sure with a lot of supervision, attention and again, intervention from the adults, she will pass through the phase pretty easily.
I wish you all the best, and May God bless you in this journey.
2006-08-26 06:25:31 · answer #6 · answered by Hani H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe wait to see what the therapist has to say before you make any final decision. From what you described...the child seems normal enough to me. I know of a few girls under 3 that occasionally strip down and run around our house. Her mother and I didn't teach them that...and a few books I've read say it's normal. And maybe the kissing is a result of imitation. Maybe she saw someone do it in one of the families she was placed with.
Key thing I would advice is don't rush into it, but don't pull back either. Spend more time with her and look for signs...and if nothing presents itself...I say go with your hearts.
As to your fears about your current children...they might be good for her...stability and such. I don't see what harm she could really do for them.
I dunno...really just comes down to your gut feeling. Hope it works out for you.
2006-08-26 06:18:18 · answer #7 · answered by Trimere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I so agree with you that adoption is one of the biggest things in life, this little girl is an annocent victem of being an orphan, even if she was molested, and she continued to live with you, with the love and care that you give her she will turn out to be the daughter you have alwasy wanted, take her to therapy, sit and discuss the results with yr better half and the dr, remember in the end all of you as a family need to be happy with one another.
2006-08-26 06:06:27 · answer #8 · answered by haboba13 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
AT RISK? Listen, please don't adopt. She's not a puppy. She will be a daughter in the family and as parents, you set the groundrules and teach her right from wrong. These are your brothers, they don't touch you and you don't touch them, and that's that. An abused child is not diseased. I suggest you both seek therapy and decide what the real issue here is. Why would you let your man get fixed only to want more children, esp. a girl for some reason and that she has to be younger? If you don't trust, don't adopt. All children require work, attention and love. That simple.
2006-08-26 06:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Persephone 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Ok guys you need to follow your heart, if you know for sure that's the right decision, than no douts, go for it and adopt the little one, she is still so smal and children don't usually remember things in that small age, if she grows up in your family in loving and healthy functional atmosthere than she will be a normal person, be carefull with too much therapy, she doesn't need no more drama in her life, of course she needs to deal with her wounds if you know for sure that she've been abused seriously, put it this way, it's better for her to be in your family than stay where she is now.
2006-08-26 06:46:53 · answer #10 · answered by happydial 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋